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Episode 267: The Good Stuff




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Hail friends,

A lot has changed on Siege... even in the (relatively) short time I've been here.

This adventure is an example of that change.

I had only just arrived and Ganker [TnT], Davy [TnT], and Astynax [SP!] were doing their thing.

The truth is, I've lost interest in both them and their useless faction artifacts. I've have opportunities in the past where I've snooped the factioners who I wanted to snoop and... ended up going home after shrugging off the "loot."

There's something unsatisfying (and unsettling) about stealing them -- artifacts that can only be equipped by its owner.

"Owned by?"

What's the point?


Meanwhile, as my monologue comes to an end, Ganker runs into the bank and Astynax follows with Davy not far behind. Astynax runs around, Ganker runs out, and Davy stealths somewhere. I catch up to the action and Ganker goes down.

Astynax loots and the newly resurrected Ganker returns.

Davy pops out of the shadows, gives a valiant effort, but is embarrassingly face planted immediately.

Ganker goes down a second time due to collateral damage (and close proximity to his buddy's corpse).

(So far so good.)

I go in for a closer look.

--And I spot the prize!

None of that fluffy faction armor crap, but a non-faction Ancient Samurai Helm!

*gives the metal a good bite*

(It's authentic!)

Oddly enough, Astynax doesn't give chase.

I circle up, over, and around to bank my newly aquired goods and head back in.

On a field of victory, the real travesty (and the source of my latest sadness) begins.

Where there should be promises of revenge, new blood being spilt, and swear words being volleyed amongst the crowd, in its place, negotiations are taking place.

(Crackers and tea are sure to follow, I'm sure.)

*shakes head*

This is the real sin the faction arty plague has beset upon this land.

After all, if warriors on the battle field are brought to the negotiating table after every skirmish... would they also do the same with me? What happened to vengeance? What happened to cursing each other's mothers? What happened to implicit and explicit jokes about each other's sexuality?

(And without any of it, how the hell would I ever catch all of those bubbly words in screenshots?)

Woe is their conversation.

Woe is me.

Stab him in the back!

Poke out his eyeballs!

Rez kill them both!

Do something!

Give them back one piece, chase them down while they're half-naked, then loot it again!

--No, wait!

Make them duel to the death, winner take all, and collectively urinate on the loser's remains! It's the only way the winner gets his stuff back! (It's part of the deal!) You have them right where you want them! The power! Oh, the glorious, abusable power!

Perfect!



...



Astynax tells them he's going in to sort through their things.

He tells them that and... he does exactly that.

*shakes head*

Alas, if he's going to sort through their belongings, I might as well do the same. I spot some faction gloves and a faction bear mask, but it was only a matter of time before I got to the good stuff.

The others patiently wait while finishing their crackers and tea.

Astynax moves to the steps and the others step forward.

The others finish their tea and Astynax offers them some more.

I creep forward.

I mount my ethereal steed but... I really didn't have to. With the two TnT half naked and the SP! essentially holding on to three sets of armor, nobody was going anywhere. (Besides, they might spill their tea and dirty themselves. And that would just be uncivilized.)

I take the only thing I consider valuable.

After a very daring escape, I make it out the city walls.

(Actually, I embarrassingly run head first into a column, stop in place for a few seconds, and clumsily shimmy myself to safety. It's a good thing they weren't after me.)

Back with the factioners, the negotiations continue and it seems... there's a thief on the loose!

They shower him with compliments and that was my cue to depart.

I s'pose I shouldn't be too hard on them. It's not their fault the faction items exist. But instead of the 1200gp insurance cost non-Siege shards have, Siege feels like it has optional incurance costs of 100,000+ per piece. Instead of wearing your latest victim's armor into battle -- while beating them to death a second time, Siege now has negotiations of exclusive buy-backs. After all, who else is going to wear their personalized armor?

I take the good stuff home and slap it on my vendor.

My greatest wish is that their new owners will track me down and beat me to death while wearing them (and then place a book in my mailbox giving a detailed account of my girlish ways, highlighting my girlish screams).

Thus is the law of the land.

*nods*


'Til next time!


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