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Epilogue 301: "A Llama Saved My Life" (Part 1 of 2)

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Hail friends,

Nearly a year after calling it quits, I got the urge to dabbled on Atlantic just to see what production shards were like these days. Randomly popping in one day (with my shiney new virtue armor and throwaway guild title), I spot a funny looking gate at the Luna Bank. And on the other side of that gate was... an Atlantic EM Event! It turns out that for the next few days, the "Atlantic Llama Festival" was going to be taking place. During this time there would be a series of events and tonight just happened to be the Story Telling Event. (Ah, something I might actually be good at...?) With 3 llama statues (bronze, silver, and gold) sitting on pedestals, I decide to wait around and enter the competition. This would all be taking place in Trammel and I didn't have any skills in stealing, so it would all have to be fair and square. The hours pass leading up to the event and a crowd of about 50 spectators gathers. There was no telling how many of them were going to participate. Unfortunately for them all, I've been telling UO related stories for half a decade.

(They didn't stand a chance.)

The rules were simple: People would take turns on stage and be given a bag. They would then have 3 minutes to tell a story. Each bag would contain 2 items and each story must use each of those 2 items. After everyone had their turn, a panel of 3 judges would decide who the 3 winners would be.

And after sitting around for nearly 2 hours, listening to other people's stories, my name is finally called. From memory, my story went a little like this:

A Llama Saved My Life
A story of bravery, romance, betrayal, heartbreak, and survival.
by Chad Sexington

It was a dark and stormy night. *waves hands around mysteriously* The wind was howling and the thunder was cracking. Something was in the air and I should have seen it coming. Why, OH WHY didn’t I see it coming. So there I was having dinner with my wife, Mrs. Sexington. The table was set and the food smelled delicious. Something outside was scratching the window. –But wait! Doesn’t she know that I can’t eat dinner without throwing up if I didn’t have my lucky longsword with me? I ask her to get it from the bedroom for me and she gladly agrees. (She’s so good to me. I don’t deserve her.) I’m alone now and the scratching is getting louder. She returns and we’re ready to eat. –But wait! How am I supposed to eat without my favorite kilt? She gladly goes to the bedroom a second time and again, the scratches keep getting louder. She returns with a bag in her hand and a look of confusion on her face. Again, the scratches get even louder. What could it be? Was it a monster? Werewolf? Pk’s with fabulous neon clothes? The look of confusion now turns into disgust. From confusion to disgust and now anger, she finally speaks, “Is this… WOMAN’S UNDERPANTS!?!?” I jump out of my seat and fling open the front door. I hop onto the noisy llama and ride off into the night. And THAT was the day a llama saved my life.

Items: Kilt & Long Sword

There were still at least a dozen more storytellers after me so I wait patiently... and at the end of a 4 hour storytelling event, judgement is finally bestowed upon us:

Little Known Fact: One of the best things about owning your own site is that a screenshot of a deco item is just as good as the item itself. Needless to say, I head straight to the public rares forum and auction off the one-of-a-kind 2nd place llama statue immediately. (Let the rare collectors fight over the pixel crack; all I want is the glory.)

From 100 million to 200 million then 300 million and beyond, the bids kept jumping higher and higher as the auction deadline approached for this one-of-a-kind item. In the end, it's sold to a rare collector named NewThunder for 350 Million Gold. I buy myself some new throwaway gear and a throwaway plot for my throwaway guild and call it a job well done. (And if you're wondering, the person I was runner-up to was named the freaking "Llama King.")


Okay, so my biggest haul may not have come from using the Stealing skill, but in many ways, these 300 episodes have been just as much about storytelling as they've been about stealing. A storytelling event with prizes worth hundreds-of-millions?

(Like I said, they didn't stand a chance.)

'Til next time!

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