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Episode 033: All's fair in love and war.

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Hail friends,

I happily loot the corpse of Ghengis Khan and relieve him of his precious Books of Truth.

...yet these were the events of last night. The memory still fresh in my mind. I return today to re-live the experience and my venture does not disappoint.

The normal excitement and anticipation fill my veins but something else is at work this night. I can't put my finger on it.

I try to shake the feeling as I find Vesuvius at the bridge.

With the bridge clear of energy fields, traps, & critters, with Vesuvius pre-occupied counting sheep, and with no one else on screen, I walk lightly on my little paws and skitter across the left side of the bridge.

Vesuvius pops to life and runs in my direction!

I side-step to the right. She doesn't spot me? Something is very odd indeed.

RS and Baracoon await. With no guild tags up I have no idea what to expect. I decide to watch at wait.

Hot on Vesuvius' tail is the death threat leaving bear himself. His face flushed with anger. Something was bothering this bear.

Why should I care? It was not a problem of mine. He would get the scrolls or he wouldn't. I would take a scroll from him or I wouldn't. Why should I care of the emotions of those who seem to be emotionless?

Why am I even thinking it now?

I stop.

It wasn't just them, it was also me.

They quickly drop RS, put up some energy fields, and focus their attention to the champion.

Baracoon barely dips to 2/3 life when RS and a few WtF? members rush the island.

Pharaun Mizzrym takes a dirt nap to the left and Vesuvius run for her life to the right.

More WtF? come to join the battle, but the blood has already been spent.

With their concentration back to Baracoon, his health dives rapidly. I have little time to prepare.

TheOneEyedNewb seems to be the most calm and collected out of the bunch. It would be him I would target.

I choose correctly.

With the raider's attention spent on the bear's restless soul I take my time.


Archery Sue blows the ghost a kiss. He quickly dodges and it hits me on the lips! Disoriented and confused (and with the memory of her tongue still in my mouth) I try to keep my composure. Six scrolls accounted for, but there were still six scattered among the group.

Before I can get my bearing's straight Archery Sue begins to mentally undress me. How did she know I was here?

I return the favor and show her I know how to mentally have a good time. She was receptive... a little too receptive.

At first I thought it was a game and at first I liked it. Then it began to escalate. A little too much pressure here. A little too painful there. I tell her to stop, but all she does is smile.

She mentally violates me, mentally takes my pride & masculinity, mentally throws my clothes in the lake below, and leaves me mentally naked.

And just like that...

...she's out of my life forever.

I miss her.

*singel tear*

Nothing but me... a few corpses here, a few blood spatters there, and... and... THE GOLD!

I fill my pockets with whatever I can carry and head through the black gate.

Baron VonAwsome is there, but he has not what I seek.

I quickly bank my gold, put on a fresh robe, pick up a Bag of sending and head back into the den of evil. I step through the cave entrace and in my vigor I stop short.

The man-bear is back and is hunting one of his own kin?

I freeze as to side-step the battle, but the battle comes to me! With the last breathes the she-bear has left I look into her belongings.

A mess of oddities amongs evil more gold to be had! Tonight was going to be an eventful night indeed. All manner of odd creatures roam these caves this day. Before I could take a closer look she drops and her body hugs the dirt.

Once again I sit, wait, and attempt to remain undetected while my prey comes to me. A Bag of sending has caught my eye. I've been running low on them myself these days. The man-bear happily loots. I open a small pouch to find --

*throws up*

A cannibal! The bear begins feasting on his own kind. Before I could get a better look at his new found trinkets, he trots out the cave and is wisked away by some unknown force.

I turn my attention back towards the gold that awaits and head deeper into the cave.

Just like I left it. I waste no more time and start sending piles of 25k in gold pieces off to my bank box. I'm nearly half way done with Vesuvius is back, and she wants some more. It's a race to scoop up what gold is left and when it's gone she darts off to the north.

She darts off with MY gold!

I give chase as fast as my tiny wolf legs will allow. Up the ramp she turns the corner to the sparkles.

Outnumbered and alone, the vermin desecrate her body. I could have helped, but why? I sit back and watch the slaughter.

Ah-ha! My precious gold! S-so b-beautiful! I reach out to grab it and --

Something must be in the air tonight. Perhaps the drinking water. Possibly the "FREE HOT SENSUAL LOVE-MAKING XXX FREE PICS ASIAN" potion the wandering merchant was handing out and spiking in everyone's drinks.

(I must investigate this potion further at a later date.)

Whatever it was, this rat-bastard snatched the gold moments before myself. (I call her Stacey.)

I convince myself that this she-rat was in a constant state of torturous heat, due to the love potion, and put her out of her misery. I reclaim was the gold that Baracoon donated to Vesuvius, that Vesuvius gave Stacey, that Stacey reluctantly gave to me and send it to my bank box with Vesuvius' own Bag of Sending.


It could have ended right there and then. A small victory, but a victory non-the-less. Yet I couldn't shake this feeling that there was more to be done. (Plus the effects of the potion were still in my veins and uh... bones.)

Restlessly, I recall to the far side of Destard to see if I can catch anyone in the act.

Fate has a funny way of never letting me down.

A host of orcs run to the east (clearly fighting over a female orc's affection). I follow their trail of bodily fluids.

"Silly orcs! That's not a female orc. It's just Pharaun."

They don't respond and continue their assault. He runs to the right and they give chase.

Kisaki Azhure and her rune beetle chase off the lonely orcs. Pharaun and Kisaki trade blows (and significant glances if I'm not mistaken) and...

...Vesuvius enters into view!

I'm not sure what happened at this point. A lot of yelling and screaming was involved. Lots of clothes were being throw over the balconey. Something about a child, responsibility, "growing-up and being a man."

It was some manner of a three-way fight. I'm not too sure, I wasn't paying attention. Hair was being pulled. (Which was nice.)

And this fight ended like all fights do when two ladies and a man are involved -- with his face in the dirt.

I open his corpse and loot everything in sight (including a second Bag of Sending).

Much to my delight was the same pouch that my eyes laid on earlier! From evil mages to Sunrise, the corpse of Sunrise to Pharaun Mizzrym, to Pharaun Mizzrym's corpse to me.

I take what I can and leave the rest. Vesuvius comes back yelling some non-sensical jibber-jabber.

"Those other times were meaningless!"

At this point I'm dizzy with female induced head-ache (the worst kind) and take my leave. The effects of the love potion seem to be lifting (thank god). I check my spoils to find none other than the she-bear's pouch that I very much wanted!

I recall away from this madness. I never thought I'd be so happy to lay my eyes on Luna once again. At least this is a madness I can understand.

(Now where's that merchant. I could use more potion.)

'Til next time!

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