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Episode 104: Be careful what you wish for.

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Hail friends,

Today I have for you a dark tale that no man should ever have to witness. The moral of this story? I've yet to figure it out myself... No moral. Just a warning. Be careful what you wish for. Even now, a lasting chill runs down my spine. It all started at the entrance to Fire Dungeon with an archer by the name of mirko cro cop of Slap...

...with an uninsured heavy crossbow!

The best of bows? Nay!

(But if I have to explain to you why I want it, then you haven't been paying attention.)

"It was a trick! It was a trap!" my overactive imagination begins yapping. I hold fast and tell my overactive imagination that there was nothing to fear. And just as I'm about to take a step, I'm interrupted by a host of equally strange folk.

Twisted, Mad Morbid, and the stealther Of The Unseen soon joins the fun.

(It seems I've arrived just in time.)

Nope. No need to party.

(No need at all.)

mirko cro cop with heavy crossbow in hand, enters with the first group. Slap afer Slap recalls in and enters the cave.

Was I too late? Were the fields already going to be up? Would I even have a chance at the bow?

I hike up my boots, conceal myself with my imaginary King of Thieves shroud, and put on my game face. I enter the red mages' room and jump through the sparkles... and that's when the fun begins.

2 corpses at my feet, 2 embarrassing looking ghosts, 2 more corpses closeby, a lesser force of KDL there to greet them, and 2 more Slap with nothing but a look of panic on their faces... and then I remember why I came here in the first place!


I look to the north and all I see is Smokey Pipe making funny faces. I check the identities of the corpses that surround me.

No luck.

I look and look and look some more. No signs of the crossbow wielding archer. His friends were fighting, his friends were dying, his friends were resurrecting, and he was no where to be found.

He left them! And with his crossbow along with him!

More and more Slap arrive to fight off the very small opposition. They outnumber the others at least 3 to 1 and they re-take the island.

Smokey flashes my view to the south. The 5 Slap guarding the newly built bridge give chase. I take advantage and make myself comfortable on the island.

With the danger gone, mirko shows his face. I forgive him for his cowardice, I forgive him for his absence, and I take one more look at the bow that would be mine this day!




The bow! The bow is gone!?

(Or perhaps he switched and it's sitting in his uninsured backpack even as I speak.)

(I had to know.)

The candles of the alter are being summoned steadily now and the spawn soon takes hold.

mirko falls to the spawn.

A stealth archer on the alter, more KDL on the perimeter, and nothing between mirko's corpse and my money grubbing paws. Through the chaos I make my move and get what's coming to me...

--A very tiny pile of gold!



(Son of a bitch.)

I decide to stay and wait out the storm.

'Coon falls and I take a look.

And my troubles are thanked with only a 110 Veterinary and 110 Eval Int.

I go home with my tail tucked between my legs. Somewhere out there, someone is laughing at me with heavy crossbow in one hand and a complimentary mug of ale in the other. Somewhere out there, someone is re-telling this tale with their own little twists and quirks... and possibly including a gay joke directed at me.


I follow Slap to the only place I knew they would be -- Yew Gate.


With a new found fire, I waste no time and head to Yew Gate!

I take my time and snoop them. I snoop them all. A stray scroll perhaps?

(I'm not that lucky.)


And then something I did not expect. When all the action had died down and when they thought they were all alone with no peering eyes watching, they allow themselves to let down their guard. They allow themselves to express themselves freely without ridicule from the outside world that would never understand their true feelings.

A laugh. A smile. A glance. A wince. A giggle.

They start pleasuring each other orally.

Tonight's treasure slips through my fingers. In truth, the treasure is the last thing on my mind.

(I don't want to know.)

'Til next time!

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