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Episode 0045: Sedric the Ogre Lover

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Hail friends,

Today I awakened to a beautiful morning. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the innkeeper was... Well, doing her job.

"You must pay today! I hardly see you. You are always coming in and out of here at odd hours of the night, doing god knows what! I cannot afford too keep that room reserved if I am never to receive pay!" she says.

"Of course you are to receive pay! How much is it I owe you?" I retort.

"Have not paid for thirty four days, 408 gold pieces!" she snaps.

"You are charging me for the days I was not even here? Thats Robbery! I have a mind to report you to the Britannian Better Business Bureau!" I jokingly say.

*her face contorts and her butt hole clenches*

"You are being charged for EACH night the room is RESERVED!" she yells
"Do not try to swindle me thief!"

"Uhh, I was just joking" I say "Heres your money" I throw her a bag of coins i roughly estimate to be about 500.

"You can keep the change" I say as i quickly walk out the door.

I stock up on recall reagents and begin my rounds.

*hmm, nobody here*


*no one here either*


*I need some better marks*


*Inspects packs at yew gate*


*Heads to Heartwood*

When I stepped through the portal into the land of elves i was handed an ale and told to have as many as i liked.

*I'm sure they would like that, then they could have their way with me when I'm passed out*

"Whats going on?" I ask the elf who handed me the brew.

"We met our ash dildo quota! Now we get to party!" he responds.

I set the ale down and decide to keep my wits about me as i enter the crowd of very short elves. Many had already had too much to drink.

With his head high above the elves around him, I spot another man of human decent enjoying the festivities.

Could this be the craftsman who met the quota?

I move in for a closer look



Within his pack i find various junk. Nothing really worth risking a guard whack.

But whats this?


Slightly used.

I forget to insure my tools and attempt to steal a crossbow from his pack.


*Oh well, he is surely too drunk to have noticed that.* I think to my self as I convince the town healer to resurrect me.

Returning to my body I find nothing on the corpse and am forced to steal my fletcher's tools once again.

Without even equipping any of my items, I make a perfect steal.

I down a few drinks and leave for the bank where I stash my loot.


Feeling adventurous I decide to take a trip to despise. Greeted by a small contingent of XV's warriors I take position on the island.

Barracoon is quick to show his self and I begin to move into position.

After much waiting, Barracoon is red lined and i jump next to Aaron ready to steal anything he gets.

He receives nothing but 110s. Spotting a 110 tactics, I decide to claim my scroll.

I bank my steal and take a short siesta.


Returning to Despise I find i am just too late.

Filling her pockets with gold, Astrid Nightwind carries two 110s.

I quietly reach my hand into her pack. Fumbling with her tampons I finally grasp my scroll.

Removing it quickly, I dash into the star room and hide my self well.

Where are the 120s I seek?

Nothing but 110s for me.

-Jose Muerto

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