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Episode 0245: The Perfect Theft Goes Totally Wrong...




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Tonightís Prediction

Tonight, I am stealing an event item. Tonight, I am going to prove you donít need to hide or stealth to be a great thief. Sometimes, the best disguise is blending in.

I shall take on the appearance of El DaNgel, Lord of Cow Town, and a person everyone knows is NOT a thief. Unfortunately for everyone, tonight he is me, and I am damn good thief.

I am a damn good thief. Some call me the Babe Ruth of Theft.

Letís face it modesty isnít my strong point and Iím not afraid to admit that I am the King of Thieves. I have no rivals. I have decided to begin chronicling this theft BEFORE I do it. Consider this me pointing into the stands calling my shots before I hit them.

What Actually Happened

I decided to be extra careful tonight since I wonít have my usual evasive abilities. Iíve prepared two tactics. Iíve brought my invisibility ring and a decoy thief.

The night began with a general warning about thieves attempting to steal from EM Helios. He then glanced at me.

I, of course, snooped EM Helios and found....

Insured, Blessed, Garbage, Boring, Insured, Blessed, Heavy, Garbage....

FEH!!! Nothing....

I, of course, snooped EM Ikaris and found....

Insured, Blessed, Garbage, Boring, Insured, Blessed, Heavy, Garbage....

FEH!!! Nothing....

So I settled in for the Cow fights.... I kept a cow in the fight to ensure I would be in the winners circle later on to help myself...

Blah blah boring event stuff took place....

I placed 3rd.

Lord Seledor Placed 2nd

Alice Wonderland Placed 1st

And then awards time.

OOC: Now, I was being good taking screenshots but as I will explain, I basically got pretty pissed after completing my steal and just gave up, thinking the steal no longer counted.

Let me recount the events.

I robbed the mark of an event item called a cow pie, of a unique hue.

I immediately sent it to bank with a bag of sending however I went gray in front of a rather larger audience that was very displeased.

Everyone saw me gray and myself and the other members of the top 3 were teleported into the blackness outside the bounds of the normal world. We were given bland trophies of granite with inscriptions and the 1st place winner was given a cow pie AGAIN.

What follows next is why i didnít save all the screen shots. We were given generic engraved statues. EM Helios teleported us back into the ring. Some upset bystanders killed the diversion character, which I used for ::shock:: a diversion. I insisted the thief was that character because frankly, I didnít care if it died, two thieves is too hard to control anyway.

Some guy attacks El DaNgel, I produced a reminder that though a thief, I was still on a tamer mage and killed him with a super dragon in self defense.

I checked the bank and it wasnít there. I searched it several times to confirm. EM Helios had apparently removed the item from my bank box despite having completed a legitimate and righteous steal in Felucca.

EM Helios dodged me and I was forced to seek a higher power.


In Character: Frustrated and beaten, I went to my last resort. Summon the Dark Lady. As I began to cast this lengthy spell, I knew it was my only chance. The Dark Lady could over power EM Helios and she is friends to those of us in the brotherhood of the sticky fingers...

ďIn Vas Mesanna Please Help Corp Por In LorĒ

The Omnipotent Dark Lady Mesanna appeared from the abyss and explained the events of the evening.

EM Helios did not and could not remove an item from my bank box.

EM Helios could and DID delete the item by its ID thereby removing it from my possession.

The Dark Lady expressed her admiration for this brother of the sticky fingers and showed favor upon the Lord of Cow Town.

Fire rained from the skies and smoke flashed around us.

"Look into your pack"

The cow pie returned to its true owner, The King of Thieves.

This is the story of my excellent theft gone totally wrong. For those of you who might wish to follow in my foot steps, remember, even the best plans may go awry.

Evil Lord SMuRFYís current score on Legends: 3 EM Event items stolen. 2 from players, 1 from the Infamous EM Helios.

Note: Afterwards, 1st and 2nd place expressed their amazement at how fast I was able to steal the pie. Their admiration of my skills was totally warranted. Lets be honest, I love fans and I love praise, so I sold their guild a castle in Cow Town on legends.

Welcome to Cow Town. Pay Your Taxes




-Evil Lord SMuRFY,
The Last GOR Thief


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