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Episode 0099: Here's where it all begins...(One-eyed Jacks initiation)

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Oh to be a new thief born unto the lands of Siege. The excitement, the intrigue, the murder, the romance! Delicious… every moment…

My adventure begins with a simple decision. It was time. As any aspiring siege thief should, I set out to find the infamous gang of thief’s lead by the notorious Chad Sexington. I would try to throw my lot in with these rouges; see if they’d have me. I must walk among the best.

I accepted Chad’s invitation heartily and wiped a misty tear from my eye.

“Guild title?” he asked.

“Do I choose?”

“Ya, or the first thing anyone yells out.”

“Give it to me” I respond. I was excited to see what they would choose. I’d seen some of the colorful and creative titles given to other aspiring ‘wanna-be’ thieves...

...And there it was, ‘give it to me’ on my guild page. I guess that’s sexy enough?

Looks like I’ll have to earn another name for myself.

(On a side note, this putrid yellow ‘guild uniform’ smells like hot rotting garbage. When was the last time this thing was washed? Worse, who last wore it? When I’m promoted, this thing must be burned without prejudice!)

Lately, I’ve had a taste for battle stealing. I don’t know why, but the thrill of pulling off a theft during a heated PvP battle turns me on (for now). And where better to look then everyone’s favorite house battling spot? Luna of course.

Enter Nixon and friends battling other irrelevant opposing forces out side the Luna walls. I snoop and snoop and snoop. Not much unfortunately. Wouldn’t PvP be much more exciting if you carried high priced valuables? What if you only fought others who held the same high moral standard and also joined your crusade? What a world Siege could become. Yet... I digress.

Wait… what’s this in Nixon’s pack?

A thief’s ring. Not a great ring mind you… well, not even a good ring. Therefore it must have belonged to new and lowly thief, someone just trying to make their honest way in this corrupted and tortured world.

Nixon you ignorant bastard. First you let down the American republic with your scandalizing shenanigans and now I find you here, in the lands of Siege, praying on meek and innocent thief’s! Your deeds will not go unpunished…

Victory I proclaim! Another personage of no great importance gives chase but they are far to slow. That’s one for the little guy. Beware ex-presidents!

Satiated for a moment, I decide to make a quick drop into the city of Umbra. I’d seen a few crafters there before, maybe I’d catch one sleeping.


Oh well, maybe I’ll try… wait what’s this? Who’s this person Scott loitering behind this building. Didn’t they see the sign? Loitering is clearly illegal within the walls of Umbra. Again, another offender in need of a lesson…

And that’s all you have! They I’ll have your life! Wait Jack, let’s not get over excited. He could be new around here and not familiar with local customs and regulations. A lost dagger it will have to be.

I almost feel bad doing it, almost. Yet rules are rules and they must be obeyed! Yet there was hardly any excitement in it. I can't try to count this for my second theft in guild initiation!

Back to Luna for some more action…

I find myself in front of the TnT house. There’s always action there. People must really hate those TnT folks. Myself, I find them quite delightful, as the usually draw a crowd. Don’t remember most of the names I saw there, and does it really matter? Faceless marks.

More snooping ensues. And I find crap. That’s it, I’m starting a new account and creating a PvPer to lead the charge in recruiting other PvPers to alwayse carry grand amounts of treasure to create real risk of loss and gain in battle! Huzzaw! (Or whatever they say) Anyway…

I guess I'll go for a toy I haven't really played with yet...

Yay! A stick I blow through and it makes people sick. Well HaHa, it will have to do.

Maybe I can use it to harass someone and further sow the seeds of chaos and depravity in this cute and cuddly world. Oh what fun I will have. I’m sure HaHa would be glad to know that his item was going to such good uses. Maybe I’ll blow him a poisoned kiss with it the next time we meet. Till then…

-One-eyed Jack

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