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There comes a time when every thief hits the wall… I hit my wall… I found a mark that I could not rob…I knew from the start she would not be an ordinary mark… She was the Dark Lady… Her power was allegedly unrivaled…
But I am the King of Thieves… I’ve never met a mark I couldn’t rob…
She saw me coming even as I approached her stealthily in a dog costume… It was as though her eyes saw more than those of a normal person…
I felt naked in her sight! I had a flashback to a horrible time.
**********FLASHBACK**********
This invisible robe I bought is naught but a farce!
**********/FLASHBACK**********
I am Evil Lord SMuRFY, I have robbed people without my powers of stealth and disguise, I need the not.
I attempted to snoop her and failed dismally…
I tried again with the same shockingly offensive result…
I failed to snoop her? How? Why?
::Panic Strikes::
I can’t fail… I still have one more option, a random steal… I will try and take ANYTHING I can from my mark…
I must succeed… Am I not the King of Thieves? What would people say if they knew I could fail?
::Nervously Looks Around::
Can a King be allowed to fail?
I make my attempt…Wait what? Failed? How could I have failed?
The world collapsed around me…
But even as she dismissively walked from me, I attempted to maintain my usual bravado, careful not to let on the damage that was taking place to my mighty ego..
How could I have failed?!?!?!?
My heart raced and my head throbbed… If people see that I can be bested, my reign could be challenged… Perhaps I could even be overthrown…
I am forced to acknowledge the power of the Dark Lady but pray that nobody realizes that I have finally been bested… Braggadocio is my only remaining shield from this complete humiliation…
I knew I was somehow less than I’d felt just moments before…It had to work… It took all I had not to run away in shame…
I departed for the nearest pub to drink my sorrows away…
I stumbled into and encountered two fine wenches at the Modest Damsel Tavern.
An ironic name when I reflect on the less than modest nature of Elaine and Rica…Rica the Tavern Wench served me ale after ale and slowly re-inflated my ego to its usual massive size with the glorious powers of alcohol…
Elaine massaged my shoulders while whispering to me of her admiration of my tremendous skills as a thief.
Rica and Elaine’s loose morals, soft hands, and admiring eyes reminded me of something I had almost forgotten… I am Evil Lord SMuRFY, The King of Thieves, and all I required was another great steal to remind the common rubbish of the realm of my greatness and endless talents…
Perhaps it could be said that my bravado stole Mesanna’s heart?
Yes, I Stole Mesanna’s Heart and as such I am still the best! I am the King of Thieves and she was just another mark!
Not convinced I actually stole anything hmmm? That’s Okay, Neither was I… I’ll show you what I actually stole to get my mojo back
After my horrible realization that I could not rob Mesanna, I limped back to Luna in search of easier prey. Fate may have made a mockery of my attempt to steal from the Dark Lady but I was still the King of Thieves and fate’s instrument of justice…
I immediately spied Bruce Weed of [CD] with 20 Essence of Dilligence in his pack. I knew immediately what must be done….
::YOINK!::I spied 20 faery dust on his person as well… Although he is spamming for help from the town guards, I decide I’ll tax him anyway.
::YOINK!::
I note that this is the 5th time I’ve collected taxes from Bruce Weed and he still doesn’t understand that the town guards work for me. His tax money may go to pay their salaries but ultimately, I sign the checks.
Bruce, have you learned anything about voluntarily paying your taxes or am I going to have to keep doing this to you?
Next Time, Pay Your Taxes before I see you.
-Evil Lord SMuRFY,
Still The King of Thieves and Mayor of Barter Town
P.S. Mesanna can not be stolen from, it’s impossible. If you haven’t guessed, the purpose of this adventure was to determine once and for all whether it could be done.
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