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Episode 224: Trapped in the Closet

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Hail friends,

I am my own worst enemy.

The following isn't just another obligatory self-congratulatory tale (in a long line of obligatory self-congratulatory tales). This is a personal, intimate reminder from me to you that patience may be a viture and nothing may beat a good plan, but sometimes... you shouldn't pass up what's right in front of you. Sometimes you just overthink the situation.

And whatever you think of me after this, just remember... if you're a woman, wearing underpants is optional when reading my tales.

(--And if you're a man, that's disgusting. No one wants to see your shlong.)

Let's begin.

Up until now I've kept this tale to myself.

The silliness of the Isle of Love was over (and with EM's no longer bugging me as I train), I head back to the closet to train detect hidden--but someone beat me to the punch.

Custom Built of the ancient (and famous) Siege Perilous guild, the Delucian Trade Association, was popping chests (rendering them no longer detectable) and my closet space was useless as long as she lived. Her gate was up, my personal space was violated, and there was only one course of action to be taken.

(To the gate...!)


Out of one closet and into another we go. She leads and I follow. She pops open the first chest, then the second. I gladly step forward and snoop her full pack...! What could it be? Rare gems? Countless treasures?? Rare trinkets???

I take a closer look and find--


Worthless shit. Shitty, shit-shit. The shittiest of shit.

I sift through the shit to find more shit. My determination rassles back the avalanche of shit, only to be flanked by more and more shit. (I'm not kidding, it was shit.)

I'm so blinded, I'd rather go out in a blaze of glory with the *chance* of glimpsing her dead body than to leave here empty handed. (After all, how else would I continue my training?)

I grab my kryss from my bank box.

(We're in a bank after all.)

And... she steps on me as she reaches for the door.


(Maybe I can have some fun after all.)

The chase is on!

She steps left, I step right. She steps down, I step up. She circles the chest in the middle and I squeeze into one of the snug corners. Over and over, I stay one step ahead of her and she wonders if she just imagined the invisible person she stepped on.

But of course, it only lasts so long and she zeros out my position.

I decide to introduce myself.

Custom Built: What are you doing?

My guild tag was still up (THIEF) and I hear something I wasn't expecting:

(Me? A lockpicker? A lockpicking THIEF?)

(Why yes, I am. Thanks for noticing. ^^)

Chad Sexington: *nods*
Chad Sexington: But I'm still training.

(And I didn't even need a disguise this time.)

(I'm training after all and I need good places to train.)

(And if that rune library happens to be in her house and I happen to find something shiney well... things happen.)

Custom Built: How long have you been training?

(She ingores my quesiton.)

(And then I finally get what I've been waiting for.)

(What's this? This isn't a rune library...?)

Ah-ha! Things just keep getting better and better!

(I mark a rune.)

A secret location with no entrance or exit besides magical gate? A victim no longer in guard zone?? All alone with a lockpicking thief you say???

Her backpack contents was looking tastier by the minute.

...but I give her some time to open more chests and rake in the goods.

She asks me what my skills are and wets my treasure-loving appetite.

I soon get the grand tour of the abbreviated labrynth below (along with potential, troublesome, victim-hiding corners).

(Two surface level, chest containing areas, connected by a jagged, underground hallway.)


(Well, one of us is.)

Despite the numerous chests she was able to loot in our world tour of trapped closets... the shit still remains.

"Should I knife her now? Or should I knife her later?" is the only thing on my mind as we come full circle.

I say my farewells, go home, and dream the dreamiest of dreams as I fall asleep and think about what might have been. Ah, 'tis the life I live...

--Or at least I would have if I wasn't busy waiting a few minutes, banking at Skara Brae, putting on a disguise, gating off my newly marked super-secret trapped closet location, waiting for Custom Built in the shadows so she can meet her bloody, bloody demise!


(Now where were we.)

Nowhere to run, no where to hide.

I ready my kryss and grab a shuriken.


And I hesitate.

Yeah, I'm in disguise and she'd never know what hit her. Yes, I could take the chance and see if I kill her now, if she'd continue her treasure hunting ways.

She was making her rounds in all the familiar places that we just visited. I had some time to think things through.

(She'd be back.)

I snoop her as she returns and makes her second round, to see if she had anything worth killing for.

The foul stench is overwhelming.

What should I do?

I'm torn... and I leave her be. I had a rune to her super-secret location anyway? Why waste a perfectly good surprise attack for a bag full of junk? I head down the tunnels to the other treasure room and remark my rune. (I didn't want to take the chance that while I was gating in to set up my trap, she'd already be there, treasure-hunting away.) I gate away, my disguise wears off, and decide that patience is the best course of action. The days pass and I entertain myself in other, more meaningful ways:

A magical kryss here...

A guild with pockets full of silver there...

...but my super-secret rune keeps calling me back.

I put my disguise back on, re-poison my kryss, grab a new stock of shurikens, shout out "Vas Rel Por!", and I get what's coming to me:

"Something is blocking that location."




Wherever I re-marked my rune, I couldn't get back. Wherever that location was, something was wrong with that spot. This happens sometimes in some of the more exotic locations and it was happening to me now. I had the perfect trap, I had the perfect set-up, and there was nothing I could do about it.

That's it.

The end.

Go home.

That's the end of the story.


I go back to twiddling my thumbs and working my detect hidden gains, waiting for our paths to cross paths once again.

I am my own worst enemy.

'Til next time!

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