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Episode 0038: The Reason I Hate Children

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Buenas noches amigos,

Tonight started as a regular day. A magic bracelet here, a sack of silver there, nothing real special.

There was great treasure to be had.

I know it.

I just had to find it!

I make my usual rounds and upon inspection of heartwood I find a craftsman.

A wood worker, diligently crafting wooden sex toys for the elves of heartwood and sosaria.

They say the elves can bestow an extremely valuable "heartwood runic" in exchange for massive amounts of wooden dildos and butt plugs.

Perhaps today will be this mans lucky day.

Erm, well...

My lucky day, after i steal it from his bag. ^^

I move into position and peek into his pack.

Pushing aside the oak vaginas and bloodwood penises, i find his precious stash of treasure.

A magic ring and a mighty bow!

Noticing his beetle was empty i decide to make my move. I choose to take the bow.

As he mounts his beetle and makes for the exit, I reach my nimble hands into his pack and steal his 6 stone bow.

I decide to wait for his return...

Back with a full beetle of wood he continues to craft the wooden dildos needed to satisfy the many elves of this land.

I make my self comfortable as I wait for my runic kit.


What seems like hours pass as he tirelessly works, no runic kits.

Just as he is about to leave he recieves a magic ring he hides within his holiday stocking.

I will take it as payment for my time he has wasted.

Tired of the pickup lines and provocative looks from the female elves slowly starting to surround me, I make my exit.


I wander to the filthy city of Britain where i find something extremely peculiar.

A youngling!

*checks the trees for life* -- Trees are dead

*checks the bank for trammy bank sitters* -- bank is deserted

Yep I'm in Felucca...

Children are not allowed in the dangerous land of Felucca! How did this young boy find himself here?

Perhaps i will look into this boys pack...

A book i saw sell at an auction for more than 10 mil. An artifact from a time long passed.

"you cannot steal from the Young"


*opens small red bag*

*Begins to cry*

TWO champagne glasses and a wrist watch!!

There must be a way i can get these.

Unable to be harmed or stolen from this youngling's treasures were safe.


I decide to try the only other option i had, I plea to the gods. Perhaps they will help me with my dilemma.

Waiting for my response i continue to sink my dagger into this child's flesh.

After waiting patiently I receive my response.

Automated response: "Please redo your petition and target the player who is cheating"

Uhhh, thats not what i am trying to report but ok...

*Retypes petition and targets Caedhros*

"You did not target any valid players. Please retry and target the player."


"You did not target any valid players. Please retry and target the player."



Good for nothing gods. I don't even think they read the petitions you send.

Farewell Caedhros, If you were not a youngling your intestines would be all over this floor, and your treasures mine.

I hate children.

*GM tells Jose Muerto: I really love those wooden dildos. Steal me one of those bloodwood penises if you can. I cant buy one because the other GMs will make fun of me if they knew i bought an elf sex toy.*

-Jose Muerto

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