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Episode 0101: One-eyed Jack Strikes Back

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Ello’ again kids. Our tale tonight begins with a fledgling thief just trying to earn an honest name for himself. Legions of nay-sayers and enemies appear at every turn, but this diligent thief would not be deterred. Yet wherever Jacks one eye spies, the party seems to have already ended…

Now who, honestly, can afford to leave hundreds of thousand’s of gold pieces decaying on the ground. Well, lots of people, but not Jack! I’ll have to confiscate this in the name of the greater good. But that wouldn’t be enough. These greed mongers of mockery must be made to pay. Mocking Jack’s poor pockets and taunting him with thoughts of the greater treasure they had made off with! It’s off to Luna, the grand lands of guaranteed opportunity.

And I find it…

A casting bracelet of a strange hue. Could that be evil-dyed? I must have it! In the name of my personal vengeance against those I perceive to have more wealth than I do. (Everyone)

I strike… And I run…

Take that capitalist machine!

That’s evil dyed right? That makes it worth a bit more, yes?

The battle was won but the war was far from over…

Now who’s this doing a bit of shopping from within the guard zone?

A pox on you Czarina. Who can afford to leave a ‘voice of the fallen king’ lying carelessly in their pack? Again, how you mock me! Well if you don’t care about it, then I shall give it a proper home.

'There, there new found toy', I wisper to the little gorget artifact. I know you miss your mother, but I shall give you a proper new home… to the highest bidder.

Feeling as though I had done my own small part in the war against capitalist gluttony, it all still seemed a bit too easy. We must take this battle to the far corners of the realm! Off for more game…

Now who do I spy but the epitome to gluttonous greed, the very pillar of oppression and grief! A muscle-bound greater dragon led by a legendary tamer with the name of QueenK.

I like these odds. A monster capable of toasting my corpse with one breath. Blocking my escape route were a legion of One-eyed-jack-hating pixies and dark wisps. And the item I wanted from her pack was a marginally sexy leafblade with a weight of 8 stones, a hard push for my skill. Yet we must try. The message must be sent…

I grab…I run… Pixies all around screech my name in hatred. I feel the hot flames of the dragon’s breath on my backside. For a moment, all seems lost…

Then pop goes Jack on the other side of the portal; scorched, yet safe…

I spit on you capitalist machine of oppression, you will tumble into chaos and anarchy! This war is far from over!

-One-eyed Jack

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