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Episode 066: Son of a Motherless Goat

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Hail friends,

I've said this before and I'll say it again. Not every day is a good day for a thief. Truth be told, the events I'm about to describe occured days ago. But in my shame I must find strength if I'm ever to find the glory that I seek. On this day, I picked a fight with a miner and I lost. My lust for blackrock has yet to subside. I decided to check out a well known miner's hotspot that I haven't visited in ages.


And it looks like I'm not alone.

Sasha comes running through the outer gate of the city. I take a closer look.

What? No scrolls?

But it looks like her little blue friend had something to my liking. The miners would have to wait! Adventure was calling once again! I depart the city through the northern exit in hopes to catch someone in the act.

Too late.

The battle has already been fought, but from the looks of it, they left in a hurry. I pocket 15k in gold pieces and whatever else that was laying around that was of value.

*happy face*

I run the gauntlet of champion spawns, but no other playmates were to be found. I bank the gold in my pockets, pick up one of my many bags of sending, and return to gather the 150k in gold.

There was something in the air.

The faint aroma of a female miner. (The best kind!)

I rush back to Delucia to introduce myself to the woman of my dreams.

Alourdes and her trusty fire beetle.

The closer I get, the more intense her perfume becomes. My vision begins to blur, my movements clumsey, and my thoughts jumbled.

"No good can come of this!" I tell myself, "TURN BACK WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!"

--Her perfect pair of fun bags hypnotize me and the vixen has me by the balls.

Despite my best judgement, despite the warning signs, I strike!


My thoughts become slurred and my actions become jello! My attack misses its intended target and her fire beetle takes one for the team.

"Vendor buy the bank some guards!"






Not one to give up so easily and realizing this was not a one man job, I return. And this time I brought back-up.

The plan was simple:

Shade would inject the poison and keep the town guards pre-occupied. "She tripped and fell on my shuriken! I swear!" he'd lie. While I attempt to block Aloudrdes with my still hidden self and a few well placed energy fields. And in the guard's confusion, I'd stealth up and loot Alourdes' pathetic looking corpse.

The trap is set. We move into position.

Shade tosses his shuriken, the guards come, and I... fail to cast the energy fields!

"You cannot cast this spell in town!"


Alourdes... stays alive and slowly makes her way to the bank and begins to store her treasures into her bank box as fast as she can! Her poison resist was too high and she had too many hit points! (Nuts.)

All her treasures. Even her clothes.

The poison was so ineffective, it even wore off before death could take the she-devil.

At least I got to see her fun-bags before I left. Yet... there the vixen remains. Still standing. Still alive. And still such a whore.


(How embarrassing.)


I go home in shame... I hang my head low.

No, there's no punch line.

No saving grace.

Don't look at me.


But it's on this day that I finally complete my suit.

(And judging from my performances as of late, I'm going to need it.)

(Note to self: Next time, just steal the damn gems.)

'Til next time!

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