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Episode 036: Sugar 'n Spice and Everything Nice

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Hail friends,

They say the easiest way to obtain powder of translocation is deep within the Dungeon Fire. Not a reward for completing a quest in the coloney with the ants, you say? Don't be shy. I said the same. They say the powder you recieve from the ants are fakes. (Or so they say.) They're frauds. They're used... ...and about as useful as a Personal Bless Deed For Anyone.

*sips ale*


Whom is this "they" you speak of? The Majestic Nymphs of the Forgotten Realm of course!

Persecuted and used as slaves by the ants for tens of thousands of years and have a known fear of ants, ant dwellings, and ant related paraphernalia? Now you're just talking crazy. Besides, they gave me a delicious cookie. What more do you want?

I barely have time to enjoy my delicious cookie when sir lars of Excessive Justice interrupts snack time. (My favorite time!) Robbed of my delight I move in to return the favor.

Two knights of justice. And poorly equip ones at that! I approach without fear and with an appetite for success!

I observe the two adventurers and observe them do their dance. A couple blade spirits there, a few arrows & cold steel here; instant glory. Curious creatures these two are. I'm intrigued.

Without an arsenal of mysterious weapons, without the comfort of exceptionally crafted armor, (and without insurance?) they hunt, they fight, they mingle. They remind me of the world of old. They seem so content. They seem so simple. I want to take one home with me and feed it...

(...and when I say feed it, I mean murder them ruthlessly.)


They very slowly get away!

Bested by a pair of very cute, underequip, uninsured, men. Dear god, one was in an orc helm. (Someone hand me a skirt.)

*shakes head*

I gather what pride I have left, put down the dagger, pick up my delicious cookie and head further into the den of fire. The nymphs did speak of oddities and trickery of the tricky and odd inhanbitats of these caves. I grasp my cookie for fear of starving munchkins.

Alone in the dark, my legs begin tremble, and my palms begin to sweat.

Danger! Danger was a-foot! With munchkins grabbing at my ankles and men bearing orc helms singing very cute songs, I hike up my skirt, put away my make-up, and make for Brit Gate!

"A treasure!" Spock yelled, "A mighty weapon of power from Waylander's pack!" (Dyed with Shadow Tokuno Dye no less!)

I dash to his body and find nothing but a pathetic looking corpse.

He asks why I'm wearing a skirt.

I tell him not to judge me.

He apologizes, I accept, and we continue our search for the missing weapon of power.

With nothing too interesting, I return to the cavern of flame. And deep within the dungeon the temperature begins to rise. The air becomes thicker, the walls move in closer, and the heat rides up my skirt. (Which is actually quite nice.) What's this?

A lone warrior, systematically felling his foes. I'm intrigued and move in for a closer look.


I wait until he's gathered a sufficient amount of gold for my liking. Standing next to him now, I ready my dagger, and with all my feminine might -- I strike!







(This one was limber!)

At 2/3 life I finally deliver my infectious strike. I step back to observe my handy work... when he suddenly pops to life and continues the fight! With their poison cured I dart around the corner.

Yet I've come for my treasure, and I dare not go home empty handed.

Success! Without persuit I trot around the corner and find another free powder vendor.

That's it! Through all the riddles, double talk, and delicious cookies from the nymphs, this was the answer to their puzzle. The ancient civilization of the Spice Vendors was all they were speaking of!

I take with me a valuable lesson this day: Always trust naked women that bake a mean cookie.

But their location is a secret, I hope my tracks have not been followed. I thank thee gracious Spice Vendors, and look forward to our next transaction! ^^

(Spock thanks thee for thy donation!)

'Til next time!

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