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Episode 061: WtF? vs. THIEF (Part 1 of 2)

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Hail friends,

News has been stirring about recent blackrock activity. And it happens to be the only news that's worth a damn -- TREASURES! Zyronic Claws! Valorite Smithing & +60 Ancient Smithing Hammers! Tokuno Dyes! Madness I tell you! MADNESS!

And it's on this day that I find a fresh bulletin by Cysphruo! (He always has the latest blackrock info):
"If you happen to get a chance before server up today, check out these pink spots in the lost lands, theres an increased chance of getting blackrock there but also a ton of blackrock elementals (and tons of people)."

Was I dreaming? Treasures to end all treasures AND a treasure map provided for the treasure hungry treasure men!

No time to apply fresh poison to my dagger. No time to re-stock my dwindling cache of shurikens. ADVENTURE AWAITS!

The Light House would be my portal of entry. And so, I go.

I travel down along the coast to the south east and teleport across the delta. No one to greet me (and no surprises so far) but a stray Wyvern. I turn the corner and find a trio of blackrock elementals (just like Cysphr said their would be). I hold my breath march and on by as fast as I can. Their area effect deals minimal damage and does not reveal.

(So far so good.)

Something stirs.

I grab my crotch to make sure I'm still packing (you never know!), and voluntarily walk into hell.

Lady Stephanie is the first to greet me.

A lone vampiress alone... mining? Someone should warn her of the dangers that lay in wait around the corner! It would be unfortunate if the blackrock elementals were to wander by. I approach her slowly, intent on making my presence known. (To warn her!)

...but this vampiress wasn't alone on this late night excurssion. And she didn't just bring a few loved ones... she brought half the damn army.

Forgeblade & Juvenile are closeby, also mining the unholy ore. (Their entire guild must have a bad case of pinkeye. ^^)

I spot GingerGingivitis, Daniellaangelo, and her puppy around the corner while TekNik patrols their surroundings and...

...a mountain of 115 & 110 power scrolls! On the ground!? Used for what? To rest their aching backs from carrying around so much gold because they're so rich?

I spot some Hershey stains.

Perhaps toilet paper?

No time to decipher Gingivities' cryptic words. There's-a-lootin' that must be done! I circle around to the south and approach the scrolls from the opposite side.

I pause and wait to see if TekNik will show. He doesn't and I take a step forward.

Then another.

I take one last and final step... but the young lovers reveal me where I stand.

I grab what I can, I grab what I remember was worth grabbing, when TekNik races in from the north and doesn't look like his normal huggable self.

Earthquake after earthquake he casts, just steps behind me, while I flee the scene. Through the gauntlet of elementals I must pass once more, and this time... I fail to remain hidden! At a full gallop I feel the sting of an energy bolt in my ribs, noxious gas in my face, and a stinging sensation in my ass!

Ready to heel over and die right then and there. I wasn't going to make it without aid...

...but in these lands there is no helping hand. There is no shoulder to cry on.

I help myself.

115 Peacemaking
115 Meditation
115 Animal Taming
115 Necromancy


115 Wrestling are my prizes. Yet... as grand as these treasures may be (and as much as I need toilet paper), these aren't the treasures that were promised to me for my troubles! I roll up my sleeves and head back into the fire.

As I enter their domain just as Phantom takes a dirt nap.

I move in to lend a helping hand.

Perhaps you should be more careful how close you mine to the elementals! Perhaps you shouldn't rely on your massive ego to shield you from their aura! Perhaps you--

*the creature's aura of energy is penetrating your massive ego and damaging you!*



A bag of sending, a mystery braclet, and a mystery chest are displayed to the world. "CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!" My mind is screaming...

...but no one is there to help me.

I move as fast as I can in this ghostly form. Did they detect my body? And what was in the chest? A life savings of blackrock!? What about the blackrock!? I take the long road south to the healers of Papua half a world away.

I move in once more from the east. Almost there.

I gather my belonings just as my body decays into pathetic looking bones. And on my corpse I find my chest safe and sound. I unwrap my gift and find the treasures that have taken me to this cursed place!



Son of a bitch.


I've come too far and faced too many hardships to turn away now!

This time I help myself unnoticed and this time I'm sure I walked in at the wrong time.

I should turn around. I should turn around and go home while I still can. A sane sosarian would do just that. But it seems that is a quality that I sorely lack. Throughout today's encounter (four times now, back and forth to the bank I've gone), something strikes me as extremely queer. Follow my logic:

TekNik and Juvenile are on patrol. GingerGingivitis is on a mission to get laid. Daniellaangelo, Phantom, Forgeblade, and Garfunkle are on mining duty. And through it all, through my continuous pestering, through my constant reveals, through all the earthquakes, blackrock eles, and toxic slimes, Lady Stephanie has remained calm & collected.

Lady Stephanie has a secret, and I intend to find out what that secret is.


Four pieces of sweet, life draining, uninsured, blackrock. Images of Zyronic Claws lining the halls of my humble house dance around in my brain. Images of kegs full of tokuno dye filling my diamond plated goblet. (It tastes so good!) Images of beautiful women wearing nothing but Inquisitor's Resolutions & sandals, feeding me grapes!

I wipe my drool from my face and concentrate on the situation at hand.

Yet... I remember what happened the last time I encountered blackrock. I know I souldn't. I know I couldn't. I know I musn't. I know the gods will never let me get away with this. I know any attempt at a theft wouldn't go unpunished...

...but what if the gods played a slieght of hand in the months that have passed since then? What if all this blackrock was mine for the taking! What if every second of my life was leading to this very moment! Right here! Right now!


*flips off the gods*

(Like a toddler hypnotized by a glowing flame, I can't resist.)

"This item has no value to you."

Round 1: WtF?

'Til next time!

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