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Episode 078: Lost in the shadow of the bearded lady. (Part 2 of 2)

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Hail friends,

Back in the shadow of the bearded lady, in Britain, again I stand. Britain, where women walk like men, where men run like women, and where man-gina is a hot commodity! I wander the streets of Britain, keep my own man-gina safely tucked away from the muscular women, walk the walk, talk the talk, and find an elder tailor busy sewing away with a nice suit of armor and a very full beetle.

Bulk order deed after bulk order deed he accepts, completes, and turns in with a smile.

I take a closer look.

When... the tailor hops on his beetle and... and...

...doesn't move a muscle.


Was the tailor sleeping or awake?



Only one way to find out. I take a shuriken from my belt and let it work it's magic.

(Guess not.)

"lol." he/she says as he/she violates my man-gina.

Without fancy cloth, without fancy armor, molested and with no dignity I ask the local healer for aid.

With no practical compass on me, I wander aimlessly through the streets. And at East Brit Bank, it seems I'll get a chance to right my failure with the tailor.

"BANK" she says as she announces her alterness.

(This one would require a little savy to pull off.)

*cracks knuckles*

She fills her pack with thousands of regs as a few hundred spill out the sides. I help myself and it seems her alertness is not what it seems.

I reach in and take a talisman.

Not a sound.


I check her packs again and find another talisman, but this one even more powerful than the last!

I help myself, ever so quietly.

She takes a few steps forward...

...and so do I.

Nothing left of much value, I start snatching wildly. First the ninja belt, then another talisman. I have my eyes set on her mysterious little black book when... I'm flagged as a criminal!

"It wasn't me!" I tell the thick mustache'd dominatrix. "I'll do anything."


"Anything." I plead as I begin to disrobe.

I brace for guards, but all Jury has to say is "Kal Ort Por!"


I reset my mind, reset my dignity, and call this one a win. I begin to inspect the corners of the bank when God of Life rudely interrupts my gluttonous, mental field of victory.

"A murderer?" I ask rhetorically outloud.

"A murderer on a mission." I correct myself silently.

I follow him through the streets to the north, past the mage shop, past the bardic missionary, and towards... the smithy! Past the smithy he goes, I follow, I track, but soon lose my quarry. I double-back with a smile on my face for something else has caught my eye.


(It seems today is full of second chances.)

Back again with a new band of miscreants. There she stands, the one who got away, the symbol of my latest failure, and all the events of the day come to a crashing, screeching halt. There she is with her (still uninsured) talisman that I seek so badly.

I move in and this time... unabashed.

Mighty steed after mighty steed they tame. (They've done this before.)

But soon I find DankFire with 20 bandages, Alish losing it to a much greater foe, and Sardisen unable to resurrect with any bandages of his own in his inventory.


DankFire hands 5 of her 20 to Sardisen. And he uses 1 to resurrect and a few more to heal their dead friend. Their mounted mage friend gives them moral support from the side-lines but soon makes his exit.


I circle around to the north.

I grasp my kryss, keep my dagger at the ready, mount my ethereal steed, wait for that perfect moment.

The plan was simple:

Wait for the tamer to wander outside of guard zone and take on all three underequip, bandage-less, foot soldiers by surprise. A shuriken to the red, an infectious strike to the grey, everything I had left to the blue, and finally collect my prize.

Wait for it...


Wait for it...



I throw my shuriken and attack at full speed. Everything moves at slow motion now. I plundge my kryss into my foe and deliver a dose of poison while my shuriken was still in mid-flight.

I turn my attention to the tamer and... she runs east into guardzone! I can't turn back now! I am committed! I charge in guns blazing! First the poison, then a death strike. One more, one last swing I need!


I collect what's mine and just as I hide the verbal assault begins, still hoping that I'm within shouting distance.

"Chad, we're big fans."

(It's a trick!)

I head back to the bank, place my new treasures next to the others, equip my shiney new curse removal talisman, and crown my man-gina this day in spite of my failures of the past.

::A few days later::

DankFire: Heya, whats it gonna take to get my talisman back lol

'Til next time!

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