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Episode 0057: Part #2 - The First Weekend - Revenge Is painfully Sweet

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Hail and Welcome!

As I was walking the long road from Brit to the Moongate last night I noticed a poor blind man staggering head down swinging a cane in front of him!

I took pity on the man and decided only to steal his robe rather than his life, but as I slipped my hand into his pack he bats it away, grabs my Kyrss and runs laughing in the direction I was coming from!!!


I tracked him down sitting behind Brit stables blindly fingering the kyrss and giggling to himself, I carefully stealth up to him, put my fingers in his ears and kick him in the Nuts. Blind deaf and crippled as any man would be he drops the Kyrss and curls into a ball.

I SHOULD have killed him, I SHOULD have robbed him, I SHOULD have taught him not to mess with me.....

But damn this manís hands were fast!! I swear he could steal someoneís liver if they didnít clench their butt in time!

So instead of taking my revenge I figured it'd be safer for me to have him help me.

So please welcome the newest member and Emmy of THIEF Atlantic!!

ĎI Gotza Friend!í *dances madly while emptying a bottle of scotch over his head*

*crazy bastards*

On with the story!!!

I woke up this morning with the taste of crotch and lube in my mouth.

'Surely I didnít sleep wolf form again......' I ponder as I look over at the crude tavern maid I brought home from Bucs Den last night.

*Christ I hate the morning after, what the hell was I thinking laying with this bear of a woman, sheís got hair on her chest for godís sake....*

'I Ban Thee'

*good riddance*


After a quick dip off the coast in front of my house I Strap on my ninja/chastity belt and head to Fel Yew.

*Please let me wake up to a dragís head rather then that whore again*

I Arrive at Fel and find some lousy fool sitting on top of me!

*Prods Horse With Warfork*

Both asleep

*peeks pack*

Nothing, check the rest of the newbi looking crowd to find blessed and insured everything....

Even the pretty pink pants Stully had on, I would have investigated further but thought of the hairy womanbeast I woke up with have killed my appetite for the unfairer sex this day.

Having found nothing at the gate I head for Despise, the realm of the ever tortured Barraccon, how I yearn to defend him! How I wish death upon the bullies who torment him with their Million gp weapons and 5000% SDi'd Flamestrikes!

*Huttbutts Barracoon for being a sissy*

When I arrive I find a Tamer, an Archer and a protector Mage hammering at Barracoon, what I mean by hammering him is getting slaughtered by him. I have never seen anyone worse at killing this thing Iím my whole UO life, even their Rune Beetle died 4 times while I watched.

'Please let them kill him, please let me get the easy meat for once!' my voice screams towards to Gods!

To no avail!

*please welcome in the Red corner...... BBUUURRRNNNING STAR IV*

*crowd boos and throws bags of undisclosed brown goo at Burning Star IV*

*Prepares To Die*

Yum Yum and Burning Star plow though the blue mess attacking Barracoon ending their pathetic lives and my hopes of getting a free meal ticketÖÖ

*Dies a little inside*

However the blue flop squad were not out yet and fought back with all their might, the battles went back and forth! Watch!


*forth* see?

Yum Yum and a few red friends proceed to slaughter Barracoon! and I head to the star room for a remote chance of getting a scroll!

*Deletes pictures of what happens next*

I donít want to upset anyone by making them watch a poor thief take a PS and proceed to be unmercifully slaughtered for doing his job.

*A Sad day indeed*

'So this is it... This is what Iíve become? A sad Thief whoís hands are too tired to steal a 1 stone scroll without getting a mace in the back on the head?! Is that what the gods had built me up for?'

'WELL SCREW YOU!' I scream at the heavens

*Gives the Gods the Bird*

Running to the Moongate and sweet resurrection in IIsh spirit I vow I will have my revenge!

Gate Searching time!

And who do I find but Yum Yum!

*Sneaks close*

*pops Pack*

*reaches in*


*Deletes pictures*

You donít need to see that, no one would be interested in the limp body of a poor thief leaking all kinds of bodily liquids......

*clears throat*

*iish spirit*

'Screw you gods' I whisper and I trot passed the amused smiles on their faces

Back to Yew Good as new!

Yum Yum waiting for me again!

Surely I shouldn't be stupid enough to try again?

'what if I fail, the gods will stake me out in the sun and take their pleasures out on my innocent little body' I whimper

*canít be any worse then what I did last night could it?*

*Donít be stupid! This man will track you down and slaughter you, he'll find you as easy as a drunk Barmaid!* a voice cries in my head!

*Cringes at memories I wish would die soon*

Do I take his advice or do I go for it? Thatís a hard choice!

Screw it I need that Dragon's Head!


Tired, Dirty and Feeling slightly Violated by life, The WomanBeast and Yum Yum....

*Could the woman beast be his sister? is that why he hates me?*

......I Collapse into my throne and drift off into a fitful dream of my Para dragon trophy coming alive and eating Yummy si....sters...and...powe.......


*Wolf Form*

-Tony Emerald

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