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Episode 059: Escapades of a Dying Man

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Hail friends,

*cough* *cough*

It seems I've tested Fate's patience one too many times. It seems the gods wish to play their "We hate Chad" games once more. It seems I've come down with a severe case of Plague (with a complimentary case of Cooties). A disease from which there is no escape.

*cough* *cough*

(Or so I've heard.)

There will be no grand goodbye for this thief. I'll go out on my own terms...

...on the hunt for one last treasure to take -- to accompany me -- on life's greatest adventure into the void of the unknown.

The City of Compassion. Where many adventures have taken place. And where many adventures have yet to come!--


*single tear*

A beautiful naked woman greets me and feeds me grapes. (So the rumors are true after all!)

And yet, all the women and all the naked in all the world couldn't changed the fact that this is not holy ground I stand on. This is enemy territory! And I must crush all that stand in my way! (And when I say crush, I mean steal from them run away as a wee pup.)

I follow The Great Goob methodically.

I watch and observe my prey.

*opens little black book and adds a new entry into The Great Goob's file*

(You didn't know I kept files on everyone I meet? Doesn't everybody?)

(Don't be glib.)

I witness his life drop dangerously low. "Tempting kill" you might be thinking. "To do this right would mean he would have to live." I'd correct you.

*cough* *cough*

Then again... you may have a point. I might not have much time left. No matter! I leave this one and survey the rest of the huge city.

(What's this?)

Lady Chelsea!

With a mighty fine ring!

Decisions. Decisions!

"Tempting steal" would be an understatement! But to do this right would need just the right touch. Only a running steal would do... A running steal to self-reveal, as to not telegraph my presence... A running steal while she was busy recalling away...


...A self-revealed, running steal, while she recalled away, while she was busy targeting her own runebook, while her attention was elsewhere, where she would not even be aware that anything was stolen, recall away, return, not alert The Great Goob or others that may pass through the city, and continue with her own hunt!

(Sounds like a plan.)


*cough* *cough*

In my victory, I'm reminded of my time limitations! I return to see how The Great Goob's luck is holding up.

The gold in his pockets continues to build. The temptation rises. But I must resist if I'm to ever get what I truely seek.

Back to the northern edge of town I find Lady Chelsea dazzling the monsters just as before. Unaware of her missing ring.


I mingle. I wait.

*cough* *cough*

But I can wait no more!

I reach for my dagger, ready to strike, but hesitate! I hesistate!

I can see the gods high-fiving each other as I speak! Laughing, playing their twisted "Every time Chad hesistates, take a shot" games! (Bastards.)

I return to Luna in shame! In a dying, plague infested shame!

Even my saucy wenches can't raise my spirits.

There is no glory to be had at the end of this tunnel! Is this the purpose, the meaning of my existance!? Is this the end of my journey!?


I return to the great city and hold my dagger close. If I was to die this day, I go to see that I'd have company!

I snoop his pack one last time out of habbit...

*shits pants*

I grab the scroll (thank the gods that I decided to wear my extra strength diapers this day) and run like hell!



And that's the story of how I saved Christmas!

*backs away from the camp fire with a gi-normous grin*

Wide-eyed Youngling: What about the Plague? How did you survive?

It turns out I just had a severe case of the Cooties after all! The town healer said he's never seen Cooties that severe. I tell him, "Then you've never met the women of the City of Compassion!"

"Ok, maybe I have seen it before. Just don't tell my wife!" he says while we high five each other.

*wide-eyed confused face*

"One day you'll learn youngling. One day."

*wide-eyed happy face*

'Til next time!

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