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Episode 0291: To Live or Die? Seriously?

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Oh Atlantic shard… You submit to my rule so easily.

As part of my reign, I am enacting a new law on the Atlantic shard.

SMuRFY’s Law of Atlantic #1 “Thou shalt have a name that does not suck.”

If your name is a phrase or something that is idiotic. You shall incur a fine. Any thief may rob you at their discretion. Your name shall be judged by either the King, or any thief that encounters you on the scene.

As I wandered the Atlantic shard, I sang of my greatness for all to hear. It was to my ire that within three minutes visiting the fine town of Jhelom, that I encountered “To Live or Die.”

Fortunately for him, his idiotic name did not require death. It DID, however, require a fine….

I try to introduce myself to this bizarre blue haired man.

I could tell he was only semi-literate. He was quite rude… Rumors of how “admirable” he was, were greatly exaggerated.

I tried to explain to him that his “name” was in violation of the law. I don’t think he understood, he muttered something about being rich and great. I assume he was talking about how great I am, but flattery would not help him this time.

After further attempts to persuade him to comply willingly, I was forced to take drastic measures.


A scroll of alacrity for mysticism skill… This will do nicely.

Oh, and sir, the word you want is “thieves.” You have to love “thieves.”

And, I agree. Thieves are great. We police the realm, righting wrongs and protecting the innocent. It’s really a good thing that I am here for my subjects.

I try to inform him that next time he should abide by the laws, and pay his taxes.

He said something about how Kings need money and he understands how amazing I am and why I had to punish him. I was glad he understood he deserved to be punished.

And to those of you on Atlantic, GET BETTER NAMES!

Or else…..

-Evil Lord SMuRFY
The King of Thieves

P.S. Oh, and next time Pay Your Taxes.

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