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Episode 034: Yoink vs. Chad Sexington

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Hail friends,

News of my demise has been greatly exaggerated.

To tell this tale I'll have to start at the beginning. This adventure starts one week ago from this very night. It stars a thief. A thief that isn't me.

(He's also a thief that isn't very good at what he does, but I'm getting ahead of myself.)

These days it's rare for me to recieve messages from those who haven't heard of my exploits. It makes it harder to steal, but I s'pose it comes with the territory. I should have known right then and there that something was up. And surely my brain was saying "yes", my heart was saying "no", and my genitals were running in fear.

If there's one lesson I take away from this adventure: Always listen to your genitals.

Chad Sexington: So how long have you been playing?
Yoink: Only a couple months. My bro let me use his account.

*raises eyebrow*

(Let the games begin.)

Yoink: Do you steal scrolls?
Chad Sexington: Yeah.
Yoink: So you have any on you right now?
Chad Sexington: What do you mean?

(Small chit-chat follows.)

Yoink: I gotta log, but there's this guy in luna that was looking for you earlier.
Chad Sexington: Yeah?
Yoink: He really wants to talk to you.
Chad Sexington: What's his name?
Yoink: TheOneEyedNewb
Chad Sexington: Be right there.

At this point I'm in full bullshit detection mode. Every word that comes out of my mouth is an act -- every action calculated.

I decide to ride this one through.

Yoink goes into hiding.

TheOneEyedNewb: Can I buy your Inquisitor's?
TheOneEyedNewb: You're probably the last person on the shard I've asked.
Chad Sexington: They're not for sale, sorry.
TheOneEyedNewb: I really need them.
TheOneEyedNewb: I'll pay lots.

I have no doubt Yoink is hidden next to me at this very moment. They have me cornered, they have me trapped, and they have a plan. I'm on the defensive and am in no place to make a stand.

TheOneEyedNewb: Do you have any scrolls for sale?

The bullshit is flowing freely now. With every word he speaks, another log comes tumbling out of his mouth. He keeps at it and I play along.

(But two can play this game.)

(Yoink & TheOneEyedNewb have become my new pet project.)

I didn't have much time. I send word to my guildmember Shade via my carrier pigeon Stinky -- post haste!

Chad Sexington: Want to be in the next episode? But I need to know you can keep a secret.
Shade: But of course.
Chad Sexington: Here's the deal, Yoink & TheOneEyedNewb are trying to scam me.
Shade: hahaha
Chad Sexington: He's asking for my PBD gloves.
Shade: Your PBD item...
Shade: Does he think you're stupid?
Chad Sexington: He wants me to remove the pbd, drop them in the trade window, yoink will already have it on last target. he'll cancel the trade, yoink will hit steal/last target, and run off.
Shade: So what's the plan?
Chad Sexington: When we find TheOneEyedNewb at the bank I'll party him and ask if he still wants to do the trade while a take a screenshot of the guild gump with yoink not online. A few seconds later yoink will magically appear.
Shade: hahaha
Chad Sexington: After we go upstairs and we set the price I'll hit hide real quick, remove the pbd, insure it, re-appear and drop it in the trade window.
Chad Sexington: He'll cancel the trade, the glove will drop in my pack, yoink will attempt to steal, appear next to me, and we both gank him.
Shade: I should bring a hiryu and name it something.
Chad Sexington: "Scammer Detector."
Shade: YES.
Shade: Do you think it'll work?
Chad Sexington: He'll either see the insurance or he won't and appear next to me. Doesn't matter. It'll be fun. Need to get rid of the gloves anyway.
Chad Sexington: Whatever you do don't tell anyone. Not even anyone else in the guild.
Shade: Of course

(Trust no one.)

I go into hiding.

For a week, I drop in only moments at a time. With Shade and myself surveying the bank, we plan and we plot.

No one shows.

::One Week Passes::

Private Posting by Smeagol:
Haven't seen ya in awhile. Anyways I wanted to ask if you know whats up with the thief page its super slow loading when it does load. And to brag about that score I made in brit fel last week, Rune beatle carapice..wootwoot! Heh...Hope all is well. See ya!

(They always get the good stuff without me.)

They think I've perished! They think I've gone from this world! They think they can run around brit fel and dance on my grave with their uninsured Rune Beetle Carapaces, drinking their ale, and eating their very delicious sandwiches!

This has gone on far too long. I let Smeagol in on the plan and not a moment too soon. Withing minutes she spots Yoink at the bank.

Smeagol: TheOneEyedNewb is at the gate and Yoink is trying to scam my friend, haha.

Shade wasn't around, but this was going to happen with or without him.

*prepares for the big fat kill*

Yoink: hi
Chad Sexington: hi

It's been one week since I've spoken to Yoink. I wonder if he still remembers? I wonder if at this very moment he's trying to figure out a way to bring up the gloves again...? Why hasn't he quit the guild? Why hasn't he killed one of my guildmates?

Maybe he's planning on killing me tonight. One final laugh...?

Whatever happens, it's going to happen tonight.

With my shurikens re-stocked, a newly poisoned kryss ready, new skills in Tactics & Anatomy learned, (and Smeagol laying in wait, hidden on the 2nd floor of Luna Bank) I stealth on over to the Bank.

(Nice scrolls for someone a couple months old.)

I watch him for a few minutes and I've seen enough.

(I make my move.)

Chad Sexington: Yoink, are you on?

"He was just in Luna."


"I'll go find him."


Yoink quickly hides and TheOneEyedNewb magically appears.

Yoink tells me he has to leave, but my sources tell a different story.

TheOneEyedNewb: What's up?
Chad Sexington: Just wondering how much you're paying for the gloves.
TheOneEyedNewb: I'll pay 60mil.
TheOneEyedNewb: Need them bad.

We move to the second floor, just as he had planned... or was it just as I had planned? There are so many lies being told it's hard to keep things straight.

TheOneEyedNewb stands ready and waiting with Yoink to my left, Smeagol to my right, and everyone's attention fixated on a blessed Inquisitor's Resolution in my pocket.

I take off my gloves and TheOneEyedNewb does his best not to laugh. Yoink licks his lips and Smeagol stands ready.

I hide, the blessing comes off, the insurance goes on, and I unhide.

*drops the newly insured gloves into trade window*

(I equip my kryss.)





He suspects.

He's been caught.

His face turns red as he searches for words to get him out of this mess.

"Oh shit."

"My friend has my money in his house."

"I'll get to you when I got the rest."


(Yoink was still around here somewhere.)

I hide and TheOneEyedNewb exits.

Moments later, Yoink magically reappears downstairs.

His mistake.

*high five*

I liberate a red velvet pouch and a single gold coin from his corpse to keep, in memory of this glorious occasion.

And in my victory I feel a dark storm building in the east. I've bested this pair, but they won't be the last. Others will follow their footsteps and try to gain my trust. I know this because one thing is for certain...


(Good day!)

Round 1: Chad Sexington

'Til next time!

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