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Episode 007: Walkabout

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Hail friends,

The guild is a failure. The charter is all wrong.

*sips ale*

*ponders life*

How did I get here?
Who am I?


Who grabbed my ass?

*detect hidden*

::You can see nothing hidden there::

Can't do anything right.

*sips ale*

I can't shake the feeling like I'm being watched. Something's wrong. Something's not right... to tell this tale I'll have to start at the beginning. And this story begins at the most unlikely of places to find adventure... Brit gate.

*finishes bottle and throws it against a nearby log*

::Earlier that day::


Spectator: Chad Sexington so sexy

Chad Sexington: Chad Sexington is sexy

*I take the check with a smile*

Little did I know I just made a deal with the devil. Everything in this world has a price.



Did I drink too much Ale today or did someone just grab my ass?

The Ale must be getting to me. I had the sudden urge to stash away my runebooks, remove tempatation for failure, and start walking. Simply go. I would go and not stop until I found what I was looking for. I take a few bottles to keep me company. I could dis-band the guild and guild these bottles of Ale instead. Then we'd be unstoppable.


::Note to self: Plan B::

My sanity was now in a downward spiral. There was no turning back. It wasn't too long before I met my first imaginary friend.

He called himself Bravehorn. I offer him Ale. He finished one bottle... then two... and another... not saying a word. I finish another glass, waiting for him to speak. Then it happens.


Bravehorn: That is why you fail.


Bravehorn: Sosarians are known to grab their own asses from time to time.




Useless bastard. I leave him to his own nonsense. Grab my own ass? Why would I do that? His only answers brought forward more questions. I take a sip of Ale and go.

What's this? A lone lumberjack. I might have left him in peace any other day, but today there was no such thing as coincidence. It was my obligation to investigate further.

Frostwood logs! A good sign at last. But 60 stones of logs was too much wood to carry. I helped myself to some Luminescent Fungi and left him in peace.

(The others in my guild were not so forgiving... but I'm getting ahead of myself.)

Was this a sign? Should I guild the Frostwood instead of the Ale? Too many questions. I finish another bottle and continue on my journey.

*walk walk walk*
*ponder ponder ponder*
*scratch scratch scratch*

It started as a light sprinkle. But my sanity was pouring harder now. The winds are picking up. I see lightning in the distance. I had to find shelter before I drowned in my own psychosis.

I find a nearby cave... but I wasn't alone.

A blue collar worker trying to make a living. But something was odd. This HAD to be the Ale. The miner was moving at ungodly speed.

*dig dig dig*
*recall to another location in the same cave*
*dig dig*
*dig dig dig*

I say hello. And he quickly responds with "Kal Ort Por"...

A minute passes by and I question if the miner was even there at all. I shrug it off and help myself to another swag of Ale. My psychosis begins to lift. It's safe to exit the cave. And so I do.

Enter Green Goblin.

The second I lay eyes on him I knew he had to die. I knew this was the purpose of my journey. It all made sense. Every piece fell into place. I expose my freshly poisoned dagger and do what must be done.

With one trust of my dagger he begins to spasm uncontrollably. Disoriented and confused he stumbles back, but not in full retreat. I prepare for a Death Strike, he won't have to suffer for long. The death strike hits but he is still standing. He cures his poison, only to feel the most intense pain he's ever felt.

Deadly Poisoned groin was his kryptonite.

I have 9 shurikens left.

He falls face-first into the dirt.

The pan is gone.

And I feel.... empty.

Then the world teases me with some unsuspecting travelers.

I steal some Mandrake Root in an attempt to cheer myself up. Nothing. I run as fast as I can. What next?

A boat? How much Ale have I drank?

Take me to the moon!

Like a drunken sailor I curse the world. I go as fast as I can. I hear my psychosis chasing me. And I feel my invisible stalker behind me--arms extended. I go and I don't look back.


*throws up*

My head hurts.

I wake up with my face in my vomit. My body is sore like I've been grabbing my ass all night. I roll over on to empty bottles of Ale.

I check my pockets and find a note from pirella:
Thanks for the tip, 2000 frostwood boards just sitting there, 5000 regular(didnt take them). Woohoo! p.s theres an unatended logger hidden there, im gonna see if i can steal off him.

I check my other pocket and find another note:
Wow , ok, so i reveal a logger, turns out its one of naughty aughtys, so hes sitting there unattended, and i steal his ship key. He just sits there so i try and steal his 105 logs, i fail, and all of a sudden he pops to life! He swings at me with his axe, but must have no skill so misses. I take off running on foot, hes on a beetle, he realises he has no warrior skills and runs off the other way. I stealth back and snoop him again, he seems to be ocuppied with something else, and then just runs off. I try to follow but he out runs me so I give up and go back to the frostwood tree, to wait for another victim. Then bo? (mo) from WAR shows up in wolf form... looks like naughty aughty has a back up plan, he looks for me, but i stealth off. Looks like your little search for adventure found me a whole lot!!

In total, the loot included:

  • 25k Check
  • 4 Luminescent Fungi
  • 2700 Insurance Gold Pieces
  • 60 Ash Logs
  • 18 Mandrake Root
  • 1 Frostwood Tree Location
  • 2000 Frostwood Boards
  • 1 Ship Key
The World:
  • 1 More Drunken Thief

(I blame this adventure on Bravehorn.)

*pumps fist at Bravehorn*

'Til next time!

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