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Episode 161: Night at the Museum

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Hail friends,


I've heard of these wonderful and favorable places before. They say that if you look around, you'll find it filled, wall to wall with the rarest of the rare from all corners of the world! They say if you walk through its halls, you'll can't help but topple stacks of unique items crushing and killing the cutest of kittens! They say that in this place the sluttiest of women will throw themselves at your feet just at the possibility that you are its owner!

(Yes, it's true!)


Donning an ice white shroud -- just begging others to envy him -- he stops by to trade in some Spring Cleaning Tickets.

Naturally, I take it upon myself to best the large ego'd man. This was to be my mission this night!

(There's only room for one huge ego in this town.)

50 points?

(Pfft... 1000 points or no dice.)

(I look a little closer.)

And I find that Pestilence is SO RICH that he's not just turning in just any rares to the Spring Cleaning men, he's tosses away 300th anniversary commemorative trinkets!

(This is getting better and better.)

(I've seen enough.)

If this is the "crap" that he throws away, who knows what treasures he values at his home?

*cracks knuckles*

*attempts to track*


Another with Hiding & Stealth.

(I going to have to be extra careful with this one.)

He finishes handing over his trash and heads to the bank... and I follow.

The wealthy one strikes up a conversation with one of the locals:

Pestilence: That's a very nice bow.

(He knows expensive items when he see's them.)

(Oh, really?)

(That's all I needed to know.)

His museum was to the west and it sounded like it was within hiking distance. I don't bother sticking around any longer. I'm betting he'd be making another pit-stop at his house to the west shortly... and I was going to be there when he did.

It was a race home to find what other treasures he deems worthy and unworthy for trade... preferrably non-blessed, un-locked, soon-to-be-dropped-but-not-yet-secured treasures.


I try the front door.


I eye the stairs on the right. I'm way half way up when I find Pestilence galloping in from the east!

He reaches the base of the stairs and turns he turns straight into me!

I panic, step off the edge, and plummit to the grass below.

I barely escape detection.


(He doesn't suspect a thing.)

I reach the roof and am greeted with over a hundred rare roses and dozens weapons worth millions each. And then... a teleporter blocks my path.


Even hidden, he'd spot my presence immediately.

I decide on patience.

I step outside just in case he decides to check for intruders and after a few attempts I finally get him on Tracking.

I wait.

5 minutes pass and I wait.

10 minutes pass and still, I wait.

15 minutes pass, I hear a magical gate open, track him far to the east (most likely with the Traders), and I make my move.

(Just how much was he trading anyway??)

Now, if I know museums (and I think I do), it would be messy, it would be cluttered, and like a poisonous gas of sensesation overload, disorientation and nausia would follow.

*holds breath*


The sheer number of locked down items sucker punches me in the face like a ton of bricks. My head starts spinning, my eyes start searching, and I clumsily start checking for a good hiding spot. I begin asking myself the important questions:

"If I were wealthy enough to throw away bags full of priceless artifacts, where would I put my personal stash?"

"If I wanted people's attention to be on the rares I had on display, where would I locate my own private containers?"



Not here. Not in the premium floor.

(I think.)

(This wasn't it.)

At first glance it looks like a dungeon. Upon further inspection it was just an extention of his wealth. A mockery. A fake. (An exhibit.)

I snoop around a little more, head back up stairs and find my first set of locked doors.

(Getting warmer.)

A library?

I spot a few containers inside. I look a little closer and spot a magic mirror strangely boxed in a corner.

A false wall here, a hidden teleporter there and -- walla!

(Looks as good a place as any.)

I wait for the museum owner to return and entertain myself in the process.

I finish leaving my mark and Pestilence finally appears... and he brought a friend.

He enters the dungeon from the door below with his pack horse right behind. He doesn't take the stone steps to the second floor, jumps a hidden teleporter on the bottom floor, and escapes my greedy clutches!

(You son of a bitch.)

With two sets of doors I'd have to bypass to start snooping around again, I decide to wait outside just incase he detects for intruders...

"Maybe you should've spent less time making smiley faces with chess pieces and spent more time snooping for hidden teleporters!" is what an asshole would say.


(How could I not?)

Again, 15 minutes pass.

Again, I twiddle my thumbs outside. Again, I eventually track him after multiple tries. And again, he leaves to turn in what I can only assume to be priceless rares ready for the taking!

I make my way down to the mock torture chamber.

(Now where was it?)

I check the corners first.

I try the stables.

And then I check the pens.



I set my circle of transparency to max and try to see what I could see.


I stand and wait once more. But this time... my patience would be tested!

First 5 minutes, 10 minutes,... then the 15 minute marker passes! 20 minutes, then 30 minutes, and then 40 minutes! My mind start twisting and turning. "Mind games! He's just playing mind games!" is what I tell myself.

"You should leave now and try to catch him next time!" is what a hater would say.

Do I pass up the chance to let him enter, open the locked doors for me, follow him, and steal from him with a smile on my face? Do I pass up the glory?


And after all my aching and moaning, 45 minutes pass and there he is again.

And the wealthy man takes a different secret teleporter and laughs in my face.

Like an asshole, I stand there in the wrong corner. Pestilence starts rustling and bustling and suddenly, I am revealed!

I escape the house before he's able to ban me, curse him from afar and swear to him that I'd be back 'if it's the last thing I do!'...

...and then I switch to Plan B.

I purchase a book from the provisioners, pick up some blessed ginger bread cookies on the way, and make my triumphant return.

(This one would require a little more finess.)

I make contact.

Pestilence: Who is this?
Chad Sexington: You don't know me, but I know you...!
Chad Sexington: This is a very nice house you have.
Pestilence: Thank you. =)
Pestilence: Fellow collector?


Pestilence: *smiles*
Pestilence: I know.
Pestilence: My alarms in the house are very effective.
Chad Sexington: *nods*


Chad Sexington: I have a proposition for you.
Chad Sexington: Add a book of mine to the collection in your library...
Chad Sexington: In exchange...

Pestilence: *smiles*
Pestilence: No need for the ban.
Pestilence: No thief can make it past my alarms unnoticed.

The book or his rares (and possibly his life) in exchange for the oppotunity to ban a thief-that's-too-curious-for-his own-good from his museum?

(Either way, win-win for me.)

I grab a fresh pen and write what would soon be known as a very rare and unique manuscript across the land! I write a book that would soon be known to be one of the most famous pieces of literature ever written!

A text worthy of any collection!

I keep the book close.

He wouldn't be able to resist my fine offer for long and I'll be there when he breaks.

'Til next time!

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