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With my poisoning skill right where I need it, I find myself anxious to test my new weapon. Todays campaign begins with an array of deadly poisoned food, specifically the irresistible pepperoni pizza.
I prepare a feast for my meaningful friends, marinated in my special green sauce. ^^
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My friends were too occupied at the moment to come enjoy their treats, so
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I left them to their business.
I drop by the yew gate to spread some poison pizza joy. I hear it has an interesting deathy aftertaste. But alas, followers of the gate always bring an orange potion to wash down their pizza.
I recall from town to town, distributing my tainted cuisine.
I find myself in CoveLady Molly, a dazzling young lady, is sharpening her pickaxe and enjoying some midday sun.
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I immediately fall under the spell of this temptress. I've always had a thing for the blond miner type.
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Getting closer I ponder whether to snoop her pack, or bounce a gold piece off of her ass.
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I decide to take a peek into her purse.A bright shiny blue diamond, perhaps a gift to me as a token of her affection
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Accepted!The diamond quenched my thirst for shiny things but something drew me back to the green robed beauty.
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I reveal as I step close to herI give her a smile in an attempt to charm her
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"Aw what an adorable little stealther you are" She exclaims
Adorable? little stealther? She had diminished my manlyness
I attempt to recover and reveal my true profession
"I am the greatest thief to ever walk these parts!" I proclaimed
"Well isn't that cute" she replies
Bah! nothing would impress this woman!I must bring her the head of a scripter, she would certainly be mine then!
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I bid the lady farewell and set off to spill some blood.
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But something brought me back once againMy poisoned dagger was crying out to me
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"KILL KILL KILL" It said
"No dagger" I responded "She is nice, plus she's in the guardzone"
But the daggers force was strong
I assumed my combat stanceBut something cried out to me. Perhaps the remains of my repressed conscience?
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I sheathed my dagger and went off in search of a more deserving victim.
Which brings me to the eastern Britan bank.Abraxxus of Hell is sitting idly atop his ethereal steed
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His backpack contains nothing but runebooks and a skinning knifeHe is armed with a powerful dagger designed to kill dragons and such.
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I study this mans every move. He recalls in and out, each time returning with a pack full of leather for his bankbox. But I don't want his leather. I want to see him convulse from deadly poison.
I move into position and load my fukiyaTaking a deep breath, I take aim at the mans groin
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The poison courses through his veins, and Abraxxus springs to life
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But this man was no stranger to a poisoned groin, with a few incantations he quickly dispatches the poisonAnd then he is gone
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For a while I wait for his return but my frustration grows.
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What the hell was I even doing?
Can I really call myself a thief?
Will I ever do anything right?
What the hell!After some time I collected my thoughts and pressed onward.
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My first stops would be the rest of the felluccan banks. Maybe I would run into mr Abraxxus of Hell again.
Next time ill use my dagger, I thought
I dropped into Empath Abbey and noticed something was awryOJ Simpson was sitting atop his mount wearing nothing but a pair of sandles and a half apron, which was concealing his left hand.
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The display was grotesque, enough to repulse anyone.
And he seemed to get some sort of pleasure from his disgusting display
A satchel was slung over his waist and it appeared to have something weighing it down.
Closing in, I prey the pervert doesn't notice meHe is so busy eyeing the banker girl that he doesn't notice me peel open the lid of his satchel.
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A few potions, arrows
But wait, What's this?? uninsured?!?Holy flaming crapcakes!
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This is exactly the kinda score I've been waiting for!
Who does this guy think he is?
I target the dyes and prepare for the stealThis item has no value to you.
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NO VALUE! ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY!! IT'S WORTH A MIL!
I am revealed
The pervert turns around
"You've got a perty mouth" He says as he begins to lift his apron
AAH!
I run
and run
Rage consumes me
my steal, thwarted by a technicality, I realize what needs to be done
I grip my deadly poisoned dagger and trudge backI sneak up behind OJ and prepare to strike
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DIE!!!
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The dagger tears into his flesh
I stab him in the back and the poison immediately hits him
Again, and again I stab him as he convulses and shakes
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Without a chance, the poison consumes him. He didn't even try to fight back, or run away. Maybe he wanted to die.
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On his body, was my prize
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15 charges of paragon gold tokuno dye
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YES!! It was HIS, now it is MINE!
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I make my escape as word spreads of my misdoingsI laughed all the way to the bank.
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-Bill Brasky
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