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Episode 0042: The Rules of Aquisition

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The Rules of Aquisition

The true rules of the scoundrel, the thief, and the looter.
  • Once you have their money...you never give it back.
  • Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
  • Greed is eternal
  • Anything worth selling is worth selling twice
  • Anything worth doing is worth doing for money
  • Anything stolen is pure profit
  • Acting stupid is often smart
  • A deal is a deal...until a better one comes along
  • A bargain usually isn't
  • Satisfaction is not guaranteed
  • Never place friendship above profit
  • There's always a way out
  • There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman
  • War is good for business
  • Peace is good for business
  • Friendship is temporary; profit is forever
  • Profit is its own reward
  • What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too
  • Make your shop easy to find
  • The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife
  • Never ask when you can take
  • Free advice is seldom cheap
  • Keep your lies consistent
  • Never buy what can be stolen
  • The riskier the road, the greater the profit
  • Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise
  • There's a customer born every minute
  • Never trust your customers
  • Every once in a while declare peace--it confuses the hell out of your enemies
  • It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit
  • The flimsier the product, the higher the price
  • A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount
  • A friend in need means three times the profit
  • Ask not what your profits can do for you, but ask what you can do for your profits
  • Enough ... is never enough
  • If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much
  • Sleep can interfere with opportunity
  • Faith moves mountains ... of inventory
  • Don't trust anyone who trusts you
  • A warranty is valid only if they can find you
  • Treat people in your debt like family ... exploit them
  • There's always a catch.
  • Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides
  • There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket
  • A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know
  • Know your enemies ... but do business with them always
  • A fool and his money is the best customer
  • Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money
  • The justification of profit is profit
  • Never be afraid to mistag a product
  • Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit?
  • A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on
  • The customer is always right ...until you get their cash
  • When in doubt, lie
  • No good deed ever goes unpunished
  • When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up. (The unwritten rule)
  • Exploitation begins at home.
  • When opprotunity knocks, charge it admission!
  • If a sign says "buy one, get one free" only get the free one.
  • All these rules apply to other people--not you.


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