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Episode 0249: Evil Lord SMuRFY invests in Bananas, Earns Millions.

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My recent GOR tax collections had been profitable but I found myself concerned for my future. I had need of a sound investment portfolio.

But what could the world's greatest thief invest in?

And then it hit me...

No seriously, something hit me in the dang face!

A banana had fallen from a tree and hit me...As I began to eat the delicious banana, I formulated a plan for my financial future.

But where could I obtain a banana plantation? Even worse, where could I find a banana tree? Banana trees are hard to cut down, and frankly I don't enjoy things that involve me doing any amount of honest work.

I knew I'd need to find a way to obtain delicious bananas and banana trees without any work.
I decided to collect a few taxes from the local riff raff on this "Atlantic Shard," while I mulled over where the world's greatest thief could obtain some banana trees from...

And then I found my marks, Mr. Shadow and some random guy name "Zemus."

On a side note, who names their kid Zemus... And is Shadow really a last name? I mean honestly, some folks need to get better names. I know not everyone can be Evil Lord SMuRFY but let's all try a little harder huh?Oh right banana trees....

Better yet, these tax evading criminals were planting banana trees at their new mall in New Magincia.

Now, what took place next was somewhat predictable...To me anyway....


Suddenly, one of their precious banana trees had become mine... They were understandably upset at this turn of events.

Anger and confusion subsided as they recognized the tell tale signs of the King of Thieves... The jig was up and they offered to pay their taxes for the return of a recently repossessed tree.

Knowing that my banana tree investment had run its course, I accepted the offer, in order to write off their delinquent taxes.

Unfortunately for Mr. Shadow and "Zemus," I'm quite aware that people rarely learn learn a lesson. Moments later, they began trying to plaint their banana tree again.


Fortunately for "Zemus," he did know one thing, with amazing people like myself, flattery and gold will get you everywhere.

After two successful thefts, I sold my shares of my banana investment, for his agreement to remember to always pay his taxes.

Always remember, people rarely learn. Successful thefts are predicated on being superior to your marks, never forget that thieves are better than normal people and I am the King of Thieves.

-Evil Lord SMuRFY,
The King of Thieves

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