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Episode 013: TheOneEyedJack vs. Chad Sexington

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Hail friends,

It must be a full moon tonight. The packies are out in force.

Minding my own business, attempting to purchase some dp kegs and shurikens, I see another she-beast walking up the stairs to the bank from the stables.

TheOneEyedJack shouts something out across the noisey hall. I can't make it out. Something about paying twice what a vendor charges to get in a necro's bed?

*must investigate that at a later date*

While the packy walks up to my robes and sticks it's nose in my crotch. I try not to look like I'm enjoying it as much as I really do. My face turns red as I shove it to the side.

(Note to self: Stop spraying horse pheromones in "fun spot" every morning.)

*pets packy*

It's packs and pouches are empty but it's master must be around here somewhere. I scan my surroundings.

TheOneEyedJack makes his way to the mage shop and the pack horse follows...

...and so do I.

I search the mage shop for any necro prostitutes. Negative. What are you up to Jack? The red light district is in Umbra my friend. (He must be new to these parts.)

*pets packy*

500 empty bottles?

Jack must be "into" something I've never heard of... kinky. After a few moments he makes another pass at the alchemists...

Then it hits me.

1000 bottles?

He can't be that twisted can he? Come on now! You don't want to injure her! Before this moment I was just a nosey by-standard. But now it was my duty as a honorable Sosarian to save this poor necromancer! Rumors have spread across the land about this "1000 Bottle Special." Oh the things that can be done!... *shakes head* This is just the gateway fetish. 1000 bottles is just the begining...

I can sit back and watch no longer! My wits are being tested yet again.


*pumps fist*

I wait for him to make the first move.

I didn't have to wait long before I hear those magic words.

I would have to beat him through his own gate so as to not alarm suspicion. I give the packy a little stab with my dagger to aggitate it... that may slow him down.

*steps through the gate*

Just as I suspected. I stand at the steps of his lair of sin. I can only imaging (and smell!) the events that have taken place in this despicable manor... Sure it looks innocent enough from the outside... they always do.

"Come in!" he says. TheOneEyedJack... you make me sick.

SupremeLadyDui follows me through the gate. I step to the side as she fumbles through some chests in the back of the main hall and recalls away. She must be his "partner" in crime. Probably counting their stock of bottles.

*throws up a little in mouth*

After inspecting the chests on the first floor I take a look around.

16 full soul stones, a rune book library, and other oddities...

I very nice house indeed... then again... they always are. He has no use for other worldly possessions because he has it all. Now he's on the hunt for other means to get his jollies off. Bastard.

After closely checking the house for booby traps such as large boulders, trap doors, hidden exotic animals (tigers, lions, pools of sharks) I make my way downstairs just in time.

TheOneEyedJack makes his grand entrance.

*eyeballs the prison behind the stairs*

*takes a wiff of some foul odor*

This must be where he does his deed. You sick, sick, man.

I move in for the surprise of his life.

"CITIZEN'S ARREST! CITIZEN'S ARREST!" My mind is screaming, as I inch closer and closer to the miscreant.

Then I snoop his backpack out of habbit...



Hm... save a poor necromancer... or fill my pockets. ::dilemma::



*flips off Umbra*


Jack takes a few steps inspecting other containers. He doesn't suspect a thing.

I hold my breath.

(It's now or never.)

I dash for his pockets!


*animal form*


I run faster than I've ever run before. I take the moongate a few screens away and head towards luna! And I'm greeted by non-other than the she-beast that started it all.

1000 bottles? Poor, poor, necro girl. Better you than me.



Round 1: Chad Sexington

'Til next time!

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