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Episode 030: Evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

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Hail friends,

My how times have changed. This was not the Jack that I once knew.

After the small transaction I step out into the wild to get the stentch of Luna out of my hair. It'll stay with me for the better part of the day.

Roaming the dungeons of felucca can be a lonely task these days. But if it's adventure you're seeking... adventure you shall recieve! The glory! My god, the glory to be had! I find myself on the frozen tundra of Ice Isle. I soak up every drop of glory in the air. And when I can take no more, I lift my leg to urinate.

Something catches my eye.

I clench my butt cheeks and stop mid-stream. Opportunity awaits.

The exhalted IDNC graces me with his presence. His holy aura blinds me as I attempt to step in for a closer look. I decide to take a different approach.

The yin to his yang. The anti-hero to his enormous testicles. We would see who would be the better man! Today! Today is the day I regain what I've lost! Today is the day I proove to the worl--


...my dissapointed bladder relaxes as my own urine shames my leg.

This can't be the end! I won't let it!

To Despise! To Despise I would go!

*pumps fist at Despise*


I'm pleasantly greeted by the minions of evil. Their hate makes my blood boil and I like it.

It would seem I am not alone. I've not seen any bodies on the ground, nor any other sign of life. But the white candles tell a different story.

It must be a small party. Maybe two or three. No more than four. They would be do-gooders. Pockets filled with gold. Eyes filled with green grass and blue skies as they sing songs together of very tastey, freshly baked bread, in front of roaring fire places.

They make me sick.

I hold my dagger close as I hear their uppity song in the distance. Here they come.

I hold my ground. I stay patient. They don't suspect a thing.

Midney Kitten & Baddad are the first to enter my view. I hear another singing bass in the background.

I wait until I can hear him sing the chorus clearly.

I catch myself humming along with the melody. Many tricks this trio does have. I may not have given them enough credit. Perhaps they are aware of my presence?

SLICE, the bass singer with the angelic voice, comes into view.

Very noble these three are indeed. And while I may have been satisfied with just a Book of Truth as my prize, it would seem they would force the issue. The books are stuck to their packs. Taunting me.

A challenge?

I accept.

I snoop another and they shove the books in my face as they continue to sing their songs. I find myself hating them.

Baracoon is about to fall.

They throw down some energy fields as I sit. I wait. And an orgasm of rage grows in my belly.

Six scrolls are presented before me. I scan them as quickly as possible. 115 Tactics. 115 Animal Taming.

They do not bother with the gold laid before their feet. They give me meer seconds, I've only seen the first two, and I'm already out of time. They come rushing towards the gate. Now singing songs of victory. My focus is set on the 115 Tactics. Baddad runs toward the gate and I snatch the scroll from his pack. No time to be subtle.

And like an embarassing sexual encounter, it is over too quickly.

I return to pick up the pieces they so thoughtfully left behind.

One-hundred and twenty-five thousand gold pieces & mythical scroll of 115 Tactics?

I call it a win in my book!

'Til next time!

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