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Episode 0153: Sweeney, Barter Town Ranger




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In the eyes of a ranger,
The unsuspecting stranger,
Had better know the truth of wrong from right,

'Cause the eyes of a ranger are upon you,
Any wrong you do, he's gonna see,

When you're in Barter Town, look behind you,
'Cause that's where the rangers gonna be.



I had just started a day of training with my trusty pack mule when a shady character came to town.

I had a hunch that I should follow this miscreant. He had the look of a criminal.

I'm never wrong.

Now we here in Barter Town don't tolerate that kind of behavior. Tax evasion is a major crime and I intended to arrest this man without incident. He had other plans.

Sweeney, Barter Town Ranger: I'm afraid your under arrest.
Chase: Oh yeah? You and what army?
Sweeney, Barter Town Ranger: I don't need an army.

Chase rushed me with the worst punch ever. Restraining him would not do, I had to put him down.

They never learn.

Something told me Chase was involved in a massive ore-smuggling operation. Without telling my superiors anything, I decided to go on a sting operation at the mine.

My native tracking skills never fail.

Enervate was the biggest ore-smuggler this side of Barter Town. I should have known Chase was just a patsy; in fact I did know all along.

Sweeney, Barter Town Ranger: Come out with your hands up. You're under arrest.
Enervate: Oh yeah? You and what army?
Sweeney, Barter Town Ranger: I don't need an army.

He ducked into the shadows but I could smell his fear.

He ran across the border when I was teaching local children how to defend themselves.

Too bad for him, the rangers of Barter Town don't respect anyone elses borders.

He didn't move but I was threatened enough to decide he couldn't be arrested, he had to be put down.

I left him a note.

And I confiscated his goods. Ore just like I knew, and a peculiar piece of armor.

Pretty lady standing nearby: Those gloves are so exceptional!
Sweeney, Barter Town Ranger: There are no exceptionals to the rules of Barter Town.

I went back to the mines and placed a warning.

I went to sleep knowing Barter Town was safe another day.

The next morning I could smell someone violating the law. I knew where to go, I always know where to go.

This criminal was back to his old games.

Sweeney, Barter Town Ranger: Enervate, this is Sweeney. Didn't I warn you this mine was protected?
Enervate: I'm sorry Ranger. I give up.. in your dreams!
Sweeney, Barter Town Ranger: Dreams come true.

Enervate runs across the border once again thinking this could stop me. The only way to stop this criminal enterprise was to put him down.

*whack*
*whack*
*whack*

I return to the scene of the crime and lay down the law.

Minutes later while congratulating myself, someone else came storming into the mines. Enervate's boss no doubt, the true criminal mastermind behind this operation.




-Sweeney

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