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Episode 218: The Isle of Love (Part 1 of 2)

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Hail friends,

Public Posting by Pwnography of K0C:
Runes To 2009 Valentines Event Arena Located In Yew!!

Valentine's Day only comes once a year and I wasn't going to miss out on the commercialized, forced, loving that everyone tricks themselves into believing is true to the soul and heart felt for the ages...!

(No, you're bitter.)


The 2009 Valentine's Day Tournament Event wasn't for another 24 hours, but the runes were already on sale. I don't waste any time. I head over to the vendor, snatch up a rune of my own, and put my plan into action.

(The commercially available rune was marked much too close to the arena for my taste. I mark it as far as I could get it to mark on this extremely tiny island... of love!)

I ask you this:

How do you attempt a theft in the middle of the Tokuno Ocean of Nowhere? It's an isle that's barely big enough for two houses. An isle that has little to no cover, obstructions, or resources to hide, stash, or abuse. An isle that would be filled wall to wall in 24 hours time.

An isle where you intend to perform a negative action! An isle where you'll be prevented from escaping by magical gate!

So how -- OH HOW -- do you do it?

The answer:

By boat, of course!



I've outsmarted you again, thief-hating gods. The oceans don't restrict you, no matter if your actions are positive or negative.

The oceans don't discriminate.

The oceans know no bounds.

I place my boat on the southern tip of the isle and lock the planks. Before leaving, I count steps and make sure it's just far enough to not be spotted easily from the tournament arena. (Not noticed... if you're not looking for it.)

I go back to my tower, hang up my boots, and go to sleep.

Tomorrow would be a grand day.

(...of LOVE!)

::The Next Day::


An unexpected IDOC keeps me groggy and sleepless.

(I was not at my best.)

It was almost time and I still had to do one more little piece of busy work.

I head back (to the still empty isle) and unlock my boat.

The plan was simple: Steal, run, jump, and sail.

Simple... in theory. But the truth was, I would have little time to make the get-a-way. Every fraction of a second would be necessary and I wouldn't have the luxury of fumbling around with a boat key while making my fabulous escape.

I unlock my boat, ready to be sailed away at any time by anybody, whenever and if-ever they please.

If my instincts were right (and they usually are), every single person at the event would be so stary-eyed with hearts, kittens, and bubbles to even notice the strange boat on the southern end of the island -- not even the home owners or event hosts would suspect a thing.

::Thirty Minutes Later::

The hosts (and friends?) were already assembled, ready to wine, dine, and celebrate in the festivities!

I take the opportunity to snoop around the building itself. It would be soon overrun with tournament participants and on-lookers and I would have little to no room to move.

(No wraith form this time. On this isle, it would be suicide.)

Nothing except for some very nice pieces on their bodies.

(Attempting to relinquishing them of their armor would have a low chance of success.)


And besides...

--Love was in the air!

The guests start pouring in through the gate.

Even one of the long lost BORG.

(It's been a while since I've seen one of them in these parts.)

The butts were on the seats, the seats were under the butts, and now... the hard part!

Before coming here, while planning my little excursion, I considered revealing myself and taking a ring side seat to the duels. I considered placing my bet, on their bet, that a little ol' harmless thief would be a minor nuisance -- at least on this isle.

After all, there was no escape.

I considered it... and thought better of it. And it's a good thing I did.

Red (the thief) arrives and I watch him closely.

He doesn't hide.

He lets his presence be seen.

And I watch how they treat another thief.

"I ban thee."

Red soon departs, the duels move into full swing, and I wait in the bleachers for that perfect moment.

I keep my time inside the house at a minimum.

(I didn't want to be detected by the home owner.)

EM Alcor!

It's been far too long!

The minutes come and go and I get the sinking feeling that I'm missing something. I head back to the mainland and pick up what I forgot.

(One of my many invisibility sashes.)


I return, try to pick up anything that I've missed, and find my the moment I've been waiting for finally here!

A newly deceased Calibretto comes running down the arena steps, stops nearly on top of me, and chooses to invoke his Virtuous Powers of Sacrifice and self-resurrect right there and then... And with his undying soul comes the rest of his items, right there in his pack.

Calibretto puts on his Quiver and I stop and stare.

He puts on his gloves and chest piece and I snap out of animal form.

He puts on his robe and I spot the fey leggings.

He puts on his apron.

I reach for the leggings and slap on my invisibility sash. Not-a-one of them even bats an eye lash. I check my backpack and...

"You must be standing next to the target in order to steal."



(I hate Valentine's Day so much.)

(It's her doing. I know it.)

*squints eyes*

Still... I was only visible for a split second and still, I was unseen.

I hang around a little while longer.

The contestants are growing restless and find their own entertainment outside of the arena. Calibretto (and a few others) run all over the island, through the gate, and back. All the while, getting a better and better look at the very innocent looking boat.

They don't even look twice.

And things die down.

PuRpLe HaZe of K0C enters the arena... and I follow.

Megan Grace (the home owner), PuRpLe HaZe, a GIL, a NEW, and "the x-factor."

I haven't spoken of this yet, but I cross my fingers and am at his mercy.

At any moment EM Alcor could use his inhuman inviso-vision, break his oath not abuse his powers, alert the others to my presence, and send this sad, sad thief packing.

He doesn't.


Megan works EM Alcor for all he's worth and tries to squeeze any *awesome* items out of him that she can. (The same items that I could not.)

She's even less successful than I.

(A backpack?)

I check the backpack again.

*shits pants*

A backpack full of runic maces!

Arranged, sorted out, and aligned for my viewing pleasure. The best of the best maces from a spent runic hammer.


She disappears.


(I'm a patient man, but this is getting ridiculous.)

I snoop the others, still wondering when EM Alcor will be able to bite his tongue no longer.

(Nothing but blessed roses from an earlier event.)

(Look who's back...!)

I get into position, shimmy here, shimmy there, spot the backpack (now barely visible behind an ethereal llama), and I look again.

(14 stones?? Since when did maces weigh 14 stones!?)

Two can play. I wasn't going home empty handed today. Not today. (The day among days.)

Back to the mainland, I swap out my sash for my blood thirsty kryss.

It was do or die time.

(My favorite time!)

I march right up, fling open the doors (no need to have someone open them for me), and get down to business.

Naked and alone, with the others looking on in horror and disbelief, I do what must be done.

"That was unfair." the NEW solomnly says.
"I should pwn him." the GIL verbally spits.
"Agreed." the tight lipped EM Alcor shakes his head in disgust.

They don't move a muscle.

I take what I came for and leave the rest.

"To the boat!" he points to the sky and proclaims with sinistery victory -- whilst sailing off in dramatic fashion!

"Am I a hero or am I a villain?" I once asked myself not too long ago.

I get word that myself and Nightstalker were used as part of the Valentine's Day festivities as part of a live event.

They've honored myself, Nightstalker, and THIEF this day.

They've singled us out and interactively thanked us for our contributions -- and still I do the dirty deed.

I'm a bad, bad man.

(And I blame it on her.)

*squints eyes*

(No, you're bitter.)


'Til next time!

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