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Episode 086: The Deal

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Hail friends,

Another day in Hythloth and another encounter with Lady Tammy. (My favorite Lady!) But this dance was getting old. Profitable, but old none-the-less, even for me. There must be something more to be had here... hmmm... There's a puzzle here. A puzzle and an answer and I'm just not seeing it. hmm...


Whatever that puzzle may be, it'll have to wait. There's a stealing that must be done!

With 60 Powder of Translocation, a Bag of Sending, and 14,000 gold pieces... how could I not? Which Lady Tammy would it be today? The vengeful one that wants to gut me with her blade? The distracted one that always takes a moment or two to react (as if she's multi-tasking, or has something to warn her of danger)?

I reach into her pack and intend to find out first hand.

I only grab 10 piles of powder. I wait.


Ah! The day dreaming Tammy! My lucky day. I empty her pockets in order to fill my own and use this time to question the meaning of my life.

Why take powder from this helpless lass? Why do I do it? There's no glory in this... (ok, maybe just a little). But why?

I question these very important questions and look up at her face. She didn't look too good.


It seems I've disrupted their little rhythm. The demons gain the upper hand as I sit back and watch my handy work.

I open her corpse, fondle her a little, and take what's mine.

And just as soon as she left my side, there she is again, running back to reclaim her things.

And then it hits me.

The Deal!

I sneak in close and prepare my words carefully. And just as I'm about to speak, she realizes she's forgotten to recast her vampiric embrace. I try to stop her. I try to catch her. I try to warn her, speak to her, and fondle her once more. (sexually!)

But she slips through the cracks and out of my life! Like a cannibalistic dove from the safety of a cage into a world already inhabited by the rest of the cannibalistic dove community, she possess those same unanienable rights that we all possess: The right to live and to kill people.

But how will I inform her of my epiphany! How -- OH HOW -- will I release my frustration! (Sexually!)

I scurry and I scowl. I sit and I stir. I go to sleep mad that night intent on righting it the next, if given the chance.

I sleep.

I wake.

...and that chance finally comes.

She remains a statuette.

I take a closer look, spot some fresh Powder of Fortification. She pops to life, I let the powder go (for now), and follow the plan:

"-!!?" is all she says and runs off.

(How rude.)

I follow her close, but the art of stealth wasn't my concern. Not anymore. She bumps into me a few times and decides that a quick exit is her best course of action.

She makes for the exit, away from this tiny thief, as if her life depended on it. I break from the cover of the shadows, reach out my arms just as she's about to leave, and... I am successful!

I take my prize with a grin on my face, but the job was far from done! This isn't what I came here for! I return to the bank, pick up some books, and intend to let my deal be known, whether she wants to hear it or not:

This dance tires me like I've never tired before. Yes, this was the answer to the puzzle. The answer to both our mutual tiresomes. A proposition between enemies, a bond between foes, a deal between predator and of prey. Until that time, I hope she brings me more powder...

...for if my words are not heeded, I'm afraid there will be many more fondlings to come.

(It would be rude of me not to!)

Come to think of it... this deal applies to all who seek protection! From miners, to lumberjacks, to glory hungry warriors, and battle hardened adventurers -- it makes no difference!

*happy face*

And thus, days, months, and years passed from that glorious day in our world's history. They say 'The Deal' was a gift to the world! Yes, it's true! For years upon years to come, the bards of this land sing ballads in it's name! Kings from the largest of countries and priests of the highest of orders came to the thief to given penance. The villagers and townsfolk spin tales of his name, even to this day! 'The Deal' brought forth a new age of peace and prosperity across the land!

And over the years, the books once marked with a simple "Aye" were soon found baring the words "The Deal" in it's place in honor the thief and his vision and most forward of thinking! They all paid 1million gold to the thief and carried a book with these markings inscribed upon it.

For if they didn't...

...they were stoned to death in front of a ruggedly handsome Statue of Chad in the middle of town square. The violator's dogs and cats were hanged by the legs until dizzy. Their horses were forced to mate with the meatiest cows (and equally ugly women!).

(Yes, it's true!)

'Til next time!

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