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Episode 070: There be treasure to be had at Buccaneer's Den.

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Hail friends,

These wolf paws grow tired, but adventure calls once again. Arrr sends word (via carrier pigeon, Stinky) that there be more intruders in my tunnels at Buccaneer's Den!

Buc's Den. It's quickly becoming (another) home away from home. And what do you do with intruders impose themselves in your home away from home? Why you meet them and you crush them!

...and you summon half-naked concubines to inhabit the home in your absence!

(Note to self: Summon concubines. Half-naked? Preferred... Fully-naked? Acceptable.)

Down the western tunnel I go. And just as Arrr said I would, I find A Juicy Mango beating on his golem.

(He beats his golem daily. ^^)

Upon futher inspection I'm surprised to see the wealth that A Juicy Mango possesses! Everything to tease my senses. A hat of the magi, ornament of the magician, inquisitor's resolution -- you name it! And of course...

All insured.

I dig further in his pack and find that there is something to my liking after all.

I wait for Arrr to find the entrance, A Juicy Fruit takes a few steps to the right, and I forge a plan in the mean time. This was not going to be as easy as the last.

The plan was simple:

First, I would move into position to the south and Arrr would block his exit to the north. Next, I'd steal his mandrake root from his innner pack to prevent any short lived escape (and prevent any hope to cure his poison). Then, lethal poison on my part to seal his fate, mirror images on Arrr's part to further block any attempt to run, and deathstrikes from the both of us for style points.

I steal the root and land the poison. A Juicy Mango abandons his golem and darts across the wooden planks to safety, laughing all the way home at the both of us!

--Or at least he would have if Arrr wasn't there to give me enough time to land my death strike! ^^

On my way out, my pack feels heavier that usual. I check my loot once more.


I rare moonstone from days long since past! (It must have been lost in the mess of his pack.) I bank my goods, dump my trash, and prepare for the second leg of my journey.

Arrr had other duties to attend to, but my adventure was far from over.

"A recall rune for an unknown location" it's labeled.


How could I not?

"Kal Ort Por!"


The farms across the pond of Jhelom to be exact. No house ripe for looting. No Juicy Mango resurrecting ready to be robbed once more.

I take a look around.


Travisty jumps the teleporter and I give chase. I lose his scent, turn the corner, and Solomon Kain is at the inn. Daydreaming?

I move in for a closer look.

Ah! Solomon Kain was no normal adventurer, he was the captain of the mighty ship "The Pride!" He pops to life, turns the corner, and gallops out of sight. But I've seen this ship before! I've seen it docked right here in this town along the coast with its hold full and its planks locked (much to my dismay).

I quicken my pace.

Travisty & Solomon Kain exchange solace with one another...

...and Yo Yo Ma stands idle to the side.


I search, and dig, and scratch, and claw through the clutter of his pack. And finally! Again, I find something to my liking!

Then everything goes to hell.

sir zared dracon, Alish, and Daniellaangelo enter from the east, Travisty and Solomon Kain walk on over, and here I am in the middle of my foes. Watching and waiting with a ship key so very close.

One by one they lend themselves to me. One by one I pop open their packs.


Yo Yo Ma seems to attract these females by some unnatural means. They flock to him, they open themselves to him, and they just won't shut up and leave him (us) be.

"Yo Yo dye this for me."

"Yo Yo take this from me."

"Yo Yo me me me me."

*female induced headache growing*

I try to calm myself. I try to tell myself very expensive dyes were going to drop in his pack. But apparently his headache was growing as well. He steps to the right just to get some breathing room (out of my reach).


He puts up a good fight. He stays strong. But the females get to him. (No man can withstand their constant gibber-jabber.)

He loses it.

The dyes never come, the dyable treasure never comes, my ears begin to bleed, and I just want to escape... when they FINALLY announce their exit.


My bladder begins to fill and my stomach begins to turn. THE AGONY! OH THE AGONY! I CAN'T TAKE IT. I SURRENDER. MAKE IT STOP. MAKE THEM STOP. ENERGY BOLT HER IN THE FACE.


She opens a second gate and not a moment too soon. I'm about to collapse due to female induced fatigue. (The worst kind!)

All alone with only Travisty and Solomon Kain jousting in the distance. I can hear their blades. I don't even wait for the gate to fall. I risk a second shadow jump, open his pack, and take advantage of the first solitary moment between the two of us since I got here.

I wasn't going to pass it up.

"guards" he says!


(I feel his pain.)

...but he'll have to find sympathy elsewhere, for there be a stealin' that must be done!

"Kal Ort Por!" I shout out once more, to rid myself of this godforsaken place... but not too far.

The boat was docked back at the farms. With all the traffic of the day, I'd have to act fast.

I recall back home. Exhausted.

I lock down the lastest in a long line of stolen boats; each one with a story, and yet none so far having a story as exhausting as today's.

I claim victory. I claim glory. And now... I rest.

'Til next time!

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