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December 30, 2008
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Old
"Maybe you should leave earlier in the day next time, especially if you only go once a month," he says with
disbelief.
New
"Maybe you should leave earlier in the day next time, especially if you only go once a month," he says,
doubt clearly in his voice.
The old version gave the wrong impression. At least with my re-read it gave off a different of tone of disbelief
in my head. This works better. Maybe when I re-read it again, that impression will change again, but that's
why I'm documenting these changes, so I can see my thoughts and progress and reasonings for the way I write.
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Old
"You're a bad liar," he says instantly.
New
"You're a bad liar."
I think this also gives off the wrong impression. I wanted him to say it with no hesitation, but I think
instantly might suggest he says the actual words in a quick manner. But instead of writing "says without
hesitation," I decided it would be better to just take it all out and let the dialouge play out how ever it
will in the readers head.
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Old
The scribe has nothing to say. I was right. "You're lucky nothing happened to you!" yells an angry
Stark!
New
The scribe has nothing to say. I was right. "You're lucky nothing happened to you!" yells an angry
Stark.
That last exclamation point was a typo.
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Old
"And I be they would have ignored you if you were attacked to be taken for the necromancers."
New
"And I bet they would have ignored you if you were attacked to be taken for the necromancers."
Typo.
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Old
He raises his hand again, this time apologetically. "Do what you want with your collection. You run a business
thought. I'll pay you to make copies of what I need. As quickly as you can manage. I will pay any
cost for the ones I need."
New
He raises his hand again, this time apologetically. "Do what you want with your collection. You run a business
though. I'll pay you to make copies of what I need. As quickly as you can manage. I will pay any
cost for the ones I need."
Typo again. How embarassing.
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In total that's a net change of -6 words to the chapter for a total of 1,537 words. (For some reason Version 1.00
also has the same count according to Microsoft Word... did I forget to write down a change?). Good chapter.
No major corrections. Simple typos are something I should be able to catch, but somehow I always miss some.
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