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Episode 0064: Theres no I in team, but there is in Basics

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This morning as I strap on my ninja belt, sharpen my dagger and clean the curry stain off my shirt with my thumb and spit I canít help being disgusted with myself....

I have been turning into a trammy collector.....

Pining over a decorative dragons head....

Stealing items purely to turn them in at an event......


But today would be different! Today I re-earn my own respect and do what a thief does best!

Today would be nothing but steal after perfect steal!!!

It would be glorious! It would be Grand! Today would forever be known as THIEF Day and bards would sing my name through the ages!



ello, ello ello my echo bounces back to me

*Adjusts crotch*


*Puffs Out Chest*

'Screw You!' I Answer

screw youuu crew Youuu My answer comes......

Bloody caves......

'I need you advice, you pompous arrogant son of a goat' I mutter fingering my daggers hilt......

'Would it be wise to record what happens this day? Will my name go down in history because of my actions?'

I can feel a slight trembling in my voice but I donít remember getting nervous.... or how i got the slight wet patch on the front of my leggings......


My ears pick up the sound of something being droped and rolling down the cave floor in my direction........ Could this be the boulder trap Iíve been warned about by the moving picture screen......

*Whatís a moving picture?*

Something slows to a stop a bare yard in front of me

'A MAGIC EIGHT BALL, YOU KIDDING? YOU STUPID SON OF A.....' I scream as Iím flung through the air and out for the cave entrance.




I hate the Gods.... There always trying to deny my greatness.....

They know they love me really but wonít admit it

*Looks At Eight Ball In Hand*

Itís worth a try.....

'Will I achieve greatness today?'


Ask Again Later

'Should I record what happens today?'


Ask again later....


*tosses Eight Ball On Ground*


'Was the gods now itís mine....??'

*picks up eight ball and struts off*

My greatest steal ever!

Thatís right! I stole it.....

*Struts away*


'Fine if the gods wonít give me an answer Iíll just have to find out myself' I mutter to myself

*Opens Rune Book*

*Closes Eyes And Presses A Random Button*

Luna Gate!!


Wait gate.....

If I want to get back into this, I should start from the basics again

Fel Yew Gate!


And I find my first target!

I remember this man!

The dirty yew gater Jerry Austin! He was the one discussing his sibling love a few days ago, that time he gave me a 115 parry, what would it be this time?

I watch him for a few minute as he destroys his competition with his incest powers, then I make my move......

Tony 1 - Gods 0!

But no stealing shot

*Light bulb flicks on*


I head back to the gate and snoop a Fe-man named Zarrcast, but whatís this? A green guard?


'Letís see how good of a guard you are.....' I laugh

*raises eyebrow at bola*

Wonder if he realises Iím on foot....

*jumps the bola*

Tony 2 - Gods 0 - Green Guard 0!

But I know I saw something else in that pack and I swear it was looking at me.

I head back to investigate

*throws up a little in mouth*

Why would someone keep an eye ball in their pack?

I better relieve them of this item, no doubt they would have used it in a three way incest sexual encounter with Jerry Austin and his half sister Steve.....

*Eyes Green Guard Who Looks Ready To Club Him*

My Good deed of the day is done!

Tony 3 - God 0 - Green Guard 0

I head to the bank to store my new sleeves and to get that rotting eye ball out of range of my nose....

And head back out.....

Roxxors has joined the party at the gate, and in his hand is a 100% Poison mace......

I snoop his pack and find yet another.......

An 10 Stone mace.....

Do I attempt to kill him in the guard area?


Killing would definitely get me a guard whack....

*looks round for green guard and finds nothing*

Steal it is!

He runs through the gate...

I follow to thank him for his donation and bank my new mace!

Tony 4 - Gods 0

4 Good steals! in one day, fel yew gaters are being very generous, i call in reserves and head back out!

I know blind is sneaking with me now as well as I spot Jon E P!

Holding a very nice bracelet and ring

I set my sights on the Bracelet and go!

Just as I pop into everyoneís vision I spot Blind Man appearing at the other side of the gate next to my target!!!!!!!

Hoping I didnít mess up his steal, I enquire who he was stealing from.......

And realise he and I have a mental connection

JON E P it was not your lucky day, you got hit by THIEF.....

And we hit you hard!

Tony 5 - Gods 0

THIEF 6 - Gods 0

Plus I got your Eight ball you useless cretins!


aaahhhh, go on then!

-Tony Emerald

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