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Episode 261: Native Canadian vs. Chad Sexington

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Hail friends,

Public Posting by ZeK'a:
Native Canadian spotted. Minoc area looks like he's headed for Barter Town.. Running Solo..

I got a quad4 3gig / SLI with 8 ram water cooled in an aluminum case on a T1. I ping Seige in the high 40s from an island in the Atlantic ocean with 100 kilometer winds blowing (right now). I was macro mining (dig-hide-dig-hide-dig-hide) and he went past me between dig and hide LOL and never saw me. Fast isn't the word I would use.. Supersonic is more like it.. Just saying.. BTW: More Ingots on my vendor!!

Public Posting by Calibretto:
This guy just outran me while on foot, and I was mounted. I didn't even stop to cast I had a bok. And I don't mean stayed ahead of me. He literly jumped to the middle of the screen, then jumped off screen never to be seen again. What kind of computer do I have to get to have his kind of conn. One from the future?

Private Posting by Grey Mullet:
Ive got about 10 blue crystals and was only once killed by native canadian... i asked him how he casts and runs and he said are you new or something I have 2/6 casting then I laughed and asked for a rez kill in front of gm and he fucked off. This guy out ran me while casting corpseskin flamstrike explosion so watch out for his mad skillz... also on other shards ppl have been summoning the harbringer at the hag area with the yellow crystal for some shits and giggles apparently its harder than a peerless.

The latest public (and private) chatter caught my interest. Native Canadian, guildmaster of the scrubs, has been on my "hit list" for a while. Recently with the increased chatter, he's moved up the ladder of my "most wanted list." (I have lots of lists.) And each time I've jumped one of the scrubs gates in the past, I ended up in front of a private house, usually in a different location. Native Canadian, a man of such speed, he must be a great warrior -- truly special. A man of such skill would be a worthy adversary indeed! The stuff of legends! Oh, what glory to be had just for the opportunity to face him! After all, he must be that great and special because the alternative... is uniquely pathetic on so many levels. (And we all know that no one is that pathetic.)


But enough foreshadowing. Where shall I begin?

With the Halloween Event still in full effect and mass unblessings wreaking havoc everywhere, it was a stalker's paradise.

(Best Halloween ever...?)

"If I were an event whore, where would I be?"

This was the question that all the stalkers were asking themselves this night, each trying to catch lightning in a bottle. I was still a little fuzzy on the event details. (I wasn't jumping through the event hoops myself, after all.) But at this point, a few popular locations of interest were already well known.

We begin in Britain.

At Britain's graveyard, Robert Riverwood possessed no arties or event items. I hang out a little longer but no others crash the party.

"If I were an event whore, where would I be?"

I continue to ask myself this question and it leads me on a world tour. I check out a few more graveyards, dungeons, and "locations of interest." Eventually, my tour leads me southwest out of Yew Gate.

A purple hued TigerDyr takes a faction sigil from the nearby Shadowlord base and runs it off back to Britain.

I continue south.

Past the lich forest, I reach the Hag's House and I wouldn't be alone.

A red gate opens just as I approach.

But who would dare try and steal my thunder!?


*pumps fist*

(There's only room enough for one stalker here, buddy.)


Native Canadian, Smooth Criminal, and Phantroneous Cat briefly gather at the Hag's House and soon depart.

All alone now, I do a couple laps around the house and the surrounding area.

A few minutes pass.

--And I return to the most disturbing of scenes!


(He shall rise again!)

Jesus eats dirt and they were back! Now only a group of two, they were able to take down the one and only lord and savior, creator of heaven and earth.

(You bastards!)

With Jesus' puppy attacking the Canadian, I take a peek.

Nothing but a deer mask.

Back down and around, I take another peek.

Nothing but the LRC armor of the Mesiah.

And just as I back away to give them space (and give room for even more stalkers to crash the party), something happens that I should've seen coming:

With a lot of "ooOOoOOo" and "ooOOo OoOo", Jesus speaks to them from the land of the dead.

I only got half of the conversation, but I got enough. Either way, the conversation was all kinds of disturbing.


(Besides, everyone knows Jesus is white, has blond hair, blue eyes, and has the smile of a con man. He's also as American as they come.)

(Or so I've been told.)

::shifty eyes::

I look again.

With the puppy no longer attacking, the Christian-hating Canadian swaps his staff out for a spellbook.

(Oh, really.)

The ghost of Jesus Christ considers the non-Catholic Canadian's proposal. Surprisingly, the Son of God seems to be falling for the Scientologists' hypotism.

(And really, how could he not?)

The follower of L. Ron Hubbard mumbles something about thetans, E-meters, and Dianetics. (And I'm pretty sure he slipped in a "Hail Xenu" at least once or twice.)

I get into position and I'm betting his single blessing is used on one of his jewels and not his unequipped staff.

In spite of the action in the moment, I'd be foolish to underestimate all the public (and private) chatter. It was common knowledge that he was super humanly fast and it would be best to keep it in mind.

(His thetan count was off the charts!)

The plan was simple. I stop, I snoop, and I mount my etheral steed.

He moves.

Newly resurrected by his former foe, the second coming of Christ runs from a stray brigand and the Thetan Lord follows.

I dismount and I'm not far behind.

He stops and I inch closer.

He finishes off the brigand.

I mount and he takes a single step to the left -- just out of arm's reach.

With his unnatural speed (and superior thetan count) this wasn't your normal, everyday situation. Normally, I would have already attempted the theft, flashed my ass, and changed into animal form as I made my getaway. Normally, I would have taken the situation for what it was, rolled the dice, and would have either gotten away successfully or died an embarrassing death. (And normally, there wouldn't be so much chatter about my victim being a Cheating Speeder who is so bad at pvp, he needs full-gallop, casting hacks just to kill people.)

This wasn't a normal situation and he wasn't a normal victim.

This had "mounted theft" written all over it and I wasn't going to take my chances with normal techniques -- I wasn't going to let a few re-mounts ruin my focus. (a.k.a. Got to stick to the plan.)

I dismount, stealth closer, remount, and try again.

(I'm sure there will be (you traitor), but I wasn't going to wait around to find out!)

I'm off!

With the staff in hand and with a clear path already lined up, I make a break for it, due south.

Smooth Criminal wonders what they should do next, Jesus insists that more event mongers would be on the way, and Native Canadian gives chase! I bob and he weaves. I twist and he turns. Back and forth, Cheaty McCheaterson flashes in my rear view mirror, just out of reach, unable to get off a spell.

I hide.


I don't take any chances revealing in an attempt to gate home. Instead, I hike it by foot to the nearest bank.

Back in Britain where it all began, I pocket the staff and finally exhale.

I thank thee for thy donation!

Round 1: Chad Sexington

'Til next time!

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