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Episode 0358: A great thief once said: Don't let it define you.

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He was referring to the steal by which most define me. Mostly due to the fact that I was lazy in my taking of the screenshots, and missed hundreds of possible episodes along the way. Tonight will be a lesson, however, for all young thieves. There are some steals that are great, but don't let great steals be confused with steals which are important. Our lesson will begin in a strange land, far far from Sosaria.

Mountains as far as the eye could see. Mountains and cold, two hours from all civilization, with the mountains at your back, and an ocean at your front, and only one road out of town. Good, I thought upon entering. They did the leg work for me. All my marks are now in one place. But a famous thief can't just march into town, he must disguise himself. I donned my disguise, and walked into the first vendor house I could find.

It had all gone off without a hitch. I'd made my way in, unnoticed, but one could definitely see that I was rusty. It took all of a split second for me to slip up.

Anti-thief protocol? Really?

WHO PUT THAT MOTION SENSOR THERE? Genius. Someone had obviously tipped them off that hoodwink was coming to town. It wouldn't matter in the end, because I am Hoodwink, the king of thieves, and I will always succeed. Besides, on the travel brochure, it stated that this was the land of snow and ice, the land where all men were alcoholics, and all women drove men to drinking. Reminding myself of this fact, I walked past the sensor and hid once more. On my way in, I noticed a sign, which confirmed all my beliefs. How genius could these townspeople be.......if they needed instructions on how to use a door?

It appeared to be a place of groceries and female hygiene products, but my thieven eyes could see there was more to the picture. A bootlegging operation, hidden on the other side of the vendor house.

I could hear the owner coming, and my pace quickened. I would need to utilize my stealth. I would dodge the motion sensor on my way out, and it would all go according to plan. Looking at my path before me, I DOUBLE CHECKED for no floor motion sensors (they wouldn't fool me with that twice!) and I hastened forward.

Son of a bitch! Who puts in motion sensors AND ceiling cameras? And WHERE did they get this technology in this part of the world!?

I'd been seen now, and although I'd been spotted sneaking about, I also was now a PART of the bootlegging operation going on. I had blackmail, and I WAS the one in power. *nods head* The owner was glaring at me, like he knew....beneath my disguise, that I was hoodwink. Everyone knows me. *No you're an attention whore!* In the distance, I saw what I'd be liberating on this day.

A drink of kings, nay, a drink of the gods. They say only the manliest of men can consume this liquid, and actually remember the events of the previous evening. Here it was, at my fingertips. *preciousssssssss* What did you say? the owner asked. *not that it was his business*

I said I am taking this! I began my walk towards freedom, and the owner proclaimed, "That's great, but I shall need your I.D."

I had no idea what I was feeling at this point. Whether it was a sense of disgust that this peasant had no idea who I was, or whether I was grinning like an idiot because my disguise was so good that he'd not recognized me! *Seriously, look at my face, I cannot tell whether tis a look of disgust or the grin of an idiot* But I took notice of that familiar gleam. The currency of this region!

That will be 10.85 the owner claimed. I handed him a card that I was given by the bank. They said here, use this card, you won't need to carry money around anymore. Just use this code to pay for items! Ha, imbeciles, they just give money away here! I need to remember to keep using that bank! He handed back my card, and I asked him if that was one of the real live alcoholics I hear are famous for being seen in this region. *points behind him* *Yoink*

I grabbed the drink to end all drink, the drink that separated boy from man, and man from god. I made sure on my way out, as a show of kindness, to drop in a gold piece for a lonely penny bucket.

On my way out however, on the opposite counter, where he acted as grocer and not bartender.......

.....Of course, this is a test. You already got the steal hoodwink, get out. This is trouble, said the angel on my shoulder. At least that's what the angel would have said had he existed. *There are no voices in my head!*

But then I looked back, and I remembered. Many a time where I could have just took the loot and ran. But no great story was ever born from playing it safe. *Is that one of the women that drives the men to alcoholism? (points)* *yoink*

I'm sorry sir, I must be the one that's been driven to alcoholism this evening! I made my way back towards the Bat Cave.........working past my own system of security! There are no pictures because I don't want other thieves attempting to get past my door! *No, the reason is not because I leave my door unlocked at night! Your mother leaves her door unlocked at night.*

I'd made it past the first system of security! But that was the easy part. Should any other thief get past my door, they would not be prepared. My second most important steal, it watches over my house, protecting and smothering anything that comes near!

THIS IS A DOOR!!!!!!! Even I tremble, because I know....it's on the other side, ready to pounce. The reaction is so fast, one must wonder how the creature doesn't mistake it's own master for enemy...... but somehow....it knows. With the thought bringing ease to my mind, I open, and get what's coming to me. Karma be damned.

Double take for added ferocity!

And after a hard day's work, it's time to relax? What kind of person steals a dog you ask? Now now, the important steal was me stealing her away from her lonely life at the animal shelter. *that doesn't count!* *Your mother doesn't count* *Real mature, answering everything with your mom jokes* *Your mother was a real mature your mom joke*

But what of the most important steal? The most important steal was never recorded, but I keep it with me always. Regardless of what the great thief told me, I don't let it define me, I CHOOSE to let it define me. It was, of course, the heart of a young woman .

Without her support, Hoodwink the Thief would never have existed. I know you are wondering, but Hoodwink, all the women want you, and 85% of the homosexual male community, how ever did you choose!? Scientific method my friend! (A drawing contest of course)

That picture was drawn in celebration of the rare's fest incident .

It was great advice, saying don't let it define you. However, I never let the great steal define me. Though, I am proud to say, that I embrace being defined by those important steals . To truly wear the crown of the king of thieves, you will too. Stay to the shadows friend.

Disclaimer: *A big thank you to everyone who was a good sport in the making of this, ESPECIALLY the confused cashier at the liquor store*


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