Home | Forums

Episode 037: Return to Terra Sanctum

First | Previous Episode Index Next | Latest

Hail friends,

Dead again. Goddamnit, I'm dead again.

The book was mine! Surely I should have known to prepare a Shadow Strike.

*shakes head*

And as punishment I endure the long journey... home?

No... this isn't home. It's a sesspool of strangers that grin at your through their teeth.

As a consilation and help myself to a few dozen piles of gold pieces. Yet, even Ave-k VII didn't have anything to offer me this night.

...and back once more. But something wrong. Something's missing. ...Something's odd about the warrior next to me. His horde minion's belly seems quite full.

*scratches head*

Ah-ha! There may be adventure yet to come! Word has reached my ears of these scallywags, these squatters, these INVADERS!

News has it the Guardians of Virtue have invaded my island -- Terra Sanctum! At long last a chance to catch them in the act.

I drop everything I'm doing and set sail.

And what's this!?

I've neglected my people for far too long! They shower me with the roses that they have left and send me their finest escorts... which weren't that fine at all. But who's to blame here? Unprepared and unprotected, other men have sent mighty vessels to lay claim to a land that I once called my own.

At yet... isn't it still my own? My people will be neglected no more.

After inspection of the beech I prolaim my decree:

I thank they for the 115 Veterinary & 115 Wrestling under right of taxation and treat myself to a job well done. I find a comfortable position and rest my eyes...

...all is well.

I wake.


Squatters! The squatters romp about the island unchecked. And in my shame... while I was asleep. I check the island searching for the infidels. But all I find are the starving peasants that look up to me for guidance. To my right, little Two-toes Timmy... with nothing but rags to hide his empty stomach. To my left, cute little Amy asking if there is anything she can do.

*single tear*

I do my best to keep a watchful eye, but it seems every time I wake a new mountain of gold appears before me with the squatters long gone... yes... I fill my pockets and belly... BUT WHAT ABOUT TIMMY & AMY YOUR HEARTLESS FOOL.


Why oh WHY!?

Down on my knees and beg for power unknown to these heathens. A tidal wave. A bolt of lightning. ANYTHING! Something to end the tyranny we are forced to endure.

...so thirsty...

*cough* *cough*

...so cold...

And with a brilliant flash of light the great Lord of the Seven Seas, GM Sakinthlas, answer my prayers!

The villagers put together a feast so grand, none so grand has come before it -- and none shall come again!

They erect a statue in my honor that penetrates the sky itself with an orgasm of joy and wonder! Ah, today is a good day. A job well done (and a profitable endeavor). I keep watch once again. I rest my tired feet on my perch and rest my eyes once again.

I wake.

Gold once more? I pocket everything and site, patrol the coast, and this time my revenge will be sweet. With the squatters gone, the Marshalls intent to watlz right in unopposed.

Or that's what they're lead to believe.

Deamon Malento guards the east and this one guards the west. I know I shouldn't. I know I musn't. But I can't help myself.

I move in for a closer look this early in the game.

A scroll!

A 105... how long was I out? Was this their 2nd spawn or their five-thousandth? Too many questions and not enough time as MidneyKitten walks right through me!

With two guards watching the perimeter, how many Marshalls did they bring? I intend to find out.

From what I gather...

-Evil Goddess likes to rush in to the critters head on, never staying in one place for very long.
-Baddad & Twizzle are usually hand-in-hand.
-MidneyKitten enjoys luring spawn next to her companions and casting invisibility on herself... over and over and over again!
-Dolfus is the designated healer ...and part-time counselor when they have emotional problems.

...plus, my sources tell me he smells.

While Deamon Malento is... is... the commodor of their mighty fleet of ships!

A skull of venom in his pocket... taunting me. He continue to hunt and I continue to wait. I herd of sheep are being slaughtered to the north... mmm... lamb. I could use some lamb... I mean... uh, Timmy could use some lamb. Wait a second.

That's... not a herd of sheep...? That's the sound of blues being killed by reds!

Deamon Malento is one of the first to go as he fights to his last breath. The murderers continue their charge.

...and I slip through the cracks.

But what's a ship key with no boat? I take advantage of the carnage and continue with my own agenda.

Gone! His ghost went south while I wandered north. They've climbed in their boats without a 2nd thought about the fate of his eternal soul!

I head south, but I must have missed their rally point, because the Marshalls charge in from no where ready to strike. And strike they do!

There are casualties on both sides.

The battle moves to the south, and my paws are itching to see what Heskal the II has to offer but his loyal Terathan Avenger keeps watch over his corpse.

And while I find it hard to forgive them for trespassing... I find my morals & self-respect begin to fade at the site of more and more gold.


*pokes Timmy with stick*

But what about my ships? I head northward... but I make one quick stop.

I walk the coast once more, fiddling with the boat locks as I go.

And I'm about to give up hope when I see... another blockade lining the harbor!

With my pack full and the shores still crawling with Marshalls, I ever so quietly, launch a ship of my own and inspect the blockade.

The first tillerman tells me to move along and mind my own business. The second flips me off tells me to cry more. The third... asks me what I want to rename the ship! A great dragon ship and a mighty ship at that! From this day forth, you shall be known as...


(It's gone.)

The marshalls dock the boat and seem none-too-happy to find an intruder in their midst.

Perplexed and confused (and with MidneyKitten not around to lure more spawn to them) they run out of options and let out their anger on the wooden planks of my boat.

Bewildered by my power (or perhaps finished torturing my tillerman), they flee to the south and I set sail to the lighthouse to the north.

I return to Luna and the inhabitants continue to grin at me through their teeth. But this time, I grin back.

Chad Sexington:
  • Four-Hundred Thousand Gold Pieces
  • 115 Veterinary
  • 115 Wrestling
  • Handful of 105 Power Scrolls
  • Skull of Power
  • Half a dozen sunken ships on the shores of my island.
  • An island of my own.
  • Timmy in a cage.
(So excruciatingly close to grabbing a Dragon Ship.)

'Til next time!

First | Previous Episode Index Next | Latest

Copyright © 2007 uothief.com All Rights Reserved