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Episode 0062: Free Stuff?

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'Whatís Wrong Boy?' Says the strange attractive lady

I Try to tell her Timmyís Stuck down the well, I swear I try, I bark at her! I whine at her!

I Start running towards the well with her following me constantly asking 'what's wrong boy?'

*This bitch is getting on my nerves*

We get to the well and we hear Timmyís cries for help, the strange bitch drops to her knees calling down to him!

Nowís my chance.......

As i reach out to help her see Timmy close up and personal a red murderer rides out of the wood and hits me with a moving sho......

*slowly opens one eye*


Fine i can cope with sleeping in wolf form! Indeed the local whores like to stroke my fur while they recover from our ferocious love making, but Iím not prepared to be dreaming like a damn animal!

*What was I dreaming about?*

Something about Timmyís mother and plunging into a deep hole........

Bah ill think on later, for now the only gap Iím concerned with filling is the one on my wall where that ever elusive Dragon's head should be!!!

Wonder what kind of day this is going to be......


As I slowly rise from my bed and make my way to the door I realise something isnít right......

*Changes back to human form*

With one hand pulling the underwear from my buttcrack and the other on the door handle another strange thing happens....

I canít get out!

The EA gods have locked me away from the world! Could this be it.... could my greatness have sent the gods jealous streaks soaring? maybe they thought it merciful just to lock me away and leave me alive, but I suspect they were laughing at the fact I was locked away from all the women folk with nothing to entertain me but my slightly soiled underwear and a bed sheet so stiff it would shatter if hit with a toffee hammer!

OOO the humanity! OOOO the cruelty!

I sit and ponder just how I would add to my adventures within this little room.....

Maybe I could steal a log from the fire and claim it a victory that I only burned one hand......

Or I could.....

'The Window!' i startle myself with my brilliance! How could I have not though of this before, I shall jump to freedom! all the 30 feet to the ground.... with nothing to break my fell but a rock and a few trees.......



The door is unlocked....

The gods have realised how pathetic and uneventful their lives would be without me! They love me! They really love me!


As I step outside the door my heart sinks..... I see changes..... I see an Updated world!

So they donít love me...... They were just updating the world........



Were they preparing it for my greatness???

I fear they will never tell.


Free at last I head to fel and walk peacefully round enjoying the world, strange not many people about yet....

I head to an old favourite of mine, to say hello to some brigands i met in the pub last week....

*Pisses Self*

And all my competition dead??!!

I rummage! I Recall like Iíve never recalled before!

I stuff chests into every orifice I can bare, someone would come to claim this ground soon and swat me! I had to work fast!

I sweat and work like a dog, I donít have time to check my loot as I move fast, I get everything I can see of value and even some of the full chests just in case. I fill up my bank quickly and start taking things home!

......BYC Appears and spoil my looting with a quick Earth Quake and Pain spike combo.

'HA! The jokes on you! This idoc has been cleaned! I even took the gum under the Tables!' I scream at them before I realise they don't speak OoooOO......

I call on the gods to get me back to Brit bank! I feel the need to check my loot.....

A Pair on Inquiz! 26mil in checks! Two boxes full of Ps's and much much much more!

The big score!

I leave the big sellable items in my bank and do what I do best with the 105's and 110's....

Iím getting close to that Dragons head! I could feel it! All the hard work I have done! All the steals and attempts on my poor life!

As I check my points and pat myself on the back i realise something Fatal, it hits me in the stomach like a guards halbard.....

Somethingís missing, somethingís wrong...AGAIN.... gah!

*I Sit and ponder upon the new problem, it doesnít take long for it to sink in*

'It was just too easy' I mutter to myself

And I was right!

There was no glory in what happened, profit indeed! But no glory...

*Weighs up priorities*

Glory over the Dragons head!

I head out in search for that ever old friend Adrenaline!

And hit pay dirt!

Mortal Kombat


Perfect Victory!

I start feeling that familiar fire burning inside my veins! This is Glory! This is excitement!

Pay dirt again!

I find a filthy Yew Gater talking of his night with his half-sister!

I Have the Glory! And Iím creeping ever closer to that target!

Today I feel likes Iíve won! Today I feel untouchable!

Todayís results -

Pair of Inquiz, tonnes of mills of gold in items to sell, 26mil in a bag, a nice pitchfork and tonnes of points...

Tony Emerald 1 - EA Gods 999,999

Iím Catching Up!

Time for a Huzzah!??!!

Not this time...... thereís more work to be done.....

-Tony Emerald

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