It was one o’clock AM, Eastern Standard Time, when I began my patrol of Europa – six o’clock AM in Britain. I anticipated a slow night, but with Tony Emerald returning to Europa, I figured I could use the time to mark some runes to various points of interest. However, on the slight chance that some form of life was stirring, I decided to make a stop by the Yew gate. Looking back, I am glad that I did.
The moment I stepped out of the gate, a red called “me” rushed past me at full tilt, following closely by a blue called “Dread Heart.” I had once managed to lift a 115 evaluating intelligence scroll from Dread Heart, so I decided to try my luck again.
Nothing interesting in Dread Heart’s backpack. Perhaps her friend would carry something worthwhile. *Pop.*
Ah, ha! It seemed Lady Luck was winking at me tonight, and she offered me a Blaze of Death and a Vermin Slayer talisman.
As I moved into position, the fighting suddenly came to a stand-still. Hmm, these two must be friends, I considered. Better be careful – if I go grey, I’ll have two pursuers.
Suddenly, to my great delight, me began un-equipping his armor – his uninsured armor. Oh, happy day! Imbued legs? Yoink. Rune Beetle Carapace? Yoink. When it became clear that he would not be removing anymore of his armor, I targeted the Blaze of Death. Sadly, I failed to notice that the item weighed 16 stones.Not only did I fail to steal the item, my attempt revealed my presence. Does the story end there? Certainly not! Fortunately, I am unusually bright, not to mention a divinely gifted speaker. Rather than run away in shame and disgrace, I decided to smooth-talk my way to riches. Noticing a sword in his backpack crafted by Atlantic’s legendary crafter, Lord SupSoc Inc, I struck up a conversation about me’s transfer from Atlantic. All the while, I snooped around in his pack.
What’s this? A pixie swatter? Don’t mind if I do.
At this point, me noticed his missing armor. “It’s almost Christmas,” he pleaded, “can’t I have my stuff back?” Being the reasonable, Christmas-loving thief that I am, I decided to bargain with him.
Apparently me had not discovered the missing pixie swatter, because he only asked for the legs and the carapace.
Hmm, what to charge him?
He attempted to haggle the price down; I began to grow bored with the sound of his voice. For kicks, I decided to go ahead and liberate his Vermin Slayer. Might prove handy in Despise, I guessed.
Once a price was agreed upon, we made our way to the bank. As we walked, neither me nor Dread Heart attempted to attack me. Hmm, perhaps they guessed that I had insured the items and would not return them without proper payment. They guessed right.
He first handed me the book. Addressed to me? How thoughtful. One million gold? Not much, but I still walked away with a pixie swatter and vermin slayer – besides, I demonstrated my Christmas spirit.
All in a day’s work.
-Locke Smythe