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Episode 035: The Chase

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1. to pursue in order to seize, overtake, etc.: The town guard chased the thief.
2. to pursue with intent to capture or kill, as game; hunt: to chase deer.
3. to drive or expel by force, threat, or harassment: She chased the cat out of the room.
4. to follow in pursuit: to chase after someone.

Ah, another day, another adventure. There is treasure to be had and I intend to seize it -- by any means necessary.

...seize it and choke it. Choke it and cook it. Cook it... and eat it?

With food on the brain I trot into Luna bank. Where anything your heart desires can be found at arms reach... except a baker or butcher...? Who designed this place anyway? What do these people eat?

Too many questions.


What's this?

Gold and cash offers you say?

"Gold and cash offers" is my middle name!

No time to question the lords of the local vendor malls as to the whereabouts of the elusive food courts (an adventure for another day). The call to action is upon me and I answer.

"Kal Ort Por!"

The keep of Pwn Leader himself... for sale?


He must know something I do not. He must have heard of an adventure of his own and is setting sail as I speak! There must be mountains of treasure on an unknown isle! With lakes full of beatiful women that bathe in crystal water and in the lust of the men around them!


I must discover the location of this hidden isle. I must discover it, find it, and lay claim to it!

I calm myself. I steady myself. I urinate on the snow and mark it as a target -- a personal goal if you will -- as the location my victim's face would soon lay. I wait...

...but I don't wait long.

The Quantum Realm? It's a long way from The City of Compassion my friend. Let's see what you're up to (and see what you've brought me).

Rubbish. But fortunately he's brought a friend.

It seems Pwn Leader has bestowed the task of sale of this great building to this underling named Slo. Two noble lords discussing the exchange of millions of gold pieces and me in the middle.

I'm flattered. ^^

Slo suspects! Did I make a sound? Whatever it was, my cover was blown. They may be blue in the eyes of the gods but they must have murderous friends. I scramble for something of value. I snatch what I can and dash to the south.


Like a baby being born of a uh... very popular lady... I slip easily between the cracks. But is this all the treasure to be had? I tip-toe past the orcs, circle the mighty home in front and creep towards Pwn Leader's keep from the west.

...Slo still remains.

...Slo pauses and turns.

...He turns in my direction!

This one is trained in the arts of detective-ry. He attempts to flatter me with kind words.

I try to throw off my scent with a little flattery of my own.

"Fare-thee-well" I say, as I circle around the building and approach from the east. I wait...

...and Slo does not disappoint.

This time something is wrong. Something's not quite right.

Clever man.

This one has tricks he does, but is remains a little sloppy. He should have tucked away that talisman until he got close. He should have struck up another conversation with the invisible wolf, let loose his lava serpent, cast an energy field and a wall of stone to block my escape, and struck me down with hellfire summoned from up on high.

Instead he is sloppy.

...Yet both of us know I am no match for magic such as that. I stealth my way towards the south, stealth away for my life. Hoping against hope that the arctic tundra will dampen my scent.

I leave cookie crumbs in one direction, and lonely house wives in another.

He doesn't fall for my tricks and I spot him hot on my trail!

No time to be subtle. No time to be cute. I break my veil of invisibilty and dash toward the mountain pass.

It's blocked!

I excape with my genitals only with minor scratches. I was not going to infiltrate his ground a third time. This time he'd be ready and waiting. This time it would be my face in the yellow snow...

...singing songs longing for white snow once more.

I litter the ground with Slo's calling card and hire mercenaries to do the work for me. The least I could do it provide him with more customers. ^^

Perhaps the location of the Isle of Beatiful Women was not meant to fall into the wrong hands (mine). But I still can't help but wonder. With my feelings hurt and my libido all but gone I turn to my friend TheOneEyedNewb to get me out of this slump.

A small victory, but a victory none-the-less.

I wonder if my guildmates are having more success than I am...?


*checks pockets*

(I always find the best stuff in here.) ...

A note from Smeagol?

'Til next time!

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