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Episode 009: Hamster Wheel of Death

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Hail friends,

Despise. The practical joke of the UO gods.

Me. The sosarian (sucker) who keeps falling for it over and over again.

Despise vs. Chad Round 1

*pumps fist at Despise*

How bad could it be?

TheOneEyedJack keeps a look out for me at the entrance to Fire as I take my first steps inside. Although his presence may attract murderers to the scene, I am ready.

I'm forgetting something. Something earlier today... I'm sure it's not important.

*walks into death's playhouse*

I carefully watch my steps, avoiding rat poo. One minute too late. Ave-k VII and Kent have a few W@R members on the run. Another of the Baracoon clan is slain on the floor. I consider snooping my red gate loving companion (Ave-k VII) but the portal to the star room is open!

He tells me, "Go in first, and we'll be right behind you..."

Although I must keep in mind, my Japanese is a little rusty. Ave-k either said that or "You can't understand Japanese remember? Go in and die so we can laugh." I'm unsure at the moment. No time to ponder this now.

*steps through gate*

Depise spits me out of it's fun-hole. I only get a glimps of the other intruders before I hear those magic words, "Kal Vas Flam."

Time stands still for that single moment.

The fire starts at my feet. And yet I'm in moment of clearity. All the answer to life's riddles rush into my tiny, little, brain--it's overwhelming.

The heat travels up my back cooking me alive.

The meaning of life is on the tip of my tongue. My spirit knows to be true but my tiny brain is too slow to follow.

Something else starts sizzling.... I smell bacon. ^^

My life flashes before my eyes.

eh? A museum? I was here this morning. Wait... there's something here. Something I'm supposed to see. Something GLORIOUS.

The white light surrounds me.

I almost have it. It's trying to tell me something...


My crispy body drops to the ground... in an unflattering position.

Round 1: Despise.

My head hurts.

What was I saying? I'm pretty sure it had to do with breakfast. Why am I craving bacon & eggs?

No time to ponder. I suit up and go back for more abuse.

Despise vs. Chad Round 2

I can't let the dungeon beat me. Not tonight.

I enter and find myself in the middle of a three way struggle. EoW, W@R, and D3bt go at it with nothing but their wits. They die one by one, but keep coming back for more.

I snoop a few packs finding nothing too exciting. Bandages, regs, more bandages... ooo silver. I resist tempation. This isn't brit gate, I must raise my standards. I tip-toe my way (through the not-so-fun-hole) into the heart of the beast...

W@R was at it again. Trainee & Sucip were working the spawn while the others were keeping EoW and D3bt occupied. They had to work quickly if they wanted to finish. Whilst I had to work even faster if I wanted to keep up with my power scroll & glory quotas.

I make my way to the alter... but I wasn't alone.

Ave-k T was watching my every move. I'd have to watch out for that one. But my fellow scoundrel, Thaloryn of LuT, was there to watch my back.


I step in rat poo.

*You've been revealed!*

The wolves pick up my scent immediately. They're heads swing around and their predatory eyes fixate on my glory filled body. I tell them it's fake-glory and I'm a fraud, but the rat men have natural B.S. detectors. *nuts*

With my dying breath I curse Ave-k T.

Thaloryn was next... I yell something out to him but it comes out as a whisper--

--the auction? The auction a few hours ago? What about it? No, I can't afford the 178million gp event shroud you tease. Something about today?

Round 2: Despise

Despise vs. Chad Round 3

You can't get rid of me that easily.

*pumps fist at the world*

W@R and D3bt are still at it. I side step their fields (again) and make my way inside (again).

Thaloryn suffered a similar fate--lifeless face in rat poo.

I wait... but not for long. The battle outside comes to me.

The fight rages on even while Baracoon falls. I snoop a few packs with nothing I need. I fill my pockets with gold and exit the dungeon.

Round 3: Tie

Despise vs. Chad Round 4

And around the hamster wheel I go as I question why I do any of this at all.



No scrolls.




Round 4: Tie

(I give up.)

I wipe my face of rat poo and gather what's left of my dignity. I need rest. But there's something nagging at me. Something about this morning.

I peek inside my bank box and have amassed fifty-thousand gold pieces for the night. Not bad actually.

"Why do I play a thief?" the sad thief ponders.

(I check my vendors.)

::Earlier That Day at Brit Gate::

JackSon: "Selling Items In Profile Party me - Xfer Token 3.2mil and Adv Char 2.5mil"

*shadow jump*

*snoop JackSon*


(I remember now.)

Perhaps there's more to stealing than simply running the hamster wheel?

(This will require further investigation.)

'Til next time!

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