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Episode 0248: Evil Lord SMuRFY Tries a Classic Home Invasion




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I recently found out there are shards other than Legends and the people on these shards are wealthy, tax evading gluttons.

Well, defender of virtue that I am... ::My Best Innocent Smile::

My noble heart tells me that these gluttonous fools would benefit a home visit from the most modest man in all the realm...

I went to New Magincia, a city not unlike the New Magincia on Legends.

Disgust sank to my stomach as I saw the opulent houses of these gluttons. However, one house stank far worse of the corruption and tax evasion that seemed to be embodied here....

I approached the house as stealthy as a llama but found the doors were sturdily locked and the home was oddly devoid of windows... I knew one thing, this little McMansion was owned by one Donna Karan, professional tax evader....

The sheer audacity of it all... Advertising your name and crimes against me.

I knew this would take a bit more effort to accomplish than my usual missions. So, I sat down and contemplated my next move..

When Donna Karan suddenly arrived and walked right in the side door, unwittingly letting me sneak in too....

Thank you Donna, youíve made my attempt to teach you some humility a little easier.

And then Donna left... I inspected the house but everything was securely nailed to the floors.

ďUgh...Ē

When my chosen mark did not return, I found myself left in a house and completely bored stiff.

Entertainment in these situations is key, so I decided to read the book she had left out by her sofa.

Unfortunately, the only literature this woman had left out was a book on cooking fatty foods... The glutton.... And yet.... ::stomach growls::

Sitting around in someone elses house always works up an appetite. I bet her gas burning soul forge over there could fry fish really well.

I helped myself to fish and frying pan from her pantry and decided to make a snack.

And sat down with a nice mug of coffee and some delicious fried fish pie.

All of my hard work collecting taxes, teaching lessons, eating other peoples food and breaking and entering had left me quite tuckered out so I decided to strip down and take a nap in Donnaís lavish bed.

When I awoke Donna was decorating her home and I groggily walked downstairs to teach her a lesson.

She placed a large wooden bench on the ground. This was no bench, it was a pew from a church! This woman had robbed a church!

This travesty shall not stand!

::YOINK!::

This pew needs a better home. A home owned by a noble and modest and amazing man... I think Iíll bring this pew to my house...

Donna looked astonished and the disappearance of such a large bench from her house. She searched high and low..

Needless to say, she didnít find me.

She disappeared again so I returned to the bedroom for another nap.

When I awoke she was again decorating...

Okay... I guess she forgot about the loss of a rare church pew earlier... Oh well. I think Iíll take more stuff from her.

And she placed an extremely rare and very valuable Pillar of solid Black Rock on the ground!

::YOINK!::

Well... I think Donna has learned a lesson in humility... Next time, donít flaunt your crimes...
Tax evasion is serious business and gluttony is a sin!

Some folks need to be more modest and virtuous like me. I hope to bring my virtuous ways to the masses because everyone should strive to be as great as I. You could learn a lesson in greatness from me...


Oh yeah and Donna, next time remember to Pay Your Taxes. It's probably easier than losing over 100mill in items...


-Evil Lord SMuRFY,
The Last GOR Thief


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