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It was one o’clock AM, Eastern Standard Time, when I began my patrol of Europa – six o’clock AM in Britain. I anticipated a slow night, but with Tony Emerald returning to Europa, I figured I could use the time to mark some runes to various points of interest. However, on the slight chance that some form of life was stirring, I decided to make a stop by the Yew gate. Looking back, I am glad that I did.
The moment I stepped out of the gate, a red called “me” rushed past me at full tilt, following closely by a blue called “Dread Heart.” I had once managed to lift a 115 evaluating intelligence scroll from Dread Heart, so I decided to try my luck again.
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Nothing interesting in Dread Heart’s backpack. Perhaps her friend would carry something worthwhile. *Pop.*
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Ah, ha! It seemed Lady Luck was winking at me tonight, and she offered me a Blaze of Death and a Vermin Slayer talisman.
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As I moved into position, the fighting suddenly came to a stand-still. Hmm, these two must be friends, I considered. Better be careful – if I go grey, I’ll have two pursuers.
Suddenly, to my great delight, me began un-equipping his armor – his uninsured armor. Oh, happy day! Imbued legs? Yoink. Rune Beetle Carapace? Yoink. When it became clear that he would not be removing anymore of his armor, I targeted the Blaze of Death. Sadly, I failed to notice that the item weighed 16 stones.Not only did I fail to steal the item, my attempt revealed my presence. Does the story end there? Certainly not! Fortunately, I am unusually bright, not to mention a divinely gifted speaker. Rather than run away in shame and disgrace, I decided to smooth-talk my way to riches. Noticing a sword in his backpack crafted by Atlantic’s legendary crafter, Lord SupSoc Inc, I struck up a conversation about me’s transfer from Atlantic. All the while, I snooped around in his pack.
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What’s this? A pixie swatter? Don’t mind if I do.
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At this point, me noticed his missing armor. “It’s almost Christmas,” he pleaded, “can’t I have my stuff back?” Being the reasonable, Christmas-loving thief that I am, I decided to bargain with him.
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Apparently me had not discovered the missing pixie swatter, because he only asked for the legs and the carapace.
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Hmm, what to charge him?
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He attempted to haggle the price down; I began to grow bored with the sound of his voice. For kicks, I decided to go ahead and liberate his Vermin Slayer. Might prove handy in Despise, I guessed.
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Once a price was agreed upon, we made our way to the bank. As we walked, neither me nor Dread Heart attempted to attack me. Hmm, perhaps they guessed that I had insured the items and would not return them without proper payment. They guessed right.
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He first handed me the book. Addressed to me? How thoughtful. One million gold? Not much, but I still walked away with a pixie swatter and vermin slayer – besides, I demonstrated my Christmas spirit.
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All in a day’s work.
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-Locke Smythe
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