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Episode 0393: All Too Easy - Part 2

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Like I said in a previous episode, I've been on a break from UO for over 4 years. And at the time I left, the "new" Global Chat™ system was just being implemented on all shards. Anywhere, at any time, anybody could choose to broadcast any message they wanted and it would be heard across the entire shard. I didn't get to play with it much by the time I quit. But now that I'm back, I've decided that it's the silliest thing EA has ever introduced to the game, especially on Siege Perilous. Has Siege gone soft while I was away? Does everyone just not care who is listening in to everyone's conversations? In the past, other thieves & scammers would go to great lengths into infiltrating other people's TeamSpeak channels. And now, with Global Chat™, it's essentially free TeamSpeak infiltration for everyone, always, everywhere. I suppose these "All Too Easy" episodes will continue until Siege wakes up and realizes that there are people like me who are listening to all of their deepest, darkest secrets.

On second thought, EA isn't to blame for the mass thievery that is about to hit Siege, it's the players who use it without a care in the world. Global Chat™ should be used for 3 things: (1) New players who are looking for help getting started, (2) contacting someone on the shard (who you would then meet and then invite to a party), or (3) making actual shard wide announcements for events, for example. There is zero reason why stealing should be this easy, but if people continue asking to be stolen from, who am I to argue?

Hail friends,

There I was, putting some finishing deco touches on the brand new Barter Town Casino (more on this later), when I get the call from a thief who is as stealthy as he is handsome, The Gooch:

The target was Wildfire from [A] and the rumor was that he was holding untold riches on his person and I intended to confirm this rumor for myself.

The Gooch chased him out of the bank, Wildfire gave him the ol' round-y-roo, and now I was chasing him back in.

(He's a lot more slippery than he looks.)

I have no idea what he template is except...

Apparently, he has hiding.

(Good to know.)

He takes a few steps forward (out of hiding) and is appears the rumors were true!

Purple Fey Leggings in his main pack and a small pouch with a pile of major artifacts, ripe for the taking.

I pause, take a second looks and quickly look at the weights of the potential targets:

7 stones.
7 stones.
5 stones.
7 stones.

To pull a theft of a 7 stone item in guard zone is possible, but not likely. A 5 stone item is hard enough as it is, but at this point, it was my only option. I target the Invigorating Gargish Leather Leggings and--

"Guards! They're stealing! Come quickly!"

The Gooch takes a halberd to the face and dies one of the most heroic deaths I have ever seen.

Wildfire gets spooked, darts a few steps to the right and hides again.

A few other people strolled in and out of the bank, but it was clear that Wildfire was the real prize.

Wildfire pops out (again) and I get into position (again).

The purple Fey Leggings disappear, but the small pouch remains (I think). He bolts East, out of the bank to locations unknown.

(The game was afoot.)

With my target still yet, I make my rounds East out the bank and swing down around and exit Luna out the South gate, but I'm flying blind.

I swing across and over and back around to the bank.

Wildfire is soon spotted heading out the moongate and at this point anyone's guess is as good as mine. The Gooch decides to check some spawns while I hit up other banks.

My first stop was Skara Brae.

All empty.


I wait to hear back from The Gooch, but things are looking grim. All hope was lost. Luck was not on our side. There was absolutely no way we would ever be able to find--

Wildfire: Row of black robed vendors.
Wildfire: Yew Gate.



*face palm*

And thus, through sheer cunning, quick wit, and great instincts which have never been witnessed in this world or the next, I brilliantly divine & deduce that Wildfire (who was speaking to a fellow guildmate and just as easily could have sent this same message in guild chat) will most likely be at Yew Gate in front of a row of black robed vendors.


(Don't ask me to reveal my secrets.)

(I'll never tell.)

Wilfire was there just as I suspected, but he wasn't alone:

I triangulate Troy McClure's hidden location a few steps to the side of the moongate, get in close to the vendors, and a hidden Wildfire attempts to stealth over my invisible body.

(He fails.)

With both hiding and stealth on his template, I would only have a few seconds before his ability to hide again would reset. I snap out of animal form, don't bother snooping his pack, and blindly go for the Invigorating Gargish Leather Leggings that I had targeted over 10 minutes ago. I was betting on the fact that when he put his purple Fey Leggings away that he had over looked the innocent looking pouch (filled with treasure).

(I was right.)

I bank my new pair of leggings and return as fast as possible.

(There was still more treasure to be had.)

The Gooch and myself were on the hunt and it's at this point where Nightstalker, a thief who is as cunning as he is dashing, joins the fray. And he wasn't alone...

Something must have been in the air because chaos was about to errupt as the second half of our story begins:

Bo [YARR] and sir Vincent [TNA] join Wildfire [A], Troy McClure [A], The Gooch, Nightstalker, and myself as we all converge on Yew Gate.

I find my target, The Gooch and Nightstalker circle around, and Wildfire and Bo begin to duel.

The plan was simple:

Instead of stealing the major artifacts one at a time, wait until Wildfire takes a dirt nap, pop open his corpse, and loot the small pouch before anyone has a chance to react. Wildfire had already packed his treasure into an easily lootable container, all that was left was the execution.

Bo gets a jump on Wildfire early, but a few jabs and a couple haymakers later and Bo goes down.


They offer Bo a resurrection and a few heals and Nighstalker is the first of our heroes to make a move.

Nightstalker goes in for something, darts out, and sir Vincent and Troy McClure give chase.

While Nightstalker distracted half the bunch I notice something very peculiar: every time Wildfire cast a healing spell his kryss would drop.

It was time for plan B.

Target Wildfire's very nice kryss, wait until he casts a spell, and take the kryss right out of his pack before he could re-equip it.

I trip over something, reveal myself, and quickly rehide.

Nightstalker goes in for a disarm steal on the same kryss I was targeting. He runs north and our foes give chase with The Gooch and myself right behind.

(Nightstalker learns the hard way that disarm stealing is currently bugged.)

With Nighstalker down, the Yew alliance quickly turns on one another.

Wildfire goes down and I make my move.

I grab what I can, as fast as I can, and quickly hide under pain of death.

I managed to grab one item.... wait... no, two items. I check my pack and... I got a goddamn cloak and apron?

(I'm so bad at this.)

With my tail tucked between my legs, I head back in hopes of recovering some of my remaining dignity.

I have no idea what's going on and I don't particularly care. There were two corpses full of loot. The Gooch goes for the top body, a newly resurrected Wilfire gives chase, and I finish the job.

I head decide to bank my loot before diving back in and find Hand of DooM arriving late to the party.

Curiously, he pops out of Yew Gate, looks around, and exits back out. I'm guessing that he also needs to bank some valuable loot before looking for a fight and I'm betting that he's going to do it at Luna Bank.

(I was right.)

We all hang around for a bit, but the crowd soon disperses (probably needing replace their missing gear).

Troy McCure shows up at the casino doorsteps, but I'm going to call this one over and I'm going to call it a win.

The Gooch ended up with the majority of the loot, Nighstalker provided the majority of the distractions, and I managed to loot & steal a few things here and there. All-in-all, a good day for our heroes.

And the moral of this story?

(I couldn't have said it better myself.)

'Til next time!

-Chad Sexington

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