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Episode 0258: Your Rent Is Past Due

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Zemus and others had been broken. More would have to follow. My reign as the King of Thieves MUST be secure.

I will not tolerate any other result than an eternal reign as the King of Thieves…

Henceforth, Anyone found dodging their taxes will be punished.

It was with this thought in mind, and after the recent submission of “Zemus,” Ugh… What a name…, that I visited his neighbor Miriam.

Miriam was new to these parts but the home she lived in had never been occupied by a proper renter. The rent was PAST DUE. ::grinds teeth::

Such an affront will not be tolerated….


A writ of lease… Anyone that keeps a copy of their lease on a sheet of solid gold has to be a tax evader…

Such extravagance taunts me, and I will not be taunted.

I think I’ll say Hello to this fiend….

A polite demand from a criminal? Surely this is in jest… What kind of ruler would I be if I allowed criminals to prosper?

I think I’ll keep it for now… ::wink::

Taxation is not fair? And I suppose the protection I provide you with isn’t fair either, right?

I say that writ was on the ground… You claim that the steps of your home is not the ground?

How could your steps not be part of the ground when in the rest of the ground walking world they are?

Are they magic steps?

Did you get these steps from the same guy that sold jack his beanstalk beans?

I digress…

I think you might win this argument… Except I have photographic evidence in the first picture of you releasing the item…

And now you’re changing your argument to one of policy… I fully disagree with this argument. I should, can and DID collect your rent from the ground in front of your house. And as I have proof of what happened, in the court of the King, I find you guilty of lying too…

Are you telling me you paid real life money for this and other items? I’m sorry but I play a great game called Ultima Online. In that great game, none of the pixels cost me any real life money.

Can you explain to me how items in a game are costing YOU real life money? I don’t understand why the makers of this game would charge you more than anyone else…

Are you Donna? I see Miriam but you claim to be two people now? Miss, Are you aware that lying to the King is tantamount to treason?

Oh yes… Flaunting your refusal to pay taxes and rents is such a community service…
Next, you’ll claim that by not paying taxes and rents, you are doing your neighbors a favor…

Oh and Miriam… It’s “You’re” not “Your,” please try to speak clearly to the King… You’re addressing royalty….See how I did that?
I use the correct words when speaking. Doesn’t that make it easier to understand what I say?

1) Kings do not pay taxes…
2) I tax criminals and sell their belongings to fund the various services I provide you in this kingdom…

This lady goes on to insult me and accuse me in ways that are not appropriate here.
I’ll skip over that misbehavior…

-Evil Lord SMuRFY
The King of Thieves

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