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Episode 079: The Art of Playing Dead

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To have or posses as property.

With only 20 minutes before sunrise, I decide on one last stroll through the deep of Depise. And this time, I wasn't going to be alone.

The spawn was light, but the spawn was present. Nobody to greet me, but dead bodies over yonder.

I move in for a closer look...

...and find a plethora of power scrolls!

I look closer at the two who remain. And one of them just happens to be...

Precious of G!B, the Queen of All Speed Hackers!

They say she can outrun you on foot while chaining flamestrikes at you and laughing that maniacal laugh. They say she can run circles around you while eating the helpless bodies of very innocent thieves! I keep my distance and they keep watch over the many, many bodies of PainKiller. I stick around to see if any more of their many friends would show. They never do and these two never move.


One step at a time, I move confidently yet cautiously. But slim pickings all around.

And just as I turn ready to drag my feet from another party that I wasn't invited to, I look to the floor and find something to ammuse myself.

I look to my hand and then look around me. There must be others just like it in the mess that they've made!



But what could I possibly do about these two to give me some privacy?


(I ponder some more, but really... how could I not?)

Without these two watch dogs, I fill my pockets with whatever I can carry and head home with every intention of returning. And just when I thought it was going to be an uneventful night, I get word of some fun to be had after all:

"You have been reported for a murder!"


A challenge to be had indeed! Who would be the cat and who would be the mouse?

I put away what's not needed and pick up a couple of my many bags of sending -- and this part is very important. This is a subtlty that others practicing the art forget: You have to give them something to carry home as a trophy to brag about to their friends. If you don't, with blood on the brain, they'll never let you be.

I return now, not only for the scrolls that lay on the floor, but just for the thrill to see if it could be done. The clock was ticking! With my bag of goodies I head back to Depise (and into certain death).

With ghosts all around, I dare not touch the scrolls just yet. I go straight for the gold and pretend that's all I'm interested in. And then the dance begins:

They start throwing fields off in the distance as I scrap up what's left and wait for them to come to me.

I put on a show and make them earn their kill. Precious stays behind casting field after field. She stops and she grimaces. Her face twists and it turns. And if my instincts are right (and they usually are), she has sand in her vagina. She waits at the exit as her PainKiller goes in for the kill.

"Poison field, poison field, earthquake, shadow jump, earthquake, shadow jump" were the steps to the dance last week, and this week they didn't skip a beat.

"I'm cornered! I'm trapped! What ever shall I do??" I put on a show.

They cast one last earthquake, I head to the energy fielded bridge, and at a blink of an eye Precious, the Speed Hacking Queen zips across the bridge and is all over me.

"The rumors are true!" I yelp, as she takes the bait.

They squawk and they gawk over my (all blessed) body like conquering heroes. They share congratulations, they share mutual excitement, and they share unintentional, intentional awkward looks. A glance, a touch, and a giggle.

Oh, she blushes.

With her face flushed with passion and his arms holding her tight, they face their respective gina's towards each other, and when they can control their bodies no more, they push down their inhibition and... start scissoring right then and there at lightning speed!


"SCISSOR ME! SCISSOR ME!" is all they reply.

I stop and I shudder. And yet strangely... I cannot look away.

When the scissoring session is done, PainKiller heads for the star room but Precious demands his attention and sneaks in one last reach-around. I follow him to the gate. (He was done for the night.) Precious takes one last pass for any gold I've missed (and leaves the scrolls alone). I get a rez, re-equip, and finish what I started.

I take all the scrolls and this time uninterrupted. I return to the bank and Precious is there to greet me (still in self-congratulatory mode). I stop, I grin, I thank them for their time, I thank them for their insurance, I thank them for their gold, and I thank them for their scrolls!

Precious recalls one last time to see if it's true...

...she speeds all over Despise. But all the speed in the world couldn't take the scrolls that are already in my pack. And for my 20 minutes of deception and a bag of sending, I claim what's mine:
  • 75,000 gold pieces
  • 115 Mace Fighting
  • 115 Spell Weaving x2
  • 115 Stealth
  • 115 Chivalry
  • 115 Discordance
  • Sixty 110 / 105 scrolls to re-stock my vendors.
  • And pictures of their embarassing corpses that I'll charish forever.

'Til next time!

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