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Episode 0352: Barter Town, A Love Story

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Chapter 1
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was July 2008 and I needed fabulous new furniture and handsome new paintings to fill out my new large tower if my enemies were ever going to take me seriously. I had arrived on Siege Perilous, I was the new kid in the neighborhood, and Barter Town had just been born right outside the Minoc Stables.

Chapter 2
In the weeks that followed Barter Town's founding, with Jose Muerto, Tony Emerald, A Blind Man, Nightstalker, and Sweeney (among others), the number of "treasure hunters" populating Barter Town was steadily increasing and the first great age of Barter Town was under way. At yet, the haters began making their private doubts public; doubting the significance of this new town.

Chapter 3
A month into Barter Town's young life, a strapping young lad by the name of Speedy Claxton trespassed through our town in order to reach a nearby champion spawn. He was promptly owned. And the citizens rejoiced! And thus, the first great age of haters fell silent.

Chapter 4
A few months into Barter Town's young life, now populated by even more heroes by the names of Mr. Sly, Norrar, Peter Griffin, and WaVy GrAvY (among others), a 1 Million Gold Challenge was issued to all of Siege Perilous and the gauntlet had been thrown down. And when the time came, members of GIL, KSS, NEW, S|S, and K0C converged on our little town intent on finding our little prize. In the end, blood was spilled, tears were shed, hearts were broken, and lovers were lost. A NEW named Warhawk was 1 million gold richer and the borders of Barter Town were now firmly set in stone in the process. From the meadow up top, to the stables on the side, to the great mine below -- it was all now property of Barter Town -- and now everyone knew it.

Chapter 5
The mines required constant tender loving care to keep trespassers on notice. But with the help of entrepreneurs like Locke, Saint Dismas, Lord Puffy, Black Magick, Righty, Edward, One-eyed Jack, Jackal, your mom, Angus, Kylar Stern, and Stabon (among others), we were able to maintain the mines in proper working order (trespasser free!). All we asked was that miners wear a Jester Hat at all times (for their own protection!). We asked, they listened, and new faces in the mines (wearing hats) soon became a commonplace and we all learned to live in harmony. (Sweeney & Nightstalker may have murdered a few folk in the process, but that's here nor there.)

Chapter 6
A year into Barter Town's young life, with the help of noblemen by the names of Enkil Visigoth, Raven Newblood, Grey Mullet, Alterix, Lita, Ash, Cheks Miks, and Corpse (among others), the second great age of Barter Town began. It was during this time that a string of brutal, unexplained murders (by exploding crate) began ravaging the lives of every new Barter Town recruit. Faces were red, laughs were had, and fingers were pointed. Some *crazy* people still claim that it was all an inside job and they *claim* that the Barter Town Slaughterer was in fact a Barter Town Citizen! I promptly had all of the accusers and their families put to death (by exploding crate), charged with unbecoming of upstanding citizens, slander against thy neighbor, and the unlawful act of making a little girl cry.

Chapter 7
A year and a few months into Barter Town's young life, we enter the second great age of Barter Town (and the last great age under my watch). It's here where the first of many invasions takes place. Fistandantilus, Lord Damian, and Big Red of W^R make their presence known. But with the help of Angus, they're all owned by town guards one after another, repeatedly. Hilariously.

Chapter 8
A year and a few more months into Barter Town's young life, "The Day of Temporary Unbless" had come at long last. What was once blessed had now been undone. And alongside other certified inspectors by the names of Enkil Visigoth, Grey Mullet, and Jareth -- with the help of a GM named Fiper -- the cats were away, the mice came to play, and a Code breaking thief named Pola got owned like no one has ever been owned before. And the citizens rejoiced!

Chapter 9
Almost a year and even more months into Barter Town's young life, the town was full of hustle & bustle at unheard of hustle & bustle levels! Jester Hat wearing miners stopped by to mine and Jester Hat wearing visitors stopped by to just say "hi." The town had been busy all year and it was at this time that I realized that in the year of 2009, Barter Town had been recruiting more new people to Siege Perilous than NEW. At least 2 new faces were spotted every every single week. By my count, the number of unique faces that had made their way through town was in the hundreds. (Not an exaggeration. I have screenshots!) Most were just visiting, some settled in and learned to call it home over time, and others came to Siege Perilous intent on joining our merry little band. Our stories of wit & bravery had spread far beyond the confines shard's borders.

Chapter 10
In November of that same year of Barter Town's young life, "The Great Turkey Invasion" was upon us. It was Jareth and I against at least 4 members of the Misfits Alliance and their pets, intent on slaughtering our delicious turkeys. Laughs were laughed, blood was bloodied, and in the end, our turkeys lived to turk another day. And the citizens rejoiced!

Chapter 11
Still in November of that same year of Barter Town's young life, "The Great Turkey Massacre" now took place and this time it was the slobbering hordes of Gilfane commanding equally slobbering beasts. Our finger-licking-good turnkeys were under assault once more. With the help of historical figures such as Nightstalker, Saint Dismas, and Jareth the turkeys' lives were spared yet again. And the citizens rejoiced!

Chapter 12
In what turned out my last great adventure, now in December of that same year of Barter Town's young life, EM Quantum invited the entire shard to join in on a "Welcome to Siege!" event and Barter Town was a major stop on the tour. Needless to say, with the help of Booglerz, my partner in crime, I came away from the event with too many "Welcome to Siege!" sashes and event robes than I knew what to do with.

Chapter 13
Winding down for my final goodbye in Barter Town's young life, Hoodwink, Vanessa, The One And Only, Littlebo Peep, Janus Kerykeion, sunset, Onjo Drak, Swindle, Ragnar, McRibisBACK, Vash, and Kros (among others) were left to live the third great age of Barter Town without me. The third age is somewhat of a mystery to me because I only heart bits and pieces of it through the grapevine over the following months. But I'm told that it started off quite well. New citizens gain their citizenship and Jester Hats aplenty. But over time, reports of their great endeavors became less and less frequent ... until the reports ceased altogether. *sniff* NEW was still fighting the good fight, but without Barter Town in addition to NEW's efforts, the population of Siege Perilous had hit an all time low. In unrelated news, manufacture of exploding crates and reports of unexplained explosions had also hit an all time low once I was no longer active. Weird.

Chapter 14
And thus, through the everlasting grapevine over the next 2 years, I occasionally got word that restoration of Barter Town was underway, out of respect for what it once was. At least 2 or 3 attempts had been made by at least 2 or 3 people. And some attempts were more successful than others, but ultimately Barter Town began to fade after the briefest of glows. The fourth great age of Barter Town has been waiting to get jump started... all it really needs is the right mayor to get the job done right.

-Chad Sexington
Founder of Barter Town

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