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Episode 0034: Los Maricones

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Buenas Dias Amigos,

After a long walk across the deserted feluccan continent; I once again find my self at the Yew Gate. Irritated at the fact I could not locate any marks other than the battle hardened thugs that patrol the woods of Yew, I annouce my arrival to everyone in ear shot.

"Hear ye, hear ye" "The Thief Jose Muerto is here to inspect thine pockets!"

"Hide thy valuables and guard thy purse!" I yell.

"Equip thy chastity bel..." I say as i am rudely interrupted by the dainty bard Larry Song as he breaks into song with his flute.

*Who is this transsexual elf who dare interrupt my grand entrance? I am in no mood for this.* I think to my self as i glare in his direction.

He catches my glare and takes it the wrong way. Next thing i know this tranny is grinding his backside onto my groin.

Now, any regular man would have probably instantly killed this he-she for violating them. But I am no regular man, I am a thief. I take this opportunity to take a closer look at his flute.

A flute of Renewal! Oh what glorious days we live in!

Realizing my lack of stimulation from his disgusting display he plays his flute louder and steps away from me. He then continues to grind his backside on a tree as he incessantly plays his flute.

Elves love their flutes and trees a little too much if you ask me.

I boldly walk toward him and snatch his flute from his effeminate hands.

"You will be playing this flute no longer sir" I say with a sneer.

I mock him as i attempt to play his flute.

Overcome with hormones he begins to cry.

"Can i have it back please?" he says sobbing.

"How much would you like to pay?" I ask with the intention of turning down what ever offer he gave me.

"None" he replies with a seductive look and tone about him.

"I do not accept sexual favors from transsexuals." I proclaim.

He then continues his blubbering as he wanders away without his precious flute.

I head to Luna to bank my prize.

Already satisfied with my loot for my day, i slowly make my way back to Yew to see what else can be found.

And am i glad i did!

Within the pack of mantish of XV I find a tactics 110 scroll! The demand for these is very high and i have almost sold out of my stock!

I quickly take my item and notice that there is a stack of scrolls concealed within his pack.

I make another pass and see another scroll to my liking, a 110 Necromancy!

Again I reach into his pack undetected and steal my scroll.

He then recalls away. And i find my self wondering what more scrolls could have been had.

*Where would i go if I was mantish of XV?*

To the XV castle in North Minoc of course!

I couldn't have been more correct!

Unable to shadow jump to his location I miss my opportunity to snoop his pack again. He decides to take refuge inside the castle walls and i begin my investigating.

I move up to the walls and identify the inhabitants. An army of XV but the castle owner no where to be seen.

Perhaps i will wait a moment longer...

Malicore!! The Lord of this castle!! What great treasures does the mighty Malicore have for me?

Unable to shadow jump i slowly creep toward him, risking detection as i pop his pack.



*Notices Malicore is not wearing his chastity belt.*


*mantish proceeds to violate Malicore*


And that concludes another day in the life of Jose Muerto.

Hasta Luego!

-Jose Muerto

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