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Episode 0318: Thief: Dissension

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Chapter 1

Carver - The Thief From The East

After hearing about the possibilty of owning Chad Sexington's famous footwear, i thought this was reason enough to actually get up and steal something. For this adventure, i decided it would be best to use my Great Lakes thief.

I, personally, cannot stand using disguise kits. But, a nice place to begin would be a good old fashioned guild steal. The only way this will happen for me is through disguising myself. About a year and a half ago, i transferred to Great Lakes and i stole over 200mil in items from a guild called Guild of Friends [GOF]. The entire shard has seemed to be much more cautious with recruiting ever since.

I had a stroke of genius. I was trying to talk to someone in Luna, when i realized he spoke very broken English - and it hit me. An English to Japanese translator.

//TRANSLATION - (Excuse me, may i join your guild?)

Surely this lost Japanese player is harmless, right?

My plan soon blew up in my face unexpectedly.

//I could have been less lazy with the way i dressed, considering i only tossed on a monk shroud. Still...ridiculous.

After having my cover blown, i returned to Luna bank. I noticed that the people around me were talking about how they loved smoke breaks. I'm not a smoker, but i decided i could be one if it would help my situation.

Rather than joining the Smokers' guild, Anne Arkeigh invited me to her guild. This should prove profitable.

Anne brings me to her house to show me some items she believes are rare.

Unfortunately, she had nothing of value at her houses. I was able to slip away before my disguise wore off. Now i could no longer speak in Guild Chat due to the fact i would show as "Shinobi" and not "Carver". Then again, maybe i can use her allies to my advantage. I can pretend to be in one of the other guilds in the alliance, speaking only in Alliance Chat. Sounds fool-proof...right?

(Alliance)Shinobi: is anyone online in the other guilds?

(Alliance)Anne Arkeigh: hehe, your back

(Alliance)Shinobi: i'm back from where?

(Alliance)Anne Arkeigh: o wait, who is this?

(Alliance)Shinobi: who is THIS? lol

(Alliance)Anne Arkeigh: lol well, these are my guilds

...she owns all 3 guilds in the alliance. Of course.

I decided to tell her that i was Carver, and that i had used incognito to playfully trick her. She laughed it off. Time to make my move.

Chapter 2

Conflicting Conscience

Anne believed that i was returning after being on a break from UO. I decided to attempt to steal her personally blessed crimson cincture. This would be a very easy steal. I can see how it would go down:

Me: Hey may i buy that crimson cincture from you for a reasonable price?
Her: No, sorry it is not for sale.
Me: What if i paid THIS much?!
Her: Oh, fantastic! Give me a moment to remove this personal bless deed.
Me: Sure thing!
*She places the crimson cincture into her backpack and unblesses* //FYI, items blessed with a personal bless deed MUST be in the owner's backpack in order to unbless.
Me: It is mine!
Her: Oh *clap clap clap* what an amazing show of skill and cunning. Bravo sir, bravo!

Yeah...this is gonna be great. I lured her to Luna bank to set up the steal. That's when i see this on my screen:

(Guild)Anne Arkeigh: i can help you get back on your feet, i'm not rich but i'll help however i can

Really? She has to be THIS nice? Why couldn't she just cuss and fart a lot like the other UO players i run into? I can't bring myself to steal this from her.

Maybe i can steal something worthwhile from her friend, Dyr Maker. Hopefully he isn't as nice as she is.

After passing up the crimson cincture, part of me still wanted to steal it. While i was speaking to Sadden Paradise and Kimberly, i gave Sadden a proposition:

The thought of possibly getting to steal the crimson cincture made me anxious to attempt it. However, at the same time, i still could not bring myself to do that to such a nice person. The thief in me wanted to steal the item, while the person behind the thief did not want to hurt such a nice person's feelings. Years ago, this thought would not have even crossed my mind for a second. I would have already stolen that crimson cincture, and this story would be over. Am i going soft?

I gave Tee Hee Hee a similar proposition as Sadden Paradise:

It doesn't look like anyone else will walk in the shoes of a thief.

I needed some random stealing, nothing planned too far ahead.

Chapter 3

Meet The Crystal Thief

About 2 years ago, i had an idea hit me. I had always played around with communication crystals, but could never figure out much of a real use for them. One day, i suddenly disconnected from the game and the idea came out of no where. I quickly logged back on and made a functioning prototype.

I combined communication crystals with great organization, allowing me to watch over all of Felucca's banks at once from a room in my house. I had all of the receivers locked down and taged. When anyone in Felucca said "bank", i saw it. I would then intercept them while they bank their items.

It wasn't until recently that i finally realized how to make this "machine", as some thieves call it, portable. I felt foolish after this realization, seeing how simple the solution actually was the entire time.

Basically, the portable version works the same, except the amount of times the message is automatically spammed by the person corresponds with that number entry in my bank runebook. For instance, four spams = Britain, because it is the fourth entry in my runebook.

//The portable version.

I turned the machine on and got a bite at Fel Britain bank. I arrived just in time to have my cake...

...and eat it too.

//Bleh...cake kept in a hot backpack is no good.

While watching the crystals, i decided i needed a home on Great Lakes. My house is on Atlantic, and considering i don't plan on letting it fall, i thought a tokuno ship would make a great home for a thief. I bought one and parked it at Fel Bucc's bank.

//Home sweet home.

I did manage to steal a Cloak of Death from a tool named Krayzie Bone. However, it isn't even worth going into that great of detail. Just know that he was such a cry baby, that i started to treat him like one.

Suddenly, Fel Brit starts to get activity again.

//Reds, hide!

No matter where i search, i cannot seem to find anything worthwhile. I'm beginning to regret passing up that crimson cincture.

//Haven't been feeling like it lately.

What is it with Great Lakes and Fel Britain? Jeez, i might as well ditch all the crystals except that one.

As soon as i appear, they start to invis themselves. Good thing i have Detect Hidden, haha.

Why are they hiding and screaming for the guards? There is nothing here for me.

What a miserable dry spell...not one good thing to steal. I would love any kind of steal at this point, no matter the value. If only someone would be delivered to me...

Chapter 4

Pileon Pete U R 2 Sweet

Bank, bank, bank, bank, bank...five means Fel Cove.

//Looks as if he's trying to hide this backpack.

//Gotta love small talk.

I end up stealing 2 powders of fortifying, and a strange rune. This was a Felucca rune titled "Luna Mint". I figured it was worth checking out.

And then i pushed my luck one step too far...

//Too bad i had just banked the steals.

After rezzing, i decide to check out that rune i stole from him. It takes me to a house, right outside the Cove gates...lazy?

This has to be a sign of some sort. I steal this strange rune from a backpack, and it leads me to a thief in training? Let me see what this is all about.

Instead of coming to speak to me, the thief logged out. This character named Sonny appears, starts downing potions, and starts to equip his gear.

It turns out that this big fella is Pileon Pete. That was his house rune that i stole. Now, he isn't too happy with me, but that doesn't mean he's going to leave his porch. Maybe i can lure him out.

Pete didn't budge. I realized the only thing that will get him off his porch is his own items. I let him know that he has "passed the test", and can now have his items back. He takes a step forward to receive his prize.

Well at least this time around he took the time to insure his powder.

Unfortunately for Pete, i'm in the mood to steal absolutely everything else.

I'm a fair man though, so i give him a chance to kill me and get it all back.

It took that Pileon Pete an entire minute to get the nerve to step foot off of his stoop, but by that time my criminal status had worn off.

He walks up, takes one look at me, then runs back to the safety of his home.

Oh well, some people shouldn't live in Fel i suppose.

Chapter 5

Kill 'Em With Kindness

I hop onto Atlantic for a moment to hang out, but something has caught my eye.

Working with a guild member, i decide to guild this BoBo Teh ClOwN to steal his robe and possibly kill him for the rest of his items.

The moment BoBo joined the guild i stole his Most Knowledge Person +4 HP Replica that he had in his backpack, and then summoned my super dragon to finish the job considering how wasteful it would be to let all these uninsured items get away.

The majority of the items were things like cursed artifacts and such, so i decided to be polite and return those items of lesser value to him. Soon after, i was told that he is really a cool guy and had just gotten scammed. There's that feeling again, ugh.

At least i can trade him these items for his new compassion dye...right?

//I give him the rest of the items.


It is official, my emotions are getting the better of me. What is the point of being a thief if i start to return the items i have stolen? It's time to get a hold of myself.

Chapter 6

Raleigh The Troops

It is time to leave this guild. The girl was very polite, but part of me wishes i would have stolen that crimson cincture. The friend also never logged on, so that was a bust as well.

Hopefully this disguise will have better luck...

Time to play the returning player once again.

I approached Lord Knightshanks and asked him how i go about joining a guild.

Suddenly, Beth [GOF] busts through a door and takes over the situation.

I let Beth know that i have been out of the game for a while. It is all such an overwhelming experience for a returning player, such as myself.

Beth opens a gate...

On the other side of the gate is Captain Murphy. He must be in charge of this operation.

Multiple times Beth has yelled at the Captain, and only the Captain. Am i missing something?

After Beth gave the Captain a stern verbal beatdown, we take our seats inside for the interview.

//GOF knows me well, so i would not be surprised if my typing speed can give my identity away to them.

It seemed that the Crystal Thief is not as secret as i thought. Somehow, the people of Great Lakes must have known i was unable to act at the time, because the moment i sat down at that table, the crystals went crazy and did not cease until the end of the interview.

Captain Murphy: how long have you played UO?

Shinobi: i played back around 2003-2005, then i took a break until 2007, which is when i returned until august of 2009

Captain Murphy: have you been in other guilds on this shard?

Shinobi: i was in one back in 2007, i cannot for the life of me remember their name though, lol

Captain Murphy: i have those days myself

Shinobi: hehe

Captain Murphy: well, we're a tram based guild

//Oh really i didn't know this...

Shinobi: i don't think i'm prepared for felucca yet anyway, haha

Captain Murphy: we like to keep bad words to ourselves


Captain Murphy: may i ask what u expect to gain by joining gof?


Shinobi: well, i just would like to have a group of people to hang out with

Shinobi: it has been so long, i might have a few questions, i am not looking for hand outs

They took me by surprise when they asked "What questions? we'd be glad to answer them." I went into a typing frenzy at the simple, yet unexpected, offer.

After the typing frenzy, there was a 30 second awkward silence. Am i busted?

Beth: there are so many helpful people in GOF

Shinobi: oh, good

Captain Murphy: this is probably the best guild on the shard

Finally the meeting ends and i am escorted to another house.


I was told to read the GOF rule book. I believe last time around i was quizzed afterwards.

They need to work on their spelling...

After i finish reading the book, i am excited to join.

So much for the crystals.

Then i finally get the message i have been waiting for...

Chapter 7 Welcome To The Guild

It's ok though, i am not a full-fledged member yet, right?

The thing i hate most about joining guilds is having to make up a fake template. I'm not sure why, it just bugs me.

I rattle off some skills, one of which being Necromancy to cover for my Scoundrel title.

After a little more small talk, i recall away to start the hunt.

Without any targets hanging out at Luna bank, i decided to take a stroll around town. That is when i ran into Baine.

He had nothing worthwhile in his pack...but i will be seeing him again.

One issue with robbing a guild is how careful you have to be. You have to stealth 100% of the time, especially when nearing the end, and after the loss, of your disguise. This means i cannot take my usual trips through random Fel gates i once enjoyed so much.

Upon making my way back to Luna bank, i run into the Captain himself. His pack doesn't seem to do justice to his rank.

Another target, looking as poor as can be.

Due to the lack of activity in GOF, i decided to lure them out myself. If i can get them to unknowingly give away their own locations, i might have better luck at securing a good steal.

After asking in General Chat for a guild shout out from the major guilds of Great Lakes, i eventually make my way down the list to GOF.

//Some aren't too pleased with my sudden upbeat attitude, haha.

After not getting the response i had hoped for, our friend Baine shows up once more. I decide to try to party him in an attempt to somehow get his crimson cincture uninsured.

//One thing i have learned in my years as a thief is that sometimes the most desperate, pathetic attempts will result in a very valueable steal. Have no shame.

Upon partying Baine, he replies with "sup shin". This took me by surprise. Typically, only the people i know semi-well refer to me as "Shin". Due to my terrible memory, i had to ask where i know him from.

Baine lets me know that he was a player i stole a cloak from in Fel Yew the other day when i was bored. I stole his cloak, equipped it, and we had a laugh and talked for about 5 minutes.

Judging by my 5 minutes i shared with Baine the other day, i decide not to attempt anything. My conscience is ruining me.

Maybe i could still use Baine to my advantage. I casually ask him where the rest of GOF is, and to tell them "SHINOBI WANTS TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON GUYS!"

He waits a few seconds...then gives me this response:


Where did this come from? Surely not guild chat, because i would have seen it, haha. He had also told me that they were not on Vent. Such a liar, lol.

Baine runs off in a hurry and disbands the party. I decide to go after a specific member named Capt.Jack Sparow (how many Captains are in this guild?)

I try to lure him out via General Chat...

//Surely someone named after such a beloved character would arise and defend it.

With no response, i try one last time:


My patience is wearing thin. Luckily for me, i have allies in this profession.

Time for a little team work.

Chapter 8

There's No 'I' In 'Thief'...Oh Wait...

After logging onto Atlantic, i knew just the thief for this situation.

Enter: Robo

She had proven her persuasion skills in a similar incident where the two of us ended up scoring 200mil in items from a guy and his vendor. She did the talking, while i did the stealing. We split the profits 50/50, and we will again.

I ask Robo to meet me at the guild house for a quick briefing on the situation.

With Robo now on board, the two of us make our way to Great Lakes.

Upon reaching Great Lakes, i party Robo and read, off of the guild roster, who is online.

As we're trying to decide who to target, Ihvorhiis talks in guild chat. We throw together a quick plan to have Ihvor meet us at Luna.

(General Chat)Robo: is ihvorhiis online?

(General Chat)Ihvorhiis: yeah

We get Ihvor to meet us in Luna, hoping that she has a vendor.

After telling Ihvor that word on the street is her vendor = hot, she informs us she has no vendor and Robo must be mistaken.

I then tell Robo to ask if anyone in her guild has anything good for sale.

Ihvor points out that Baine has a wonderful pair of tinker leggings that may be for sale. This was unexpected.

This story could have ended days ago with Anne's crimson cincture, or the steal/looting of BoBo. Instead, i let my emotions get in the way of the stealing, which has led me on a winding path over the past week. This journey will not end unless i decide to do what i have done for years: Remember that it is a game, and i play a thief in that game.

There is no polite way to steal someone's items. If i continue to pick and choose strictly based on personalities, then i might as well hang up my shadow dancers. The thief in me is excited to make the steal, yet the player is holding back.

Welcome to my UO life as a thief with a conscience that is constantly conflicting my decisions.

Enough of this, i'm a thief and i won't let my emotions stand in the way of a good steal from a nice stranger.

Chapter 9

Spare The Conscience, Spoil The Thief

With my inner tug of war at bay, it's time to finish what should have ended long ago.

Noticing that the tinker leggings are equipped (and insured) on him, i realize that a vendor is the only viable option to make this happen.

Suddenly, another possibilty falls into our laps.

A ring? Possibly equal to, if not greater than, the value of the leggings? Yes, please.

Soon after hearing about this, Robo decides it would be best for her to hop on another character. Too many specific questions, from the same person, about supposedly random things is not wise.

After partying Nightmare, Robo's other newb character, we focus on figuring out what is on this ring. All we currently know is that it is a dexer ring of sorts.

Nightmare (who i will now begin to refer to as Robo) will make sure to get this ring into the topic of conversation.

Meanwhile, i am having to follow this guy back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. It is moments like this that tracking reveals its true potential.

//Not being able to mount up can get frustrating. I could run while stealthed, but i refuse to risk revealing. Animal form and shadow jump would prove nice right about now...

Robo managed to get the topic right where she wanted it.

During the middle of negotiations, Baine suggests selling off his entire suit to Robo.

//Fantastic...just, fantastic.

Realizing the chance we have at a multi-steal, me and Robo discuss the order in which i should steal the items. At this point we are still unsure of the value of this imbued ring.

//Looks like we're doing it the old fashioned way.

//I wouldn't say "buy", per se.

With negotiations at an end, the time to take action has come.

//I love it when a plan comes together...

They run to his vendor on the South end of Luna. Robo stalls him while i make the walk.

//He can't wait to get those clothes off.

Robo lets me know which vendor is his, this way i can get a fair warning if he decides to remove something off of it.

//Before making a big steal, i tend to doubt my own steal last target macro. I have had cases where the last target comes undone for no reason, resulting in myself revealing without stealing the item. I retarget the item until i feel comfortable that it "took", lol.

//Well, that sure sounds sketchy.

Baine runs to get a bag to place all of the items in, which he plans on setting at a price of 125mil on the vendor. Now, rather than uninsuring and placing one item at a time on the vendor, they will all have to be uninsured in his pack at once.

It's time...

Chapter 10

Stay To The Shadows, Friend

//Uninsured. I also checked to make sure the ring was as well.

I had to act now, if i gave him time to uninsure everything in the pack, he would toss it on the vendor instantly. As long as one item remained insured, the pack could not be put on the vendor.

As i steal the leggings, he runs as fast as he can...as planned. Let the chase commence.

//Due to the urgency of the situation and the vendors, my journal was spammed and i was unable to take a pic of the "You successfully steal...".

//Robo is loving this via party chat, haha.

As i chase him all around Luna, i lose him. Thinking quickly, the only logical place to run would be the bank. I find him about to bank the remaining items, and run up to him. This sends him into another frenzy, causing him to run upstairs and log out rather than tossing the items in the bank.

//He logged off in the corner next to me.

//He cannot hear you Ihvorhiis.

//Tossed legs in the bank, quick pic of them while i have the time.

Realizing that Baine will undoubtedly log back on soon, i hide to wait him out.

//I am still on the roster as Raleigh, buying me some time while they figure it out for themselves.

Surprise, surprise. Look who has returned.

//Thinking he gave me the slip, Baine takes his time equipping his items...big mistake.

//Seeing that the crimson cincture is already insured, i waste no time stealing the ring.
//Just as added proof, note that the ring falls into the bottom left of my pack, above the bread.

As i steal the ring, Baine bolts for the stairs and runs far from the bank. Just to be safe, i bank the ring with the leggings.

//This time i make sure to get the shot of the journal, realizing later that i got the initial message in the previous picture.

I find Baine equipping the remainder of his armor (which was not very impressive aside from the leggings, the ring, and the crimson cincture) not far from the bank.

//Yay! A celebratory romp through town? Great idea!

Baine, for some reason, is not happy to see me.

//Missed me!

//120 Juking.

I decide to lead our little parade through Luna.

//Ring Around The Bank, i love that game!

//After all that stealthing, i could use a good run.

//He clips me, but i don't seem to notice.

Growing tired of this, i duck into an alley.

After arriving at the Luna bank in hopes of some random steals, they solve the mystery.

Having finally taken control of my contrasting selves, i return to my makeshift home in triumph.


<< | Shinobi | >>
<< | Persuasion Stealing | >>
<< | Disguise Kit | >>
<< | Hall of Fame | >>
<< | Great Lakes | >>
<< | Guest Episodes | >>

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